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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Amorphous. Offline
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Name: Hamed Khatiz
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No Friends. - July 10th 2013, 10:30 AM

Evening guys .

I just wanted to write in and ask about something a little different. A lot of the time people on this forum write about issues with their friends and potential rifts they have with their friends and family, but then imagine if you HAVE no friends to begin with. That's my issue that I want to get some help with .

OK, so I was bullied for eight and a half years when I was younger, so I think it's probably in my nature that friends are really important to me. My first real friend was Stefanie, I have mentioned her before on here, I have mentioned her MANY times in MedHelp.org, when I was there, BECAUSE, she left me after about six months of knowing each other.

One day, without warning, she wouldn't hug me, and then shake my hand or high five me, and then look at me, talk to me, acknowledge me, be near me.... In that order .

So yeah, she nearly killed me by leaving me and the reason? Because she thought I was looking at her, like peeving on her, her friend told me. Apparently there were many other reasons for leaving me and not talking to me, like a lot, but no one would let them go, so that's a mystery forever , but that's the main reason.

I have gotten therapy and gotten over it, but she hasn't let any of this go ever since and that started mid 2011. I am still really sad about it and it's difficult to talk about, like it's not consuming my life like it used to, but I still wonder about it. I think the major reason I am still sad is because ever since then, I have never had any real friends.

She was my first and last friend .

I don't have anyone now, like of course I have friends that I hang out with at school, but yeah, Ryan Higa described them as acquaintances, when he was in this situation but I have no close friends. Like I never get invited places, and stuff like that, like their not my close friends.

In real life, I have no friends, online, I have an amazing team of friends behind me, my best friend Jenny is really important to me, and she has helped me through so much and I trust her with so much and it goes both ways, but in real life I mean.

I mean, like for example, they were giving away free pizzas at the Uni and I had no one to share it with. I had to walk home in the rain because I had no one to get a lift from or some cash for the train, and I have been meaning to launch a new YouTube channel, now that I have my iPad but I have no cameraman . I mean these seem like trivial issues but they make me feel so lonely.

I sometimes get jealous of people who go on road trips in old school convertibles with friends across the country LOL, I get jealous of people who study with a team, and I get jealous of people who have people to chill with .

I love my online team, and I love my best friend, but I'm still, in many respects, the loner I was when I was being bullied all those years ago....

I have no questions, sometimes people can detect things from magnificently giant rants like this one, so if you have some advice for me, that would be greatly appreciated .

This should be a video .
LOL.

H.


“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place,
But believe that there is much more good in it than bad.
All you have to do is look hard enough,
And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”

~My Childhood Friend.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No Friends. - July 10th 2013, 11:22 AM

I'm going through this after a recent move and it sucks.

Sometimes, when you're not used to having close friends, it's really hard to make them. But there's a first time for everything!

It sounds like you have lovely friends online and that definitely counts.

Could you arrange things yourself for people at school and then invite them to it? Also you could try and spend time with a wider range of people, and try and talk to them and get to know them well. Sometimes it's easy to have an acquaintance-like relationship with someone but that becomes closer the more you talk and experience together.

Sorry I can't be more help. Good luck. I'm sure it'll work out for you



If the world is a cold place
Make it your business to start some fires




   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: No Friends. - July 11th 2013, 04:44 AM

I'm sorry about your friend. I definitely know how it is to kind of get left behind by someone very close to you. It's something that has happened multiple times to me, but I just try to keep high hopes that it's all for a reason and better things will soon come.

I'm afraid I don't have much advice, because I think I'm in the same boat - in a lot of ways. Of course, I have my acquaintances at school but now that it's summer vacation they have no reason to associate with me. So I've been flying solo this summer, with MAYBE one or two online "friends" (who are really just acquaintances as well).

It kinda sucks. I know a lot of people say "oh, you don't need friends!" blah, blah, blah. Maybe it works for some people, but I think as human beings the majority of us need to be social in some kind of sense. Definitely keep watching videos on the topic! There are some pretty great YouTubers who have been through similar situations and learned to make friends, or learned how to deal with not having them.

Hang in there!
   
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Re: No Friends. - July 14th 2013, 09:11 PM

You've got to put yourself out there. I know it feels like you do an awful lot at times, and there isn't any reciprocation... but if we're completely honest with ourselves, there is ALWAYS more we can do. The opportunities are out there - we just need to have the courage to pursue them. You're going to be rejected more often than not, but we need to believe our hard work will pay off with time.

How often do YOU invite people to hang out with you? As much as we would like to be invited to things, we usually have to make a significant amount of effort on our ends before we can receive regular invitations from people we'd like to befriend. Up until a few months ago, I really never got invited to anything. When I moved in with my boyfriend, we threw a housewarming party and invited several people. Two weeks later, we threw a themed dinner and movie party, and invited those same people. Now, we get weekly invitations to hang out with those people, and when we go to those events, we get to meet more people, whom we can then invite to future parties at our place. In the future, those people may think of us and invite us to their parties, and so on and so forth.

How often do you try new things - in real life? Volunteering with organizations and joining free recreational groups is a wonderful way to meet new people. Again, though, it's not enough to just show up - you have to talk to those people as well. Get to know them, find out if you have any common interests, and when you're done for the day, ask if they'd like to get coffee/hang out with you! Find someone new to ask out every week, and if you really hit it off with someone, arrange for them to hang out with you on a day when you're both free.

I was also bullied when I was younger, and it hurt me more than I cared to admit for a very long time. To this day, I often find myself making excuses for why I can't go to events I've been invited to ("I'm tired," "I have a stomachache," "I'm not really in the mood for _________," etc.). The only way to overcome your personal obstacles is to tackle them head-on.






   
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Re: No Friends. - July 16th 2013, 12:32 PM

Hey Hamed,

I'm pretty much in the same situation as you. I like your idea of doing the YouTube channel, but you don't really need a cameraman for that, speaking of that, are you planning to make the videos on your iPad? If so, you can use the front-camera and film yourself that way and later transfer it to a computer to edit it and stuff?
I understand how you feel, but hey, you have wonderful friends online who are supportive and care about you. One of my suggestions to you on making friends in real life is basically do what Robin mentioned in her post- you have to put yourself out there, interact with other people, and take the initiative of starting a conversation with them. Honestly, this can be kinda tricky and difficult for some people, while others find it like a piece of cake. If you be brave and walk up someone and atleast say Hi to them, it can help to start building a friendship. Well I hope this helps!
   
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Re: No Friends. - July 21st 2013, 10:48 PM

I'm in almost the same situation
NO FRIENDS.......
BULLIED.......
One day at a time that's how it works
   
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