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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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colie18 Offline
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Question Sister or Devil? - July 8th 2013, 06:50 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of peer pressure or bullying, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I need help with my sister here is everything. I am sorry in advanced for how long it is. I really am.

Background:
When I was four I lost my mom to cancer. My sister was 11 she became basically my mother. My dad became an alcoholic and then she became my protector.

Now:
I am 19 shes 25 I don't know her anymore. She yells at me for everything. I am basically her maid. "Nicole return this for me" "Nicole drive this to me 20 minutes from home which you just came back from" "Nicole get my purse" "Nicole make lunch" "Nicole get me this" "Nicole get me that" and if I don't its attitude and selfish. Then there are things that if I don't do it won't get done for example: doing her dishes, cleaning up after her, putting food back into the fridge and pantry because she leaves it out. She never throws her trash away and never picks up after our dog too. I am literally her maid and servant. I feel like she doesn't think what I do or my time isn't important enough not like how hers is. For example: this past of fourth of July I was going to my friends house and I was supposed to be there at 3pm I was an hour late because I had to make this platter for her party and salad and then bring it to her along with getting myself ready etc. she made me late because it was too hard for her to come pick it up herself.

Then its like everything I say is wrong. Or it is just me giving attitude again like always. I am always apologizing for everything because if I don't then we never speak again. I am always being the bigger man ALWAYS. I try to get through to her and I can't. She gives me attitude all the time like its okay for her but not for me. And its not only me she gives attitude to its to my dad. My dad gave up trying with her like hes like yelling at her and it always seems like she is running everything. She treats my dad the same as me. Its horrible.

She treats me like I am 5. When i say 5 I mean its like "Nicole don't ever talk to me like that again" "Nicole don't do that thats wrong" "Nicole don't watch that its not good." Etc. its like let me grow up wow. She always tells me to grow up and I think... no I know I am more mature then her. She is a pig to the extreme. If she doesn't get her way she throws her own version of a tamper tantrum like yelling stomping off and ignorning everyone. She even sometimes puts her fingers in her ear and goes lalalala and she ignores a lot to get revenge.

I fell like i am walking on eggshells with her I can never win. Everyone says I am manipulated by her but I can't not because I don't like being ignored and I will be. Last time we didn't talk for 6 months and my family told me to the be the bigger person and apologize. I can't win. I don't have any space from her not even in my room because she sleeps with me in my bed because she doesn't stay at her appartment that she pays for and doesn't sleep in her own room. My double sized bed isn't big enough.

Shes supposed to be mormon. Not drinking and not having sex etc. But shes going back to her old ways like drinking all the time and have sex a couple of times. I even think she may be pregnant hasn't had her period and even has a test in her bag. I worry about her. I don't like when she drinks. She even smokes weed sometimes and gets high. I hate it she says shes mormon but obviously not. I can't watch her do this to herself. She calls me names like stupid (apparently everything I do is stupid), bitch, dumb, etc. Nothing I do is important to her nothing. She doesn't like anything I do and all I want is her approval but I never get that. I no I don't need it but if I don't get it from her i fee like I made a stupid decision.

I honestly give up. Really. I don't know what to do. Everything I say or do is wrong and i always seem to have an attitude and apparently i need to grow up and become less selfish.

I am sorry but my time is important too right? I mean I have two jobs and am a full time student. My time should be my time. Right?

I am not saying I am perfect but I try and i have made mistakes. Yes we get in some physical fights she does hurt me sometimes and I am not saying I don't but most of the time mine is in self defense other times I do initiate it. Yes i do get frustrated and lash out. I am not saying I am perfect. Trust me!

I just don't know what to do. I have tried everything I have a fear its going to be like this for the rest of my life even when and if I get married. There is just no point anymore. I am done! I am done with it all!

Again sorry for the length but thank you for taking the time to read all of this.

Colie


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Sister or Devil? - July 8th 2013, 03:02 PM

From what you've written it sounds like your sister has a strong need to be in control. It sounds very familiar to someone who was in my family. If they couldn't get what they wanted they resorted to blackmail or decided to go silent on me until I apologised and did as they asked. For years she was like that until finally I had enough of it.

There's a point where you have to make a stand. Your sister is 25. You're 19. You're not a child anymore. Don't allow her to treat you like one. Stand up for yourself and if she chooses to go silent on you then let her. Let her be the childish one and let her know that she no longer has any hold over you otherwise her behaviour will rule your life. It will be hard and it will be hurtful but believe me, it's a lot better than having to deal with a controlling and manipulative family member.


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