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Please help me, help her - November 7th 2012, 07:49 PM

So i didn't really know where to post this but i decided to put it in here because it's about one of my best friends

Bit of background information, she has self harmed before i knew her and has had eating disorders as well as depression and trouble with her family..

Today she's come clean to me about everything. She's thinks she's got bulemia again (i know that'a not how to spell it) and she's doing waaaaay more exercise that considered healthy which is made worse by the little that she eats. She's salf harmed again - cut on her hands. It's not as bad as it used to be but, obvisously, it's still self harm which is terrible. SHe smokes and has general health problems.. She always has. I think she's getting depressed again and all her other friends seem to be abandoning her because they can't cope with her problems which makes her feel alone.

I have to help her; with her being the way she is.. Well i'm scared of the outcome if it carries on. I'm the only person that knows everything about her situation and her boyfriend knows a little less than me. But that's all who knows. I need to help her, i'm scared that if it all gets too carried away then she might attempt suicide. Just tell me how i could help her cope with everything - she know's that i'll never leave her and she can talk to me about anything as she does frequently, i just feel that this isn't enough to help her anymore..

Please tell me how i can help her. Please.
   
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Re: Please help me, help her - November 7th 2012, 07:57 PM

Hey Beth, as much as you may not want to do this, you need to go to an adult because it sounds like she needs professional help. As you've admitted you are in over your head and there's only so much you can do for her. Find any adult you trust and let them know what's going on with her. If her parents aren't an option, try the school counselor (who will probably be required to tell her parents anyway), a teacher, or your parents. Even if she gets mad at you for doing it, it's worth it.


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Re: Please help me, help her - November 8th 2012, 01:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by One Troubled Kid View Post
So i didn't really know where to post this but i decided to put it in here because it's about one of my best friends

Bit of background information, she has self harmed before i knew her and has had eating disorders as well as depression and trouble with her family..

Today she's come clean to me about everything. She's thinks she's got bulemia again (i know that'a not how to spell it) and she's doing waaaaay more exercise that considered healthy which is made worse by the little that she eats. She's salf harmed again - cut on her hands. It's not as bad as it used to be but, obvisously, it's still self harm which is terrible. SHe smokes and has general health problems.. She always has. I think she's getting depressed again and all her other friends seem to be abandoning her because they can't cope with her problems which makes her feel alone.

I have to help her; with her being the way she is.. Well i'm scared of the outcome if it carries on. I'm the only person that knows everything about her situation and her boyfriend knows a little less than me. But that's all who knows. I need to help her, i'm scared that if it all gets too carried away then she might attempt suicide. Just tell me how i could help her cope with everything - she know's that i'll never leave her and she can talk to me about anything as she does frequently, i just feel that this isn't enough to help her anymore..

Please tell me how i can help her. Please.
I have to say I have been in a almost mirrored position as well. I'll start by saying, the best thing to do is usually the hardest to do. Thats how you know its the hardest. You do need to tell someone who CAN help, like a parent, teacher, or councelor. Secrets like this are not healthy to keep, for you or the other person. I'm not gonna lie, she MAY find out you said something and yes, she may be mad. But in the long run, she won't be. She may be more greatful to you than anyone else in her entire life. You are saving her life. Think of it this way, what would happen if you DO'NT tell? A lot. A lot that can be prevented. If you would like to talk about this at all, would def. love to do so. I have been through it all and would try to give the best advice I can.


   
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Re: Please help me, help her - November 8th 2012, 02:35 AM

I agree, I think a lot of us have a friend who we dearly want to help but end up in a position where what we want to protect them from is over our heads. I think you need to tell her that you are very afraid of what will happen to her and that you want her to go with you to talk to an adult and get help. She can get counselling, she can get medications, what ever it is, there are people who can figure that out. I know a lot of people who benefitted from counselling, just GO and tell someone without her if you have to (but taking her with you and telling her that your doing it will make her feel less betrayed than if you just go behind her back and then come out and are like "SURPRISE!!!"). I'm not saying that adults are necessarily better at making these decisions, it's just that they are better at being able to implement it. A guidance counsellor might be a good choice, they often have the most connections.




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Re: Please help me, help her - November 12th 2012, 05:12 PM

Hi.. Thankyou for responding to my post :-) just to fill you in, she says that she had a breakdown last night and has cut herself alot on one of her legs.. I don't understand how she can go though all this and then seem so happy and carefree when i'm with her and other people. When we're alone then she'll be more open about everything and she says this is because i'm the only one she really trusts to understand everything, the only problem is that i've never experineced any of the things that she's going though - i'm just an accepting person.

So yeah, about going to an adult for help.. I've always pleaded with her to go and see a doctor but she has done; they put her on anti-depressants but apart from that they didn't really do anything. She says that people like doctors can't help her so i rally don't know what to do. Part of me really wants to go and talk to our YTM (year team manager) at school; he's awesome and i think he'd really understand the situation. But then part of me doesn't because she seems so normal when she's with other people..
   
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Re: Please help me, help her - November 13th 2012, 02:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by One Troubled Kid View Post
Hi.. Thankyou for responding to my post :-) just to fill you in, she says that she had a breakdown last night and has cut herself alot on one of her legs.. I don't understand how she can go though all this and then seem so happy and carefree when i'm with her and other people. When we're alone then she'll be more open about everything and she says this is because i'm the only one she really trusts to understand everything, the only problem is that i've never experineced any of the things that she's going though - i'm just an accepting person.

So yeah, about going to an adult for help.. I've always pleaded with her to go and see a doctor but she has done; they put her on anti-depressants but apart from that they didn't really do anything. She says that people like doctors can't help her so i rally don't know what to do. Part of me really wants to go and talk to our YTM (year team manager) at school; he's awesome and i think he'd really understand the situation. But then part of me doesn't because she seems so normal when she's with other people..
Well, its very common for people that are depressed to hide their emotions, especially around a lot of people. Maybe they don't want to cause any drama or whatever but it IS common and that could be why she seems so okay when she's with you. I have a friend that only really seems very upset if shes talking to me through email or some type of messaging. At school, for the most part she does not seem upset often. Does this make you feel that maybe she isnt telling the truth? If thats what you feel, you could try asking her to show you her scars so you know for certain this is real. Now going to warn you, doing that is VERY upsetting. I have seen my friends scars before and I cannot describe the horror of seeing that on your friend because you care about them SO much. But it does show you that yes, this is true. If you dont think she's lying, I would def. still go to your YTM. He may possibly be able to help. I think your friend has kinda given up on outside help which is why she hasn't gone again. It can be hard to find the right person to talk to about these things but it CAN be done.


   
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