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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Annoying teenage friend drama :( - October 15th 2013, 09:56 PM

So, first off, it literally pains me to write this thread right now. I never thought the day would come, but it has.

One of my best friends and myself are currently juniors in high school, but we met when we were freshmen. We clicked right away, and became instant best friends. But we had our tiffs in freshmen year. One of the biggest ones was over a biology project. Basically, we ended up really calling each other out and verbally beating each other up. But we prevailed and forgave each other. We had a good sophomore year I believe, but junior year isn't starting off very well.

Okay, here's what's been going on. This friend (Who I will call A) has been wanting me and our two other friends, B and C, to hang out with her almost every day after school. It started with the movies. She wanted us to go to the movies with her to see Gravity. It happened that the day she wanted to go, I had somewhere else to be. I told her that, but every day she pushed me to go to the movies with her. She said "I'll tell you this secret, that secret, the movies are cheap, everyone will be there" etc. But I kept telling her no. I ended up not going. After that, she wanted to hang out with me, B, and C every day. She wanted to take pictures, walk around the school, go to lunch, etc. She pressured my other friend (D) into taking pictures too, when D had some very important homework to do, and A knew it. I live pretty far away from the school, and because we were hanging out too much, I wasn't getting home until 4ish, and I have lots of homework I need to do. (Oh. and one other thing. A takes the bus home everyday, and I do alot. But she takes the bus going north, and I go south. She is ALWAYS asking me to take the bus with her, even though she knows I go in the other direction. She even suggested I take the bus with her anyway, and then go back. Meaning I'd have to pay two fares for nothing.)

Anyway, me and friend C agreed that friend A wanted to hang out too much. All I said to C in English class was "Whatever social gathering A wants to have today, just say no." I thought I was saying it to him, and only him. But I guess he told B, and B told A, or something like that. Either way, A found out and is mad at me and C. Now, I see where she's coming from. I'll admit, what I did say was a little offensive and I regret it. But also, in my defense, it wasn't like I said I hated hanging out, or we shouldn't do it anymore. I can see that she might have thought I meant that. But all I really meant was we shouldn't hang out every day. If I were in her shoes, I'd kinda take that as a hint, and apologize for asking too much of my friends. But everyone is different, and I get it.

Anyway, A is mad at me at and giving me the silent treatment. B told me today, but told me not to tell anyone. I'm sick of the drama with her. I mean, we're both kinda in the wrong here. I admit, I probably shouldn't have said what I said. But A should have confronted me about it, instead of ignoring me. Days of drama could have been saved. In my personal opinion, I feel she shouldn't be this mad. But again, I get it. I'd be a little offended too if my friends said that about me. But giving me the silent treatment? I get it if she wants to avoid arguing, but finding out from someone else is terrible. If she had just confronted me and said "Hey, you said this and I'm offended." I would have said "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I meant to say this..." Bah, blah, blah, and we could have made up and resolved the problem. But shes ignoring me, and giving me half-assed answers to my questions. Again, I get where she's coming from, and she has every right to be mad. But being mad for such a silly reason? I mean, we're best friends. Are you really going to let one statement ruin such a good friendship? If we got over the biology thing (which was TERRIBLE), we can get through this easily. So why can't we?

I'd talk to her, but then I'd have to mention that B told me everything, and I can't do that since B told me not to tell. And I don't want A getting mad a B either. This will probably all blow over in a few days, but it's really on my mind. Should I talk to her? Or should I give her the silent treatment back? Should I stop trying to resolve the issue and let it fizzle on it's own? What if it never fizzles? What if this is the straw the broke the camels back?
(Sorry for this being so long! I needed to let his out)


Savvy?

   
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Re: Annoying teenage friend drama :( - October 18th 2013, 10:14 PM

Hey there. Sorry for not responding sooner!

Well, it sounds like practical and classic high school drama. From what I see here, it looks like the reason why these fights happen (particularly the last one) is because there is no communication. When you have a problem with someone, or have something to say - you say it directly to that person, not to someone else. When someone hurts your feelings, you talk to them about it and not ignore them. Communication is and forever will be the way to solve issues.

As you said, it's both your faults. But, we can't go back in the past to change what already happen; so where do we go from here? Well, I think if it isn't already resolved, you should talk to her. Apologize if you hurt her feelings, but also try to let her know that you have things to do, and you can't always interact with her and go to her 'social events'. You have homework, family related stuff, etc to tend too. And also make sure you let her know that you do care about her, and love hanging out with her but you just need a break sometimes. If after this productive conversation with her, she still refuses to talk to you, then you can't do anything else but let it be. Thankfully, you can walk away from the situation knowing you did all you could have and hopefully she will come to terms with the situation.

For future reference, I urge you to take the path of communication no matter what the situation is (relationships, friendships, etc). Communication alone can usually cut down drama by 50% or more, along with extinguishing the majority possibility of miscommunication and additional issues.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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