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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
flawedbydesign Offline
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Ex-Bestfriend - October 12th 2012, 01:39 PM

All of my life I have never had many friends. People would always stab me in the back or use me. But I always had one friend who stood by me. Through everything, she never judged me or spoke ill of me. We were complete opposites. She dressed really girly and was really serious around anyone but me, I dressed more tom boyish and didn't care to make a full of myself. She was an amazing artist, while I always wrote poetry or stories to go with her art. We did everything together. She also saved my life more times than I would care to admit. She was there for me when my whole world crumbled down. In all of the 13 years that we were friends, we never argued over anything. But then she became friends with my brother. When she would come over she would spend more time with him and they were always together at school. After a while they began whispering to each other whenever I was around and my brother would look at me and laugh. I felt like I was losing her, just like I had with everyone else....and it crushed. She was the one person who I though would always be with me, who would never turn their back on me. So, I did the only thing I could think of at the time...I stopped talking to her. I figured if I stopped talking to her first, that it would hurt less. This was about 3 years ago. We haven't talked since. I think about her constantly and even dream about her all of the time. But I never had the nerve to try and talk to her, I don't know if I should even try to fix things.

But the other day she sent me a friend request on Facebook. We haven't said anything to each other. I don't know if she is waiting for me to send the message or what...I just don't know what to do.
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Harley Quinn Offline
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Re: Ex-Bestfriend - October 12th 2012, 02:26 PM

You guys sound like you were great friends. Just last night, I had a friend I hadn't spoken to in years add me. (I must admit we weren't friends for as long as you two though!) If you really want to talk to her, Facebook is honestly pain-free.

Send her the first message. Say Hi. Add a smiley. And if you find you have nothing to talk about, talk about the memories. Eventually, if you guys are still meant to be friends, you'll get her number, you will guys will go out together, and you'll forget those three years ever happened.

Just take the first step. The worst that can come out of it is that she doesn't respond. Then how different can it be from right now? But if you do talk to her, maybe you'll get her back.

Also, welcome to the site.
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Chris Offline
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Re: Ex-Bestfriend - October 13th 2012, 07:47 PM

I can see that the pain has never 100% gone away, and I can totally understand that. In all honesty, I think you want to me to tell you to send her a message, but I think its actually best for your to sit down and make a pros and cons list. Here are some key questions that I think YOU need to answer: Will the friendship ever be the same (everyone changes over the years, are you even capable with her anymore)? Is it worth bringing back the pain? Is it worth trying again? The bottom line is that if you message her, a friendship can either be healthy and successful, or horrible and a failure. Are you willing to take the risk?

In my personal opinion, If I were in your position (which I have been on both sides of this situation), I would try to send her a message (ONLY because its been 3 years). However, If I found that I thought things were not going well, I backed away and didn't try again. Be cautious, and see if she earns your trust back (meaning don't just dive into the friendship again). If she does earn your trust back and everything seems to be going good, then be happy that you have a friend worth keeping (even through the hard times).

Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
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Hypothesis. Offline
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Re: Ex-Bestfriend - October 15th 2012, 01:28 AM

I agree with what Chris is telling you. You can make a pros and cons list that asks you if adding her and sending her a message would be worth it, and if you are willing to take the risk of trying to become friends with her again. Since it has been three years, though, it may be worth it to try and send her a message, since things may have died down now. If she earns your trust back and things are going well, then that's great, but if things don't go well then take a step back and realize things weren't meant to be. However, if you think that it is worth going for after thinking about it, then it is worth a shot!

I wish you the best of luck!

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