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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My friends are now "friends with benefits" :/ - December 17th 2013, 10:58 PM

Two of my good friends have lately started to flirt with each other, a lot, like they don't realize that me and the rest of my friendship group can see it but we all can. Anyways the girl has told me that they have both discussed being friends with benefits and I told her it wasn't a good idea as it could get messy etc. and she said she wouldn't go through with it but the other day I almost caught them both making out in the college toilets and I have now been told that its true that they secretly make out on a regular basis. Like I said, neither of them know that I know whats going on and it's really getting to me because I don't want to lose either of them as friends if what they're doing goes all wrong. Should I confront them? I was thinking of trying to maybe catch them out but i dunno :/
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Re: My friends are now "friends with benefits" :/ - December 17th 2013, 11:11 PM

First, it might help to know if you and your friends have the same definition for "friends with benefits." Generally, when people say "friends with benefits," they mean two friends having sex with each other. "Making out" doesn't usually equate to "friends with benefits." They could be friends who like each other, and are trying to decide if they want to be in a romantic relationship. Kissing may be a way for them to decide if they have "chemistry" and like each other enough to start dating. When your friend said she wasn't going to be "friends with benefits," she might have meant that she wouldn't have sex with your other friend unless they were in a romantic relationship.

Interrupting them mid-kiss and "calling them out" on their behavior will probably backfire. You'll be seen as "nosy," or worse. Sometimes, people need to learn from the mistakes they make. You can tell them that what they're doing is a bad idea, but ultimately, they won't believe it until they've experienced it. You can always seek clarification about their relationship "status" and urge them to be cautious, but ultimately, you need to decide if it's more important to be right or to be on good terms with your friends. You CAN remain friends with both of these people, regardless of what they decide to do with each other! On the other hand, if you sabotage your friendships by interfering and pushing your agenda, then you may end up losing BOTH friends.

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Re: My friends are now "friends with benefits" :/ - December 18th 2013, 06:40 PM

I would say just leave them do what they want. If they end up messing up their friendship then that's their fault, but if you stick your nose in you might ruin your friendships with them. You're only young (so I assume they're about your age) so it's normal to want to experiment and become physical with others. It could either become a real thing for them, or it'll just fizzle out, but just let them get on with it.

It might be a little strange, a a bit weird to get used to but it's their choices.
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