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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Adam the Fish Offline
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Unhappy What's Up With Her!? - October 3rd 2012, 06:24 PM

Hey all,

My sister's never been the best tempered person in the family...perhaps because - without meaning to put it too boastfully, but to be perfectly honest - I'm cleverer than her, and well...we all have talents in different areas, it's just that the areas I'm good in are a lot more noticeable (and, perhaps, also more numerous) than hers.

Still, over the past few days, she's been particularly bad tempered. Tonight alone I've been shouted at numerous times, hit, kicked and stabbed with a blunt pencil so hard that - even through my shirt and jumper - it drew blood.

It's not just me, my mum's been getting her fair share of shouting, rudeness and generally being disrespected too.

I just...well, it's just not nice to be treated like that by your sister, and I've no idea why she's become so grumpy, aggressive and violent all of a sudden. And worst of all, I've no idea how to stop it.

Any advice?

(also, if it helps: she's 11, and has just moved up to my school. However, that shouldn't affect her too much as she's settled in very well and hasn't really got much extra homework to add stress anyway!)


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Re: What's Up With Her!? - October 3rd 2012, 07:45 PM

Your mom needs to know your sister stabbed you with a pencil. When someone's behavior escalates like that, an intervention of some kind is needed, whether it's coming from your parents or they're receiving assistance from an expert on behavioral psychology. That sort of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud, NOW, before you or someone else gets hurt.

It would probably also be a good idea to take her to a doctor, so medical conditions can be ruled out. As much as I hate to suggest this idea, the doctor may also want to rule out physical and sexual abuse. I'm not saying that's been happening to your sister, but it's not uncommon for children who have been abused to lash out and demonstrate inappropriate behavior.

Since your sister is only 11 years old, she may not want to talk about her feelings/emotions, but you can certainly try. I wouldn't recommend doing that on your own - instead, you could have a family intervention and/or a meeting with a child psychologist. Your parents could also communicate with the school and see if she is also acting out in class. It may be worth noting if your sister is ONLY acting out at home, or if she's acting out at home AND at school, or if it's even WORSE at school than it is at home (that could indicate something is happening at the school, which is affecting your sister so badly that she's continuing to act out at home, even when she gets away from the stressful person/situation/environment).






   
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Re: What's Up With Her!? - October 3rd 2012, 09:10 PM

Welcome to the female race, my friend.
What your sister's going through is a mixture of puberty abd stress. Trust me, when i had just started secondary school, i felt under so much pressure, and with the mixture if hormones, it was a hard load to bear. Just leave her be and let her work it out. From previous experience, having someone trying to get involved leads to annoyances and shouting and you could lose some bonds with your sister. In experience, i was the one doig the shouting.
You say you're smarter than her. I'm not doubting that you aren't, just be aware that not alla talent is academic. With the violence thouh, i think you need to walk a mile in her shoes. Again, think about what she's going through and think before you act.
Hope this helps,
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Re: What's Up With Her!? - October 4th 2012, 04:15 PM

Thanks guys,

I rather hope that it's Charlotte's theory rather than abuse, but my Mum knows...I have no idea how I'm even going to suggest going to a psychologist though ...


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Re: What's Up With Her!? - October 6th 2012, 03:21 PM

Oh, lovely.
As a result of asking if I could have my chair back, I have some distinctly fingernail-shaped cuts all over my hands...


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Re: What's Up With Her!? - October 6th 2012, 08:37 PM

Being stressed comes from a combination of numerous sources, however, blatantly attacking you (and potentially your mother) takes it to a whole new level. Since she is going to the same school, you should try to figure out if there's something from the school, aside from homework that could be contributing to this. It's a reasonable factor to consider if she hasn't been acting like this before attending the school. Unfortunately, I agree with Robin that it may be due to abuse of some form.

If you're willing and able to, try to have your mother and you talk with her about what may be causing this. It's possible that you may get an honest answer.


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