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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Wings Offline
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Unhappy I'm not good with people - July 25th 2013, 04:27 AM

It seems like no matter what I do, I always feel like I'm letting people down or not being a good enough friend. I've struggled with severe social anxiety my entire life, but through confronting my fear as much as possible it began to lessen over the years. Although, I keep on isolating myself none the less. I have trouble being open with people, I don't feel comfortable being emotionally or physically close to others; even family members. Yet, I get too emotionally attached to others problems. Like if something bad happens to a friend, coworker, or even acquaintance I will cry for them and feel deeply sad as if the problem were my own. Then I mentally beat myself up for not helping them more, I feel guilty for not being able to be emotionally or physically comforting; even if it's not my place to help them.
Every time I spend time with people, I often want to just be one on one and do something relaxing. Like large groups of people overwhelm and drain me, whenever I'm in a group I begin to space out and look elsewhere. I am always the first one to leave a get together, I just prefer being alone. I've been told I don't talk enough about myself, because I'm always the one asking questions about the other person. Yet, I don't want anyone to know me on a deeper level. If that makes sense I also take things much too personally, the slightest tone in one's voice can bring me to tears and make me get upset with myself.
No matter what I do I feel like an inadequate friend, any insight on how I can overcome this?

Thank you
   
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Re: I'm not good with people - July 25th 2013, 04:57 PM

Hey there!

First of all, there is nothing wrong with becoming emotionally attached to people. Sometimes it can be a good or bad thing. Hearing about unpleasant situations can be kind of hard for some people, but you gotta be mentally strong, and help your friend, family members, or whoever it is get through it. Don't hurt yourself because you feel like you aren't a good friend, and from reading your post, I believe that you are a wonderful friend who really cares about others! Well about ways to overcome this, well you can basically make a lot of friends and don't get overly attached to any of them? That's kinda what I do at school, work, etc. Just try maintaining a strong, healthy relationship and do your best to create no hatred, maybe that might work? Well I hope this helps, and good luck with this
~Rishy


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Re: I'm not good with people - July 26th 2013, 07:12 AM

Well for starters, you sound like such a sweet girl. Just from what you said, I don’t know how anyone could think of you as a bad friend and i’m being 100 percent serious=) I do think the social anxiety plays a big role in it because when you are socially anxious, its hard to talk to people and that can make you feel like a bad friend. You aren’t though, I promise you you aren’t. A bad friend wouldn’t think about people’s feelings, they just simply wouldn’t care. YOU do, you just dont always know what to do to help them or what to say and that is TOTALLY fine. A lot of people are that way, i’m that way. Sometimes when a friend is crying, its really hard for me to go up to them or even to hug them and comfort them that way because i’m so nervous and shy. I want to though and if I do nothing and just send them a message later, it eats at me and I feel guilty. Some people just are very nervous when it comes to those types of situations though and sometimes they do better with comforting someone through writing instead of physically or verbally in person. There’s also a lot of people that are afraid of letting someone get close to them and it is usually because they’ve been hurt by other people that they have tried to get close to. I’m not sure why you yourself are afraid but it is okay to be cautious and not tell someone EVERYTHING about you. I think though it may help you to let people in part of the way because we do need people in our lives. We need friends and someone to talk to when we are down or even to spend good days with when we are happy. Also I can TOTALLY relate to wanting to be with friends only one on one. I don’t like group things ether, I get very scared and feel more shy when i’m in a group than I do one on one with someone. If i’m one on one, I can usually talk to the person fairly easily. But anyway, if you ever want to talk or would just like a new friend, my inbox is always open=)


   
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Wings Offline
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Re: I'm not good with people - July 27th 2013, 05:17 AM

Thank you, minniemouseprincess and theOnlyGirl, for the uplifting messages. Your reassurance and advice really means a lot to me, I wasn't expecting such great support
It's a relief to know I'm not the only one who experiences these feelings, thank you for sharing some of your struggles with consoling others minniemouseprincess. You're message really made my day, you brought a smile to my face and you've got me really reflecting on how I've been feeling. You're post is so kind You sound like a great person and I'd love to be friends!
And thanks for advice, theOnlyGirl! I think I just need to stop beating myself up and start focusing more on my relationships with others.
Again, I appreciate it!
   
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Re: I'm not good with people - July 27th 2013, 06:06 AM

Awww well what you just said made MY day so I think we are even=) I just added you sweetie, was a pleasure to get the friend add=)


   
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