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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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entangledmind Offline
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My parents say they understand and will give me space but then force me to socialize - November 1st 2012, 05:16 AM

I'm a antisocial and very personal person. Ever since I was little I've never really had a reason to be apart in any family curriculum fun time or whatever. I'm the youngest so I kind of lived in the shadows of my older siblings. And I was totally fine with that. I liked living in the corner and the background. But when my final oldest sister moved out and I was the only one left in the home- things have become almost unbearable.
My mom, dad and I have had some conflict about how often I'm in my bedroom. They complain I'm in there all day. But can you fucking blame me? I freaking home-schooled. I'm home ALL day.
I mean overall I'm antisocial person so being with the fam 24/7 gets freaking annoying. I've shared my problems about it to my mom and dad and they said they would leave me alone more. It's been over a month and they still yell and complain how much I'm in my room. And honestly I'm not in there THAT much. Out of we'll say a 14 hour day I'm probably in there for like 3 hours. I don't know what to do.
I've tried to compromise with them but they won't let me. They either want me out of my room or the door open.
I don't want to be out of my room because I see my parents all day and all the noise around me bothers me and makes me jittery but when I leave the door open when I'm in my room I feel like they're violating my space which is another problem in it's self.
My room is a representation of my mind, the things I love, hate and wish to keep forever are in there, so when people can see it and/or are in there I feel like they see into my mind which makes me extremely uncomfortable and triggers anxiety I have.
I don't know. Maybe I'm being a fucking retard. FML


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i'm just sad.

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Last edited by entangledmind; November 1st 2012 at 07:03 AM.
   
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Re: My parents say they understand and will give me space but then force me to socialize - November 1st 2012, 11:11 PM

I can relate, to a certain extent. My parents separated when I was 13, and they had different rules when it came to my bedroom/privacy. My mom didn't care if I closed my door and stayed in my bedroom for hours at a time... her only rule was that I couldn't have a lock on my door. My dad, on the other hand, HATED it when I was in my room for more than 10-15 minutes at a time, unless it was to do homework. Even then, he didn't want the door to be closed under any circumstances. If I closed my door so I could talk on the phone without being overheard, he would shout, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!"... as if I was doing something bad. That ticked me off like you wouldn't believe, because it implied that I couldn't be trusted to do things unsupervised!

Your situation is a bit more complicated, and it seems you've already tried compromising with your parents... but perhaps you could try having a different kind of conversation with them. You're 15 years old, so your parents may not feel as if you're entitled to privacy yet. Children really don't have privacy, so as they grow up and become teenagers/young adults, it can be hard for parents to ease up and let them have some privacy. Have you told your parents about how your bedroom is a representation of your mind, and you need some time every day to be alone in your room (aka alone with your thoughts)?

Your parents may also feel that your anxiety will worsen if you're not supervised. They may actually think they're doing you a favor by not leaving you alone with your thoughts. The problem is that 1) your anxiety is worsening BECAUSE you don't have privacy, and 2) if you're never given the chance to be alone with your thoughts, you won't know how to handle problems as an adult, when you're living on your own. That may be something else to point out to your parents... in a kind way, of course. Blaming them for your anxiety is NOT the best approach, but explaining that your anxiety may improve if you can reach a compromise with your parents may get you somewhere.






   
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