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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Question Best friend trying to make me a girly-girl? - August 4th 2012, 03:09 PM

Heyas

Sooo my friend (who sometimes goes off at me and makes me feel bad by pointing out all my flaws ) Is trying to turn me into a girly-girl without even realizing I'm a tomboy, I can't stand beauty - it hurts! Plus who wants to be walking around buying clothes that'll sit in my closet forever or shoes that I don't need or perfume and makeup that'll go off before it's used - when I could be hanging and laughing with my friends (majority of them are boys ), playing computer games or running around outside?

I'm VERY paranoid... So I only shower like once a week (don't judge me I bet you have your flaws too!) And she's TELLING me to shower every night or every second night even though I explain to her that I can't because of my paranoia. When she's at my house she says if I don't take a shower she'll go home. It's not as simple for me as it is her! Anyways, she's also trying to get me to wear my underwire built-in-cup uncomfortable bra instead of my sports bras. And she's trying to get me to wear my hair in a high pony-tail instead of my simple hair-tied-back one. It's alot more complecated - usually I can do my hair in 6-8 mins (thick hair) but the high one takes around 10-15 minutes.

Should I just not listen to her? :O This is a half rant half seeking advice lol
   
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Re: Best friend trying to make me a girly-girl? - August 4th 2012, 04:29 PM

Tell her to back off. She has no right to go around telling you how you should act or look. You're comfortable how you are right now, and that's okay. I would seriously reconsider having a friendship with her.
As for the showering thing, I used to be like that too. I know it's hard, but it is possible to train yourself into being able to shower more often. Try every six days, then every five days, etc. I still don't shower every day, more like every other day, unless I'm not doing anything and can get away with it. I also listen to my ipod before going into the shower, while I'm brushing my teeth or whatever, because it takes my mind off it and I can dance around or whatever and get un-scared.
Best of luck~



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Re: Best friend trying to make me a girly-girl? - August 4th 2012, 04:55 PM

thanks so much



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Re: Best friend trying to make me a girly-girl? - August 4th 2012, 06:03 PM

I mean, I have to shower everyday or AT LEAST every other day cause otherwise my hair gets greasy and stuff, for me, it's a hygeine thing, but if you don't smell bad and your hair looks clean, then what ever, you SHOULD try to work through your issues and shower regularly, but that's not HER business to force you to do so.

But other then that, I don't think there is anything wrong with what you want to do.




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Re: Best friend trying to make me a girly-girl? - August 5th 2012, 07:07 AM

Well it's like what people have said already. Your friend doesn't have any right to change your identity, who you are- to the extent that, if you don't shower, she'll go home. A good friend accepts all the flaws, regardless of how weird or irrational they may be. You are comfortable in who you are already, and shouldn't try to change just for the sake of her.

Be who you want to be, not what others want you to be!

P.s And as for your paranoia, perhaps you work something out to overcome it- but to me personally, it's not a really big issue.

Good luck!


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
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Re: Best friend trying to make me a girly-girl? - August 5th 2012, 08:52 AM

Well I mostly agree with what the previous posts say but yet stop being friends with her is harsh and makes you no better than her because that is her lifestyle, choices, and flaws (in your point of view) and as said previously no one has the right to judge other people based on how they dress, and how hygienic they are.
Honestly the best way is to be a good friend, sit down and explain to her that you don't want to change and she, as a friend, should respect your lifestyle choices, and if you don't feel comfortable having a shower everyday then that's your decision to make and if you believe that it's OK to you and it doesn't effect the people around you than it shouldn't be considered a problem.
And if you're having doubts about who you are and/or who you think you should be, then ask your parents for advice, remember parents are there to help you with situations like these.


RonnyM ~ Doing nothing since 1997

Last edited by ronnymajani; August 5th 2012 at 08:55 AM. Reason: grammar error
   
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Re: Best friend trying to make me a girly-girl? - August 5th 2012, 06:51 PM

hey there, you should tell your friend to leave you alone, and if she doesnt like you for who you are, then why is she your friend...I mean our friends should like you because of who you are. If you dont wanna channe who you are(I'm assuming that you dont wanna change) then just ignore your friend likes shes ignoring that you don't wanna change. My main advice to you would be what almost everyone else posted, you can tell her to leave you alone and don't be friends with her. Well thats all I have to say..hope my advice helps
   
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Re: Best friend trying to make me a girly-girl? - August 7th 2012, 04:54 PM

Hey there,

I've been in a similar situation quite a few times... once when I was a tomboy (having to explain why I didn't want to wear makeup or flirt with boys) and more recently with a flatmate who didn't like my gothy style. It's not an easy thing to say but you just have to tell her that you're comfortable with who you are and you don't want her advice. She might just accept it. I think the misunderstanding between me and my flatmate was that she thought I wanted her advice. I think if I'd just told her "no thank you" she might have just dropped it. If she hadn't, I would have struggled to stay friends with her, but otherwise there wouldn't have been a problem.

You don't have to break off your friendship - the best you can do right now is just calmly explain how you feel. If she respects that and stops pestering you, then I'm sure you can continue to be friends. If she continues to nag, then maybe you're better off with your other friends. But there's no need to make assumptions until you know for sure.

No-one should pressure you into behaving differently, especially not for their own benefit. Your friend sounds like she's not making enough effort to understand why you don't like to shower. But I am going to say that it's in your best interest to try to overcome your paranoia. Not that it's as simple as your friend thinks it is, but it's better that you get help now before it gets any worse. Do it for yourself, though, not for your friend. It honestly doesn't matter what this girl thinks of you, but I'm sure it would give you peace of mind to calmly talk to her and explain that she's making you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you've already tried this - if it hasn't worked, maybe a letter or email would help set everything out and make her listen.

Take care don't stop being yourself!




   
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Re: Best friend trying to make me a girly-girl? - August 10th 2012, 04:39 AM

You're 12, so this is going to be a difficult time of transition. I remember when I was 12, and how annoying it was to start wearing a bra (I would often forget to put it on, and didn't notice it was missing until someone brought it to my attention!). Taking showers instead of baths was also annoying - let alone showering every day or every other day.

People have mostly been focusing on the friendship aspect, so I'm going to take a slightly different approach and argue why it's a good idea to take regular showers, despite the "paranoia" (can you please explain what exactly you mean by that - is it a phobia, or are you afraid something bad will happen while you're showering?). As you reach puberty, your body will NEED regular cleaning. Body odor will scare people away, but I'm more concerned about the infections you could develop as a result of not having proper hygiene (such as yeast infections and urinary tract infections).

Feminine hygiene has nothing to do with beauty - it's a health issue. You don't have to like wearing bras, but as you grow older, you sure as heck had better start conducting breast exams! You don't have to like thongs/lacy underwear, but you sure as heck had better change your underwear every day in order to avoid infections! I'm sorry if talking about all of this is embarrassing for you, but honestly, I wish someone had discussed these things with me when I was 12.






   
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