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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

View Poll Results: How well do you get along with your parents?
Very well- we very rarely have any problems 2 11.76%
Pretty well- there's occasional arguments but not a lot 6 35.29%
okay- we argue and have problems on average 1-2 times a week 6 35.29%
Awful- we fight constantly 4 23.53%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 17. You may not vote on this poll

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taylor_4150 Offline
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Parent help - December 29th 2013, 01:48 AM

This is my first post btw.
So my parents and I argue a lot-usually over stupid things. Such as what chores I need to do or whether I did something wrong or not. I feel like I'm useless and Im hardly ever happy. And it results in us being in bad moods for days, and sometimes my dad leaves for the rest of the day/night. Most arguing is between my mom and I- and my dad cant handle it. So how can I get along better with my parents? Is there any way to possibly reduce arguing? If I feel an argument coming along, how can I prevent it from being full-blown?

Thanks a lot for your help.
   
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Re: Parent help - December 29th 2013, 02:17 AM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =)

There are a lot of things you can do to improve communication with your parents. For example, if there's a misunderstanding about what chores need to be completed, then it might help for all of you to get together and write down when each chore will be completed, and by whom.

It might also help to talk to your parents when everyone is calm, and to express how you feel about all the arguing. Come up with some ideas on how you can de-escalate arguments. For example, if you feel your mom is starting to get more and more upset, you can say, "Time out!" as a reminder for your mom to take a few minutes to calm down and phrase her requests/concerns in more acceptable ways. The same needs to be applicable for you - and make your signals or keywords whatever you want them to be. The important thing is that EVERYONE in your family agrees to abide by the guidelines you're creating for yourselves.

If you can't de-escalate an argument (because one or more family members won't cooperate), then have some coping strategies in place. For example, whenever I had an argument with my mom, I would go into my room and play some soothing music. After doing that for a while, my mood would improve. It wouldn't be "perfect," but it would be better, and I could go about my day without feeling the need to lash out or cause more arguments.






   
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Re: Parent help - December 29th 2013, 02:49 AM

Hello there and welcome to TH

Arguing with your parents is perfectly normal, especially for teenagers, but I'm glad that you want to try to make things better. Here are some things you can do to try and reduce the tension:

Preventing arguments:

Calm and respectful communication is key. If it's something like chores or rules, ask your parents, calmly, and when they are not busy, to lay out exactly what's expected of you in terms of what chores you have and what behavior is acceptable. Also ask for clear consequences if you don't follow a rule or do a chore. That will help because you will both know when you did something wrong and what will happen because of it.

If there's something you don't agree with or a rule that you would like a reason for, see if they will let you know why it's important to them. For example, if they insist that you clean your room, and you think it's your room so why do they care if it's clean?, respectfully ask them why.

Negotiation may be possible depending on the rule or consequence; if you really feel like something is unfair, calmly and respectfully let them know and see if they're willing to work with you.

Also, try to understand where the other person is coming from

Once you're arguing:

As hard as it is, try to stay calm. Once you both start yelling, you just escalate each other and there's a good chance neither of you is hearing what the other is saying.

Let your mom and/or dad know that you're getting upset and need time to think, then walk away (some parents view sudden walking off as disrespect which could make things worse).

Try counting to 10 or taking a deep breath before responding to help keep you from saying something you regret.

Resolve the issue once you've both calmed down and take responsibility for your part in the argument. For example: I got upset when you told/asked me to do X because (give reason) I'm sorry I (yelled, called you X, did Y etc.).


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