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Bronze_Dragon Offline
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Unhappy Please, someone help me. - May 23rd 2013, 03:02 AM

Ever since i was a little child I’ve been really shy. I have a hard time making friends and talking to people.
When i was in first grade i was really ugly, i guess, or that’s what other people kept telling me.
I had bangs and a mustache. Since my parents are from Irak, i was really hairy, but that was when i was younger, now I’m not . Well i started in a new school in first grade after i had been in kindergarten with a group of people all my life. In the new school i found two friends, i just to hang out with them a lot and i had fun. And i also had a best friend, his name was Adam, he was really nice to me and we used to hang out a lot.
I really liked him. But the others in the class used to say that we were dating and that we were in love, which we weren’t, we were just good friends. But then one day i started to get bullied by the others in the class, i don’t remember why. But while i was called ugly by the others in the class, a guy in the eight grade psychically bullied me, he used to pull my hair, hit me, spit in my hair, and throw rocks at me.
And one day he chased me home, i was so scared i thought i was going to die, but i got away.
And after that my little brother was born, i was seven years at that time, and our apartment was to small for our family, my two year younger sister, my father, my mother, and my newborn little brother. So we moved back to our old neighborhood, and i started second grade there.
There were a couple of people from my old kindergarten who remembered me, there was a guy called Lucas, i used to play cars with him a lot, i was kind of a tomboy, then there was a girl called Meriam, a girl called belma, a girl called sanna, a boy called Lucas, a boy called kamras.
Well when i got there i was shy and scared, i didn’t know how to make friends, and i was really scared of boys, and girls, boys because i was scared of being hit, and girls because of their word bullying. So i didn’t talk to anyone.
On the first break i went out and sat on a bench alone, and that group of girls came and asked me if i wanted to play with them,
and i said no, after that they never asked again. I was always alone on the breaks, and after a while nobody even looked at me.
But i did have one friend, or not a friend really, she was my cousin and we grew up together, she is one year older than me. Well she was REALLY controlling, she decided when i was going to eat, sleep, when we were going to go out, and basically everything.
So i was used to being controlled, but then my mom noticed how our relationship had become and told me that i wasn’t allowed to play,
or even talk to her anymore. But well until third grade i was alone, but then dania one of the girls from our class, said hey,
and from then on we hanged out a lot and in the end i asked her if we could be best friends, or well, i didn’t ask, my sister did for me.
And i felt so grateful, she was the one who saved me, after that i copied dania’s personality, dania was very loud and laughed all the time, so i became that person to, but it wasn’t the real me, it was just a facade. Our families are both Muslims so there was absolutely no boys around, and dania was just cocky to all the boys, so none of the boys approached us. And i was grateful for that. But over the years dania got really controlling, even more than my cousin,
she was really jealous of me, i always get good grades, and according to the false bitches in my class, i have the dream body, and i’m really cute.
I don’t understand that, that only triggers my hate for other people more, when i was younger i got bullied because of my looks,
and now people envy me for it? that’s just sick. But well she was really controlling, she used to false hit me, and she called me worthless and ugly,
even though all the rest said that i was beautiful, she said i was ugly and worthless and that nobody except her would like me, and i believed her,
cause she was the one who saved me, and that went on, we went out everyday, cause her family was never there for her, her mom was depressed and never talked to her, and sometimes hit her, her father was never at home, he was always in some other country, and her big brother was dealing with drugs,
and her other brother had been murdered. And because of that she ALWAYS wanted to be with me. But i have a family, and i love them more than anything, over the ordinary, in my family we’re really close, i can talk to them about anything, and i have, i have told them this story,
and they told me to be strong to never give up, that things would get better, and that they would always be there for me. But well we went out the minute we gout home from school,
from 2 a clock to seven, sometimes eight a clock, and when i got home she told me to log into Skype directly, and i did, and then we talked to eleven, or twelve a clock. And i never saw my family, never even talked to them. And when we all as a family went out to eat or shop, she controlled me so much, she was the one who decided what i should wear, and if she didn't like it she would call me ugly and pathetic, she always made me call her beautiful, and sometimes she would laugh at me with her friends. The only friend iv'e had is her, so i don't know how to talk to other people, i just don't. Everything feels so uncertain and fake, it's like i'm watching everything happen from a place far away. And i'm so scared, i just don't want to go to school, i'm so scared of being alone. I just want a friend
she would talk to me the whole time we were there, and if she ever asked if we could go out, and i couldn’t she would get mad at me, and i had to beg for forgiveness. And i felt so bad, i felt so lonely like no one understood me. And for a while,
i was one of those plastic girls who called people names and bullied others. But this year, now, a two weeks ago, i finally broke down, and told my mom and dad everything,
They were really shocked and sad, but they were there for me, and that felt so good. I said that i didn’t want to be her best friend anymore, and she got really mad. And now, none of the girls are talking to me except a group of girls, there are for of them,
and they are really nice and cool. But I’m scared that they don’t really want to be with me,
and that I’m bothering them and i don’t want that, sanna and belma are best friends, and the other two girls sara and sara are best friends to so it feels like im just there, like im all alone,
sometimes they are all talking about something together and it feels like i cant talk,
cause i dont know what to say, and sometime they are talking to each other, sara and sara are talking to each other and sanna and belma are talking to each other, I’m just standing there silently, and that feels so bad, i want it to get better, everyday I’m scared of coming to school because of the other girls gossiping about me, and the fear of being alone, and i just feel so bad and lonely. Please just give me some advise i beg you,
i came to this site cause other people always say that it is easier to make friends on the Internet, and i would love to find some friends here, someone i could talk to, someone who would listen, someone who could cheer me up.
But right now, i just want to know how i can make things better. Can someone, anyone give me some advice? I’m just thirteen years old, i don't want things to be like this.[/font]

