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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Frickenfree Offline
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Running away - August 24th 2013, 06:30 PM

I live in a crazy family.
My father is verbally and emotionally abusive, mostly to my mom. I stick up for her all the time but that just makes him worse.
Life is so confusing because everything's situation normal and suddenly he flips into rage mode. I think he has a mental disorder, he doesn't drink or do drugs or anything, so there's no other explanation I can think of. He's so illogical, his rages don't make sense. Also, his family has a history of mental illness along with being extremely dysfunctional.
My mom stands up for herself, she's not a pushover and wants to leave but don't know what he'll do. Likely he'll lock her inside, steal her car keys, possibly hurt her. He's done stuff like that before. She's afraid for her life and more importantly the kids.
I can't take this anymore. I can't wait until my mom finds a way to divorce. I need to leave, it's making me go crazy.
I've thought about staying with
friends who've offered to let me stay, they know some of what goes on. I'm thinking about running away. Thing is my Dad is my only way to get money or clothes or anything. I've been selling stuff on eBay and trying to earn cash here and there any way I can.
I want to try to get a job once I turn 15.
If I leave I can't be in contact with my family until i'm an adult with my own place. They could force me to go back. But at the same time I'd feel really guilty leaving my mom and little brothers and sister behind, I feel like I need to protect them.
Should I even consider running away?? I don't know if I can live with this until i'm 18 and can legally move out. What can I do? Any tips, advice/ shoulders to cry on? I'm so confused.

I've tried to talk to my Dad many times. He doesn't get it, he thinks everyone else is the problem. Life has been a rollercoaster and i'm done. I won't ride his ride anymore. I'm done trying to fix his sh*t when he doesn't to try himself.
I'm not letting him back in. I'm still respectful and not rude, but I'm more distant. I don't joke around with him or chit chat. He can't be my friend and bully at the same time, and until he takes responsibility I'm not letting him in to hurt me again and again.

Last edited by Frickenfree; August 24th 2013 at 07:03 PM. Reason: more details
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Chris Offline
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Re: Running away - August 24th 2013, 08:22 PM

First off, Welcome to TeenHelp.

It sounds like your in a tough situation. I'm going to be very point blank with you: I don't think you should run away. Personally, if you run away your siblings have no one to look up too, things will escalate at home (you Father may become even more abusive), and your mom won't have anyone semi-stable in her life to talk too.

It sounds like your father is either bi-polar, or has some other kind of mental illness which is untreated. What would I do? You're already doing it. Stand by your mom. Support her, and try to urge her to get a divorce or an order of protection soon. On a second note, determine a safe house near where you live. Maybe a neighbor. Why? Because lets say things get really bad, and you can't get to a phone, you should have a pre-determined house in which you can get too to call for help (like 911).

I wish you weren't in such a bad position, and didn't have to be the strong person in the family at such an young age but unfortunately you do. It's a big challenge and it will include some major rough times; but I think that eventually, you and your family will be able to live in a healthy and successful environment.

Stay strong, and keep pushing forward.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Running away - August 24th 2013, 09:34 PM

Coming from someone who has ran away 5 tins, starting at age 13, it is a really bad idea, call social services and a woman's shelter
[Edited]
Running away can land you in worse situations, the last time I ran away, I ebbed up 400 miles from home, in a homeless unit full of drug abusers and mentally ill. Admittedly I had done mental issues, but that situation was far worse than what I had at home. Can you talk to any family members?


My spelling is terrible, so I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes in my posts

Last edited by PSY; August 25th 2013 at 11:50 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Running away - August 24th 2013, 10:37 PM

Not what I to hear lol but I get what you guys are saying, but do you have any ideas on how to keep myself from breaking? I spend time painting and playing video games and stuff, that helps. And what can I do to keep things moving forward?
Butter, did you end up going back home?
Also Chris, from what I've read it seems like he could have BPD, borderline personality disorder. I'm no doctor so I can't say for sure but the symptoms are there.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Running away - August 25th 2013, 02:43 PM

I know its not the greatest thing to hear, but in all honesty, it is not an easy way to live, in many cases it is a hell of a lot worse.
Yes, I did end up back home, things didn't get better until I decided to go to uni, but I was 18 when I came home, so I could be more independent.

