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Question mum dosen't care!!! - October 5th 2013, 09:53 PM

Ever since a young age my mum has payed little to no attention to me, it would always be my dad or older sisters who would look after me. Her and my dad use to fight a lot until my mum cheated twice! First it was with my oldest sisters then best friend then it was with her EX! She always had some thing out foe my sister and she wanted what my sister had. The thing that is one of the worst parts is that now she has a relationship with this ex and they plan to get married and have kids. So be it they go and be happy but she has called me crazy and out of my head because I react to the things she does but is she right? She's managed to turn 1 of my 3 sister against me because I was having an argument with her and she twisted my words and then my sister came and said she wanted nothing to do with me. She's gotten the police involved more than once. She told me she would take me out one day but failed to tell me that her new boyfriend was going to be their and I had to stay with him the whole day. I mean am I wrong to say this but she is the one that it twisted in the head. Have I done anything wrong. Every time I went to talk to my mum it would end in an argument (which I always won). Then daily we would have arguments over text and I wouldn't see her for weeks. She didn't like that I could stand up for myself and I didn't coward down, so she would always lie to me and make me feel bad about myself. Then I finally had the guts to tell her to act like a 40 year old woman like she is and not a kid. I told her she was crazy and I wanted nothing to do with her, do you think I have made the right decision? To be honest i have never felt happier not having my mum or sister in my life. I have an amazing relationship with my dad and I love him so much but it is hard to talk to him about this. But have I done the right thing cutting them out of my like cause some people are telling me different. People say that we only get one mum and some people don't even get a mum but should we really have someone in are life like that??? I Struggle to keep my head out of the gutter, I try to not listen to people laughing and calling me ungrateful and I'm needing to get it out??!!??
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Re: mum dosen't care!!! - October 6th 2013, 01:41 AM

First of all, welcome to the site!

Second of all, I'm really sorry to hear that you've had to put up with someone like this, especially since that person was your mom. If that's the way that your mom wants to be, then it'd be just best to let her go for the better, which is what you did. From my perspective, you made the right decision. I know about the lecture that we only get one mom and dad, but to have a mom like yours, that talk doesn't really coincide with your situation. It seems like your mom just doesn't want to change her attitude, and you know what: you can't make her do so. None of this is your fault. Don't blame yourself for the mistakes that your mom has done. Everything that your mom did was her decision, not yours. You didn't have anything to do with the decisions that your mom made. She should understand that since she's an adult, but the fact that your mom is blaming her mistakes on you just really shows that she's not doing her job as a parent, and is acting really immature.

I suggest you talk to your dad about this. I know it will be hard to do so, but if you really love your dad and have an amazing relationship with him (which in fact, you do), you have to trust him. He's there for you because he's your dad, and he'll always be there to help you get through troubled times no matter what. He won't let anything happen to you.

Also, don't listen to what other people are saying. People will just be the way they are, and you can't change them if that's who they really are. Don't let it get to you, and don't strive to look for approval from them. The only person you really need to seek approval from is yourself; no one else.

If you need to talk more about this, or you need someone to talk to, I'm only a PM/VM away. Don't hesitate to contact me. I'll be more than happy to respond back as soon as I can. I wish you all the best that things will improve and turn out for the better.

“The main thing is realizing that even if you feel terrible for a while, that’s not how you’re going to feel the whole time. . . . Things change if you just keep moving.” - Gary Vaynerchuk
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Re: mum dosen't care!!! - October 9th 2013, 06:28 PM

Humans were born with a selfish nature. You should try and tell her you feel this way and she may change for you.
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Re: mum dosen't care!!! - October 9th 2013, 10:38 PM

Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

The argument that you should maintain contact with your manipulative mother because "you only get one mother" is a ridiculous one. Yes, it's important to not "burn bridges" whenever you can help it... but if your mother is causing you to feel bad about yourself, then you need to find ways to remedy the situation. If she's not willing to change, then unfortunately, ceasing contact with her may be the best option.

Something to keep in mind is that this separation does NOT have to be permanent. My relationship with my mother is far from perfect (she was emotionally/verbally abusive when I was a teenager), and when I turned 18, I moved out of her home and severely limited my contact with her (we met for the holidays/birthdays). After a few years, she started to "soften" emotionally, and while we still don't get along from time to time (she reverts back to "old habits"), we DO have a better relationship now than we did six years ago.

I wish you and the rest of your family members all the best! Again, I encourage you to take care of yourself physically and emotionally, but to avoid "burning bridges" if you can help it. People CAN change (I'm betting your sister will eventually come around, once she realizes she was manipulated by your mother), so while it's good to keep abusive people at a distance, it's also good to leave the door open for them in case they change for the better.

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