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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Conner Offline
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Age: 21

Posts: 2
Join Date: October 23rd 2013

Never had an extremely close friend - October 24th 2013, 12:46 AM

As my join date suggests, I'm new to this site. So for my first post I guess I'll ask a question that's not really serious, but more of a curiosity and a wonder. Enjoy as I ramble on for a while.

I've never had an extremely close friend. I feel a bit idealistic and silly when I say this but hey, the anonymity of the internet is here for a reason. When I say that, I mean that I've never had a friend who is someone I tell everything too, and they tell me everything. Someone who I hang out with all the time.

Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of friends, and several good friends too. And I feel close to them, I feel I know them reasonably well, and I hang out with them a lot. They know me fairly well too. But we hardly talk about what we've done or what we're thinking of doing, etc.

Whenever I have little else to do and start to think about it, it actually makes me feel a little sad. I'm curious to know if other people feel this way, and if many people do have a friend like that. Or if I've just been affected by stories including friends like that get to me.

Thanks for reading, and opinions are appreciated! I hope I posted this in the right section too.
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Chris Offline
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Name: Chris
Age: 24
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Re: Never had an extremely close friend - October 24th 2013, 08:50 PM

Hi Conner - Welcome to TeenHelp!

I have been in similar situations, where I've had friends (some close friends even) that I've never told everything too. I want to say that I think we all have friends in which we don't tell everything to, because we all have our deep secrets, or tragedies in which we wouldn't want to share just in case we can't trust that person 100%.

Trust is a whole other thing we can get into (which I feel may be contributing to you holding back or not establishing the friendship correctly), but I want you to know that if you believe you have a friend in which you can trust and share things with, then go for it! My senior year in High School (it was a private catholic school) we went on a trip called 'Kairos'. This trips purpose is to gain an incite into each other lives, and learn to not judge a book by its cover. There were 50 boys on this trip, and throughout 50 different speeches, we heard stories of sexual, physical, and verbal abuse, abortion, self harm, depression, and almost anything else you can think about. Why did everyone share those things to a group of 50 classmates? Because we all trusted each other, and we were all 'brothers'. Those stories stayed in our hearts, and never left that room. It's been over a year, and those stories still haven't left that group, or our hearts. I tell you that story to tell you this story. I had four close friends that also went on that trip (one's that I trusted, but not enough with my whole life story). Well after that trip they had heard my whole life story and I heard theres, and I didn't regret it one bit. Our friendships grew like no other, and even though I'm 300+ miles away from them at college, our friendships are still strong.

So while it's normal to not trust people, and to not have the connection with people in which you don't tell them everything is perfectly ok, I really do encourage you to find a person that you think fits the bill, and start sharing alittle bit more of yourself to that person. You may realize that you can find someone better to fulfill this role (trial and error process), or it may turn out that you just started one of the best friendships you will ever have.

Take a chance; change is good.

Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...

Last edited by Chris; October 24th 2013 at 11:21 PM.
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Conner Offline
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Re: Never had an extremely close friend - October 24th 2013, 11:07 PM

Thanks for the reply! Though what you said didn't hit exactly what made me feel that way head on, it gave me something to think about and helped a lot. Trust is definitely not the issue. My friends are all great, open minded people, and know almost as much about me as I know myself, things that I guarantee you there would be a number of people who wouldn't remain my friend after knowing. (Hence why they're amazing people. Forgive me for sounding like I'm trying to be different.) What's missing isn't the big things, it's the little things.

They know, and care enough to listen to, the big things that go on in my life. But there's no one who I really discuss the smaller, more irrelevant things with. Either I just feel like they're not the best person to tell, or that they wouldn't care, or whatever else, that's what is getting in my way.

Thanks again. Even for not being dead on, you really did help me figure it out in my own mind in a way that I could explain to others. Which is more than I had before. : )

(By the way, it's "Conner", not "Connor" : P)
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