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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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1924 Offline
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How come I don't care about my mom being in jail but if it were my dad I would care? - January 13th 2014, 10:13 PM

I asked about some things involving my mom's incarceration before, but there are two weird feelings I have that I wanted to ask about

I have talked to my on the phone while she is there and for some reason I feel more comfortable being open with her about anything now then when she was actually here. Any reason why I would feel that way now?

another, interesting feeling , I made some joking comments to her saying things like "oh now mom will be getting ordered around by people" , also compared prison food to school lunches and her having to take showers in front of other inmates and a guard similar to the gym locker room.

My mom is not asking for any kind of pity party and it is clear she does not mind being self depreciating about this. I think this has helped make the situation more comfortable for everyone. (and this is despite her usually being a serious person)

but I just realized now that if my dad was the one in jail I would feel a lot worse. I wonder why though. I like them both equally and neither committed a crime before , hell my dad is probably more strict and am about as equally close to them

also, PS, anyone know any good books or magazines to order from Amazon to send to her? I honestly don't know about which adult books or magazines or good and my mom hasn't read anything for entertainment for a very long time
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Re: How come I don't care about my mom being in jail but if it were my dad I would care? - January 13th 2014, 10:19 PM

You said that you like both your parents equally. Although sometimes we can like our parents both equally, sometimes it's the way that we like them is what's different. How do you act around your mum? Is it different to your dad? Maybe you're more used to making jokes and other things towards/with your mum than you are with your dad and this is where your feelings come from.

I can't say I know any good books but I'm sure there are many readers on TeenHelp who can suggest one. Maybe you could ask your mum what she likes and go from there?

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Re: How come I don't care about my mom being in jail but if it were my dad I would care? - January 15th 2014, 05:42 AM

First of all, it's normal to have different feelings about each parent. Even when you like them equally, as the post above mine says, sometimes you just like people in different ways. Maybe your dad being in jail would make more of a practical difference in your life. Maybe you see your dad as a source of security in your life, like a rock, and it would make things very unstable if he wasn't around.

It's great that you feel comfortable talking to your mother and that you're being able to make jokes.

The fact that you feel more at ease talking to her now could be because you don't feel like she has anything to hide. I don't know the details behind her incarceration, but maybe you feel like she did something wrong and is now facing the consequences instead of hiding it. It could be for a number of other reasons too but the most important thing is that you feel at ease with her.

Which books or magazines you should send depends on what her tastes and interests are. Some facilities also have strict regulations about the types of content you can send, if they have a website or a phone number you can call you can find out if there's anything you should avoid. You can ask your mother directly as she probably knows or can find out for you. If you ask her what she wants to read it might make it easier as well.

If you want to make it a surprise you can be more subtle, when you're talking about how she spends her time in there you can ask about books and whether she reads. Then choose based on that. You could also ask your dad or look at the books she owns at home. What are her interests? It would be easier to recommend things if we knew.
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