You can try and find places to stay at the weekends as much as possible and do as much as you can out of the home. But I really do recomend you talk to social services.

If you want to ask more about what it was like and the realities I faced through running away, feel free to ask. But it is not pretty, I was just incredibly lucky not to succumb to the pressures I encountered.


My spelling is terrible, so I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes in my posts
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Running away - August 25th 2013, 11:56 PM

Running away at your age will lead to more problems. As Chris said, things could escalate at home if you run away. More importantly, though, the problem at home won't be resolved, and you'll just create more problems for yourself. There's no way you can support yourself at this age without support from your legal guardians. You may be forced to do some things that put you in harm's way in order to "get by." You may not be able to go to school, because your parents won't be able to sign any of the legal forms. Without a proper education, and without the ability to work a "normal" job, you'll either be forced to go home or endure some pretty dire living conditions. I've heard of so many young girls running away from home and being forced into prostitution, drug dealing, etc. As strange as it sounds, you're better off at home dealing with your abusive father. At least you'll have a mother who supports you, and neighbors/friends who can assist you if things escalate.

I would strongly recommend you talk to your mother about how you're feeling, and begin to come up with a "safety plan." This may involve getting all your legal documents together (if you have access to them), as well as some cash (if you can get it). Find someone who can provide shelter to your family members, if you need to escape while your father is away. Strongly consider calling CPS (Child Protective Services) - social workers can give you and your mom referrals to women's shelters, places that help women find temporary employment, etc. It is also possible to file a restraining order against your father - I've written an article that outlines the process here. You and your family members do NOT have to deal with this abuse on your own. It is not easy to leave, but if you are concerned about your father's behavior escalating, it's time to think about what you can all do to ensure your physical and mental well-being.






   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Running away - September 3rd 2013, 04:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butters View Post
I know its not the greatest thing to hear, but in all honesty, it is not an easy way to live, in many cases it is a hell of a lot worse.
Yes, I did end up back home, things didn't get better until I decided to go to uni, but I was 18 when I came home, so I could be more independent.

You can try and find places to stay at the weekends as much as possible and do as much as you can out of the home. But I really do recomend you talk to social services.

If you want to ask more about what it was like and the realities I faced through running away, feel free to ask. But it is not pretty, I was just incredibly lucky not to succumb to the pressures I encountered.
If you could share your story that'd be great. What happened, what was it like? What did you experience as a run away and what made you go back home?


Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Running away at your age will lead to more problems. As Chris said, things could escalate at home if you run away. More importantly, though, the problem at home won't be resolved, and you'll just create more problems for yourself. There's no way you can support yourself at this age without support from your legal guardians. You may be forced to do some things that put you in harm's way in order to "get by." You may not be able to go to school, because your parents won't be able to sign any of the legal forms. Without a proper education, and without the ability to work a "normal" job, you'll either be forced to go home or endure some pretty dire living conditions. I've heard of so many young girls running away from home and being forced into prostitution, drug dealing, etc. As strange as it sounds, you're better off at home dealing with your abusive father. At least you'll have a mother who supports you, and neighbors/friends who can assist you if things escalate.


I would strongly recommend you talk to your mother about how you're feeling, and begin to come up with a "safety plan." This may involve getting all your legal documents together (if you have access to them), as well as some cash (if you can get it). Find someone who can provide shelter to your family members, if you need to escape while your father is away. Strongly consider calling CPS (Child Protective Services) - social workers can give you and your mom referrals to women's shelters, places that help women find temporary employment, etc. It is also possible to file a restraining order against your father - I've written an article that outlines the process. You and your family members do NOT have to deal with this abuse on your own. It is not easy to leave, but if you are concerned about your father's behavior escalating, it's time to think about what you can all do to ensure your physical and mental well-being.
Thank you for your advice! The safety plan is a good idea.
Wouldn't cps try to get me and my siblings to a different family if they know our family isn't safe?

Last edited by Chris; September 3rd 2013 at 07:25 PM. Reason: Merged Consecutive Posts
   
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