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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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VeggieFiend Offline
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Arrow Nanny is in hospital... - October 22nd 2012, 11:49 AM

My nanny is in hospital because she took a minor heart attack two weeks ago (she was walking around for two weeks thinking it was indigestion). She's now in hospital waiting for the doctor to tell her whether or not she can have surgery (she's 82 and it could be risky).

She's been in the ward since Wednesday, there are two visiting hours a day (3-4 and 7-8) and nanny wants me, my mum and my grandad to go see her at both of these times everyday. All of us are tired, and it's just not possible for all of us to go both times anymore.

We have no time for social life anymore, and anytime I ask to see my boyfriend my mum gets annoyed with me. She needs to get out too, and she's just getting fed up now. We are splitting the visits now, grandad goes in the day and mum/me will go at night.

Nanny tells me that I should see my boyfriend, but mum makes me feel bad for seeing him because she isn't going out. I just want to know if anyone else has had trouble with this sort of thing. I don't want to seem selfish, and I'm trying not to be, but I do need a break. Yesterday I was out from 2pm to 11:30pm. We all just need a break but nanny hates being in hospital without us and there's only really the three of us that can see her.
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Re: Nanny is in hospital... - October 22nd 2012, 04:16 PM

Hey VeggieFiend,

I have never been in your situration. Your not being selfish at all, I can understand why you want a break. Have you told your mum about this? If yes and nothing is sorted then I think you have the right to have a break without your mum permission. Everyone needs a break and it is impossible to see her everyday I agree with you there. Go see your boyfriend. Your mum doesn't want you to go see your boyfriend because your nan is 82 and she might be thinking how long has she got to live. Be there for your nan and visit her sometimes.

Last edited by Cassie999; October 22nd 2012 at 04:20 PM. Reason: I have something else to say
   
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Re: Nanny is in hospital... - October 24th 2012, 07:28 AM

This may not be possible (depending on the hospital's policies), but why not ask your boyfriend to visit your nanny with you and your mom? =) That way, you can spend time with your nanny AND your boyfriend (and maybe you could spend an hour alone with your boyfriend before/after the visit as a "reward" for spending so much time with your nanny). It would be harder for your mom to complain if you compromised in that way. If she DID protest, you could say something like, "My boyfriend is important to me, just as my nanny is important to me. I want the two of them to get to know each other better!"

Otherwise... you're an adult. You're entitled to have time to yourself (or with your boyfriend). You don't have to be accountable to your mom 24/7. If she threatens to kick you out of the house for being disobedient... then maybe that's not such a bad thing in the grand scheme of things. You're not responsible for your mom's inability to balance time with your nanny with time with her friends. That may sound harsh, but honestly, it's one hour per day. Your mom has several other hours to socialize with other people.






   
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Re: Nanny is in hospital... - October 24th 2012, 05:45 PM

I'm going to agree with PSY asking your boyfriend to go on hospital visits with you would be a really good idea, or perhaps during the day when your grandad is visiting your nan you would see your boyfriend before the hospital visits (this may be easier to do on the weekends).



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Re: Nanny is in hospital... - October 26th 2012, 06:22 PM

I took him to the hospital one day :P

She's getting out of hospital tomorrow, so things should get better soon. The main problem I have now is making my mum realize I can choose what I do in my life...I don't know how to talk to her about this. She just tells me what to do all the time.
   
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Re: Nanny is in hospital... - October 26th 2012, 06:48 PM

My dad was that way. One day, I just said, "No." Well, I said a little more than "no," but basically, I told him I was going to do things differently (I believe he wanted me to drive for two hours at 10 PM - I told him I'd rather get a good night's rest, then leave first thing in the morning - either way, I was going to arrive at our destination at the same time). He flipped out... he couldn't believe I was asserting myself! We had a bit of a falling out afterward because of it, but with time, he's relaxed and been forced to realize I have a mind of my own. I am not an extension of my dad - I am my own independent person.

Of course, this whole process also involved moving out of his house - because as long as I lived under his roof, I had to follow his rules. Makes sense, right? So that may have to be something you devote a lot of energy toward (finding a job and a place to live - perhaps your boyfriend could let you stay with him for a few weeks while you get things sorted out).






   
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Re: Nanny is in hospital... - October 27th 2012, 03:12 PM

He lives with his parents too. If I could just find a way to talk to her about it without getting upset, then that'd be good.
She thinks she gives me freedom at the moment, but I have to go to her if I want to do anything and then she'll moan about it sometimes.

How do I bring up this conversation?
   
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