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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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iheartlouis Offline
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Question What to do with my brother... - May 23rd 2013, 02:28 AM

Hey therrre.
So my brother is 20 years old. He graduated 2 years ago right. And when he graduated, he said something like "i'm just gonna take a few months off" like a break right, before he finds a job or whatever. And what is he doing now? Nothing. He stays home, but still hangs out with friends. He doesn't go to school, and he doesn't work. And it kinda annoys me. It's not doing any good for him. I just care about him you know and i want him to have a good life. My mom sometimes talks to him about it. And he's always like "i know, i know" but he doesn't do anything about it. And if i try to talk to him, he's always like "I KNOW" and "SO?" so i don't even bother. And i hate when people ask like "oh how's your brother doing? what's he doing? going to school? working?" And it really bothers me to say nothing. Sometimes i lie about it and say he's working. However he did try once. And he always thought for sure he would get the job, cuz it's one of those things where you just pass a test. And he kinda passed it, i guess. But he never got a call back... Even i have a job. I'm gonna be a senior next year.. so i'll probably be out of the house before he is :/
Iono what to do... Any advice?
   
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Re: What to do with my brother... - May 23rd 2013, 02:47 AM

In these sorts of situation, I feel there are only a few things you can really do (and keep in mind you have to do this as a FAMILY, not as individuals, because the consequences for option #1 and #2 have to be enforced by EVERYONE, otherwise it won't work):

1. Give him a deadline for finding a job or going back to school. After that deadline has passed, if he doesn't do either one, cut him off financially and kick him out of the house. Let him realize the hard way that he can't be a child forever.

2. Reduce his privileges while continuing to provide him with the basic necessities. Basically, if he wants food, it's in the kitchen, but he won't have an allowance for fast food. If he wants to use the internet, he can earn it (keep the password a secret and turn off your computers, forcing him to go without unless he chips in... which means getting a job). Same goes for his cell phone (if it's a family share plan, you can take him off it), and gas/money for transportation. Basically, life is going to become horribly restrictive, and if he wants to have those privileges back, he'll need to either leave the house or earn the privileges back by getting a job that will allow him to pay for all those things. If he wants to apply for jobs online, keep an eye on him to ensure he's not just goofing off. If he needs a ride to an interview, give it to him, but don't let him drive on his own (he may lie and just go to a friend's house instead).

3. Try to convince him life will be so much more rewarding if he works toward developing his career. I'm just kidding - this isn't really an option. If your brother doesn't have a strong work ethic now, then chances are he won't develop one until he's forced to. Verbal encouragement probably won't get you anywhere.






   
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