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Appyb Offline
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Unhappy Can't keep friends :/ - November 29th 2013, 06:04 PM

Aaaaahhh!!!!! I've never had a friend for more than three years!! I read books about these "bffs" and it seems so fake cuz thrice I have had a really nice group of friends and the first time I shifted to the other end of the world the next time the group broke up and the third time we all joined different high schools... Me and my best friend joined the same school but first I went through a tough relationship and zoned out and then the same thing happened o her and somewhere in finding ourselves again we screwed up because now she doesn't even look at me!! I sit right next to her and we have all thesame classes and even thesame friend circle but she never shares anything with me. Could it be because I got back with my boyfriend and I'm really happy now but she found out hers cheated? I've tried speaking to her but I feel like she only talks to me when she needs something from me I don't wanna cut off the friendship because of all the history we have but it doesn't even seem like a friendship anymore..... And my stupid body is screwing with my skin an I've become extremely insecure and I'd really love to talk to her the way we used to do.... Can I ever get her back!??

I know this is long but i just ha dto get the story out it seems like something out of a book but i cant see the happy ebdingMy best friend and I have been through a lot emotionally since we met last year. In tenth we started talking and we instantly clicked. We were almost inseparable and she became closer than my own sister. Then around the ending of tenth, she set me up with a guy friend of hers and now we're together and completely owe it to her.... Anyway Almost a week after me and my now boyfriend got to know each other, her crush asked her out and after our final exams this guy asked me out but I wasn't ready for the relationship and broke up with him after a month and around the Same time she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. Unfortunately I wasn't there at that time and I couldn't help her through it... I came back, our 11th started and I was very depressed because I still liked him but I didn't know how to get me back, and at this point she kept trying to talk to me and I pushed her away. But then after a bit of drama and talking it out me and him got back together and now I'm really happy I changed for the good. But when I tried taking to her she kept giving me the cold shoulder and she was like a changed person. We held up an intervention for her so she could open up and she said she was trying an there was a phase in between when I thought she was almost back but I lost her again :/ now I sit right next to her in clad but we're like strangers and I don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone the way I could talk to her and it hurts me emotionally to be with her like this! Has she not forgiwn me for not being there for her or have i just been a bad friend! Should I end it entirely cuz I can't wait for her anymore but I miss her so much!!

Last edited by Chris; November 29th 2013 at 08:27 PM. Reason: Combined posts.
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Re: Can't keep friends :/ - November 30th 2013, 09:32 AM

Hello, Appy! Welcome to TeenHelp. =)

It can be difficult to maintain healthy friendships during high school. People can change drastically, and "drama" can make friendships very messy. It sounds like you have tried reaching out to your friend, and for some reason, she's not willing to put effort into repairing your friendship. She may need more time, she may have already "moved on" emotionally, or she may be dealing with an unrelated issue that's causing her to neglect your friendship (e.g., if she's focused on her boyfriend, then she may not be able to focus on you).

Whether or not you decide to "wait" for her is up to you. I have waited for some friends and been grateful that I did, and I have waited for some friends and regretted it. I have given up on some friends and been grateful that I did, and I have given up on some friends and regretted it. Every friendship is going to be different, so only you can decide which approach is best. Making a "pros and cons" list may be helpful. I have been struggling with one of my friendships as well, and something I realized is that he was a great friend... keyword being "was." The past is important to me, but if someone is making me feel bad about myself NOW, then that should outweigh anything good they did in the PAST. You can't dwell on the past, because it will prevent you from moving forward and enjoying the present moment.

You may also want to think about your friendships as a whole. Is there a theme or pattern to how they end? Is there a common factor? Sometimes, if we're completely honest with ourselves, we'll realize that we are sabotaging our friendships by being dramatic, "clingy," rude, selfish, etc. Other times, we'll realize that we keep picking the wrong people, and by hanging out with different types of people, we can begin to create meaningful, lasting friendships.

Good luck, Appy! Feel free to keep us updated on your situation. =)

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Appyb Offline
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Re: Can't keep friends :/ - November 30th 2013, 04:44 PM

Well it's nice to know I'm not alone
But I spoke to her about it a while back and she said I know what I'm doing and I'm sorry but I'm working on it and that's fine by me but it's just these phases in the middle where she really gets my hopes up cuz she starts talkin to me and agin the next day or something it back to the same thing. And the thing is she speaks to everyone else properly like laughs along and has fun or whatever but just it with me...
No I don't think it's a pattern because I do have a lot of other friends as well its just that there are very few people I'm so comfortable with and I don't wanna go through another cycle of losing one of them...
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best friend problem, bestie, friends, losing

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