Last edited by Bronze_Dragon; May 23rd 2013 at 01:01 PM.
   
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dessykins Offline
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Re: Please, someone help me. - May 23rd 2013, 04:44 PM

we all go through ups and downs. things get better, things get worse. its a pattern that we'll always go through in life. but things always do get better, it just takes time. but honestly, its those who truly know you that matter most. if someones going to judge you negatively, then they aren't worth your time. and people who are worth it, will see the good in you and the good in the situations.
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Re: Please, someone help me. - May 26th 2013, 05:16 PM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =) I'm so glad you reached out to this community of people. I agree that talking to people online can be much easier than seeking help in the "real world." With that being said, it looks like your parents are VERY supportive, which is great! While it's true that they can't make everyone treat you better at school, you can always come home to your parents and talk about your day. I encourage you to maintain that line of communication with them, as they will be with you throughout your life, whereas other people may not be.

I'm glad you've realized how abusive some of your previous friendships were, and how trying to please those abusive people ultimately caused you to be unhappy and not your true self. Fortunately, it's never too late to start turning things around! I also dealt with a great deal of bullying and abuse in my younger years, and in high school, I finally decided to turn things around. I was more purposeful with my friendships, which means that I actively sought out good people. Of course, it was always awkward introducing myself to them, but creating solid friendships takes time. You said your four friends always seem to be talking to each other, and not including you... so why not engage some of them and talk about common interests? If you've been listening to their conversations, you must know about some of their interests. Maybe you don't know much about a band they spend a lot of time talking about, but you may be curious, so asking them about the band could be a great way to get involved in their conversations during lunch! Additionally, you could consider joining some clubs, and getting to know the people in those clubs. For example, if you like photography, then you and the other students in the photography club will already have something in common. You could talk about what you like to photograph, your favorite spots to take photos, etc. That may lead to your hanging out with people outside of school, and developing friendships that way!

The key to making things better is to do something about it. For many years, I made the mistake of shutting my mouth and not telling anyone what was going on. I also missed out on a lot of friendships because I didn't talk to people. I was silent for similar reasons: I was scared and didn't want to get hurt again. Unfortunately, that strategy didn't really help me. If anything, it made me seem even more strange/awkward, and therefore made me even more of a target. As difficult as it may be at times, I encourage you to start talking to people at your school, even if it's just a friendly greeting and asking them about their weekend. Yes, some of those people will believe the rumors that are being spread by the "popular" people... but others will give you the benefit of the doubt, and will come to realize that you're actually a very nice person, once they get to know you better.

Good luck, and feel free to keep us updated on your situation! =)






   
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