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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Deleting a toxic friend on facebook - June 18th 2013, 08:31 PM

I have this friend who's just really draining on me. I've given him plenty of little chances and he's on his second big chance to prove he can do better. And technically he has, he's gotten the downward spiral he was on under control. Some of our common friends who cut him off have reconciled with him just like I did and are claiming he's "just like the old him before X happened to him". But even the old him pre-downward spiral was needy, immature and showing signs of being controlling or manipulative.

I've been tolerating him. I haven't been talking to him unless he talks to me, only see him when I can't avoid it..... But he made an accusation towards me, or about me, how ever you'd put that, but he said something to me that is just unbelievably unacceptable, I was half asleep so that slowed down my ripping his head off. But what he said I can't forgive, it's such a wildly horrible and inaccurate claim he's holding on me.

I need him to be gone. I want to eliminate his ability to have more contact then I want which means I want him permanently off my facebook. I want to block him so he can't try to readd me. But the problem is that I just want this to be a no-fuss thing. I have to see him around every once in a while due to some common friends and stuff and I want to be able to get along with him (even if you might say he doesn't deserve it). To me, it's just facebook, and I should have the right to control who's on there. But some people overreact to being blocked. if he asks why I'm no longer a friend on facebook I will direct him to this last comment he made and let him know how stuff like that is a problem worthy of damaging our tenious friendship....

But usually when I delete/block people it's in a situation where I don't have to worry about the repurcussions




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Re: Deleting a toxic friend on facebook - June 19th 2013, 07:48 AM

What I've done to friends who I want to block but can't: Add them to the "acquaintance" list. You can make the acquaintance list unable to see most of your stuff, unable to see you online, and that you won't see their posts on your screen, but they see you as still their friend. This makes it so that they don't end up whining to you later about deleting or blocking them, but they really can't interact with you much. I have about 20 people on here. If not that, just block them. That way they just can't find your profile and don't see that you deleted them. That avoids conversation as well.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Deleting a toxic friend on facebook - June 19th 2013, 05:42 PM

Altering settings so that he can't see everything really won't cut it. I need to stop being friends with this guy and he's REALLY oblivious so restricting settings might not do the trick. And I just need to cut him off and see him fully out of my life in a more permanent way then that. He's just super bad and toxic. But because we might run into each other I can't prevent that and I don't want it to be awkward or for him to cause problems for me. I just need to stop being friends with him. And with the kind of person he is means I need him to be cut off. I never contact him, he always contacts me and also sends stupid messages just being like "hi" and all I can think is "what do you want?" and then I proceed not to answer because I don't feel like engaging in mundane chit chat with someone i don't even really like all that much. I avoid dealing with him yet when we were at a party (mutual friend) he kept telling people I am his best friend... We used to be close like 3 years ago, but no more, yet he still says this, and that was after I didn't talk to him for over 6 months and rarely talk to him now, he doesn't get it, he doesn't get that his behaviour makes me want to avoid him. This last incident is making me veer more towards wanting to say that his behaviour makes m hate him even though I've tried really hard to like him. But I swear to god this guy has something wrong with him. He'll be nice and friendly but he's controlling, manipulative, he can "try" to be extremely persuasive (I see through the BS and so do most others who know him, but really his attempts make him look douchy). He basically accused me of something that is 100% false and it's an insult I cannot forgive. i'm nice to him if I see him, hell I'll be straight up friendly cause that's just how I am, it's not that I'm fake, it's just that I'm not going to be stiff and unfriendly with someone simply cause I want to get a point across, I don't feel like that is effective and just makes everyone else around feel uncomfortable. Like I said, I don't try to communicate with him.

If he asks why I've blocked him I'll be happy to enlighten him. He's really stupid, well, no, ok, he's not, he's just oblivious and can't get it through his thick skull how obnoxious, horrible and annoying we all think he is. And technically "we all" is just a lot of people, a few people have reconciled with him (like I tried to do). I don't know what his issue is but all I can ever think is "whats wrong with this guy?"




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