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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Angry How can I patch up my relationship with my family? Should I even bother? - August 19th 2012, 11:45 PM

Hi, my name is Brendon, I am a couple weeks away from being 15 and am a sophomore in high school. In my family there are 5 kids (listed from youngest to oldest.) Alana, Caylee, Me, Mackenzie, and katlyne. My parents aren't home a lot, but when they are they are usually sleeping. I was born and raised in Wichita KS, I was also born and raised a jehova's witness. When I was 11 my family moved from Wichita, and along with most of my belongings and hometown, I left behind my only 2 friends, Shay, and jaedon. They where the most important things in my lives because I was never really that good at making friends, even at the first day of school 1-10, when people didn't know me, they bullied me calling me shrimp, big head, stuff of that sort. So most of the time I was depressed, but hid it from my parents because I was afraid of my dad, and didn't want to talk to my mom because the kids around me told me that showing emotions was for girls. but out of all of that, these two kids, Shay, a big fellow, that was probably close to 6 feet at the age of 13 or 14, and jaedon, a good friend that was pretty popular decided that they wanted to be my friends. Now, I was born with depression (from my dad), and struggled with it as far as back as I can remember, but this, this was a crushing blow to me. I made 2 attempts at suicide in 1 year. But fate is one cruel fucker. Just as I was recovering from my depression I got a call from my friends mom that informed me that Shay was diagnosed with leukemia. and one week later he died. I only got to see him once. I now only get to see Jaedon once every summer, and didn't even get to last . From all this what I got was a low sense of self-worth, and suicidal tendencies, and a relationship with my parents that is constantly under siege by feelings of anger, hatred, and sadness. Last week me and my dad didn't even talk to each-other for 2 days, and now the relationship with my mom is getting more and more strained. I don't feel like they love me as much as my sisters because if my parents have the money and energy, they give it to my sisters and give the leftovers (usually nothing) to me. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A ROOM! I sleep in an old bunk bed with only one bunk (the top) and an old foam mattress with no sheets or pillows in the corner of my littles sisters room, And my sisters... my little sisters are annoying and bratty to the point where if they ask me a question I automatically respond with a temper in my voice, If they are so much as in the same room as me I lose my cool and have to leave, and get this, THEY DON'T EVEN SLEEP IN THERE ROOM! . The second to oldest sister (Mackenzie) is the only one I get along with, but my oldest sister, SHE IS A FUCKING BITCH! She has OCD and is WAY to overly defensive of my little sisters, for example, if my younger sister (Caylee) who has very bad table edict BTW, is smacking (everybody in the house knows that if you want to make me pissed you smack) and I tell her to stop she gets all in my face about how I need to leave her alone. and to make matters worse, both of my older sisters are very religious, my parents and younger sisters believe but aren't as religious, and I am an atheist. Nobody knows though, but because my parents still think that I share there faith, they don't let me have any "worldly" friends outside of school.
So to summerize, I hate most of my family, my parents are the cause of me having no friends I can visit out of school, no girlfriend, and caused me to be depressed and suicidal most of the time. How can I fix things with my family? or should I just run off and start new somewhere?
   
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Re: How can I patch up my relationship with my family? Should I even bother? - August 21st 2012, 06:07 AM

First of all, you are a minor, so you can't just run away. Your parents will probably just report you missing and you'll be picked up and brought back the second someone finds you. And seriously, where are you going to go? You've just finished telling me that you have no friends. And I don't mean that in an insensitive way, it's just that if you aren't close to anyone where do you plan to go to after you run off? I guess you could go to a homeless shelter, but I can promise you that the "good" ones are few and far between and are not good places to be. And if you've been reported missing most peoples parents/the homeless shelters will just call the police so you can be sent home. OR if you tell them WHY you've run off and they decide you're being abused this could put your sisters at risk (oh well, don't worry about that, this is about you) and you (or all of you) could become wards of the state and put into foster care. So your home life sucks, but running away is NOT the solution.

Now, if I know anything about Jehovah Witness's it's a pretty tight knit bunch and if you do anything to serious they kick you out. However, I've heard of some pretty screwed up things happening such as children being sexually assaulted by a parent/relative and once it was reported to social services everyone banded together and acted like the kid was lying. It took a while before they couldn't keep covering it up and the guy went to jail. True story. I am not saying it's like that everywhere, but it seems like there is a tendency for the JW's to want to handle their own affairs as much as possible even if it is to the detriment of their people. So it is possible you could have some serious difficulties getting out of here.

To me it sounds as if you are neglected at worst (why don't you have a pillow or bed sheets, you can get stuff like that mega cheap). I have had experience being on the other end of your situation where some of my friends parents didn't want them to be friends with me cause I am "worldly" (AKA, my family is "non-religious" at best, we're just down right atheist though). It definitely was like "what the fuck is your problem?". It's not easy to deal with, it definitely messes with the head to have parents deeming people to be good enough or not based on whether or not you are part of the same religion or not.

Any how, if you are suicidal you definitely need to find a way to push at these societal boundaries that you're parents are confining you with. You should approach a teacher or a guidance counsellor or something once school starts, that's in just a few weeks, and let them know what's going on, you probably need to get some counselling and maybe some medication to help with the depression.

As for your family, you could always talk to your mom? It sounds like the bulk of the problem is with dad and the siblings, so start there, just let her know you're stressed out, don't totally unload, just tell her you have been lonely and very depressed and you would like to be able to negotiate a way to improve things for you so that you can feel better. Be careful not to attack her though.

If they already know about the depression, it probably won't come as a shocker if you have to go to counselling or something though, and you could always ask the guidance counsellor to tell them that the teachers noticed you seemed unhappy (which they probably do) and sent you in and requested it or something? And that you DID mention the stuff afterwards, that way you won't get heat for being a full out "nark". You have a right to approach someone. But your parents might get pissed if you "air their business" cause some people don't want to be reasonable.

All in all, running away is NOT going to help your situation, it'll probably make it worse. To stay calm, save up money for an iPod (if you can) and go for walks with it, stay away from your family. Go to town and talk to people. Get a hobby. Just generally distract yourself. And talk to your mom IF YOU CAN. If you have to start a conversation by saying "mom, i have to talk to you about something really tough, and I need you to support me...". And definitely talk to someone in your school who can get you to see a counsellor to get you help/medications for the depression, it sounds pretty severe. It might be getting exaggerated by your living conditions, but that just makes it even more pressing.

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