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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Angry Losing both parents - September 4th 2012, 02:30 AM

My mom and step dad are separating. It's all my fault too. They kept talking shit about each other to me. I told them to stop but the wouldn't, so I told them what the other had said. My mom says she's making everyone miserable, so she's moving out. My brother and sister will end up moving with her (most likely), I'm moving out either way because I want to be closer to school. I am afraid I won't be able to see my step sister any more, I am her maternal figure in her life. My parents are both depressed and have mentioned suicide multiple of times, and my mom has attempted it. They are each other's support system. With out each other they will slowly run out of hope. If either of them hurt them selves I will NEVER forgive myself. My mom was happier as a single mom but she has been so dependent on my step dad I don't think she would be that happy again. My step dad is pissed at me, and I'm mad at my mom for multiple reasons not just this. I try to tell them how I feel but they don't care. This is not what is best for anyone. I don't want my siblings to have to grow up like I did.

I fucking hate myself so much right now. I am disgusting and unlovable.

How could I do this? I don't know what to do anymore?
   
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Re: Losing both parents - September 6th 2012, 05:05 AM

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, Ashley. I hope you can eventually realize that this isn't your fault, though. Look at the big picture, not just what you did. Your family as a whole is incredibly dysfunctional. The relationship your parents have with each other is not healthy. If they're both depressed/suicidal and overly dependent on each other, then they need to get help. Right now, you may feel like they were better off together and that you screwed things up... but in reality, they were already screwed up, and the BEST solution would have been for the two of them to see a psychological professional in order to deal with their mental health issues. They have clearly rejected your insight into their problem, and sadly, they may continue to do so for the rest of their lives. That is THEIR CHOICE, though, and you have to recognize THEY ARE CHOOSING to NOT get help for themselves. No matter how depressed they are, they must be able to see how damaged the family is right now. They have a choice to put things back together, and they're not. Instead of uniting together, they're saying hateful things about each other. Please, please don't see this whole situation as your fault. They are using you as an excuse - if you hadn't said something, then they would have found another excuse to end their relationship. It was only a matter of time.






   
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Re: Losing both parents - September 7th 2012, 12:06 PM

They are staying together. My mom told my step dad she was moving in a few weeks and he said if she left he would kill himself the next day... Needless to say, they are staying together and talking shit about each other again... Neither of them will see help for their psych problems... It's so frustrating. I am about to snap! They both need to grow the fuck up!
   
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