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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Magda Offline
Magdalena Konopacka
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Thumbs down im upset and im fed up :'( - February 5th 2014, 10:06 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I haven't been here in ages and it sort of feels weird writing this.
so, I used to self harm but I haven't for some time now, since may last 2013.
I got out of it and in the meantime told my family.
Since then, its been a real rollercoaster.
I had my first bf, which was a total mess from the beginning, been backstabed a lot and by one ex friend I think in the worst way possible.
I'm still a little scared of even talking about that.
This Christmas me and my family went back to Poland and I met a cool guy there but nothing came out of it cuz I live I England.
I have a best friend and she too also used to self harm but stopped around the same time as me. Lately, she told me she did it again, from what I know it was only once. I try and pay her even more attention and be more supportive. This sort of kicked me in the teeth.
I'm in yr10 and really stressed with school, lots of mocks and tests, I'm doing good so far (I think anyways).
I have a father who is a workaholic and a mum who drinks beer every day and hides it from my dad.
Recently her drinking has worsened.
everything that I've said so far and added a little to depressing me a bit and im a little scared to open up to my best friend cuz I don't want it affecting her.
Ever since she's done it again, its started to be an excuse for me to sh again ( but I haven't yet).
This is different to how it was last time and I don't want to start self harming again but right now im in my room with no way of contacting my best friend uptill tomorrow and feeling real down cuz my mum had a go at both me and my dad.
Im scared im gonna sh again and I feel helpless. I need some advice and hopefully someone who knows where im coming from.
I didn't really know where to place this thread.
Id be really thankfull for any responses. Thx xoxo

Last edited by Magda; February 5th 2014 at 10:09 PM. Reason: typo
   
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Re: im upset and im fed up :'( - February 5th 2014, 10:41 PM

Hey there,

First of all, I want to say that it is great that you have been in recovery for so long! That is something that you should be really proud of.

Are you out of the situation with your first boyfriend and ex friend now? I think if possible, you should try and cut ties with them as much as possible by not answering any messages they send you and by deleting them off of social networks, so they don't have the opportunity to contact you and try and backstab you anymore. You don't deserve that.

As far as the friend goes, maybe you should remind her that both of you can be a support system for each other, meaning that if you are struggling with your self harm you can go to her and she can go to you if she is struggling. That way, it is still a two-way street and both of you are getting the support you need from each other. It is okay if both of you support each other!

As far as school goes, maybe to at least make it easier on you, if you are ever struggling with the mocks or tests, maybe you can go back in and ask the teachers to review some of the material that is on them. That way, you can make sure you are at least understanding the material, which can boost your confidence. But, also find ways to relax after school as well. Maybe you can take a warm bath or shower then curl up with a good book or movie, paint your nails, or use a nice lotion. It can be really nice to take care of yourself, and it may refocus you a bit.

I think you should have conversations with both your parents individually. The first one can be with your dad. Let him know that you understand he needs to work and that work is really important to him. But, also let him know that him being a workaholic has been impacting you a lot. Let him know how it has made you feel. Maybe if he knows how you are feeling, he can make an increased effort to take some time off to spend time with you.

If you feel as if you would be safe to do so you can also have a talk with your mom about her drinking, but only do this if you feel safe. Basically, this would be where you would let her know how concerned you are because she drinks every day and lately her drinking has worsened. Let her know why you are concerned about her and her well being. It may make an impact to let her know you've taken notice.

Remember that this shouldn't be an excuse for you to start self harming again. Self harm is not a good way to cope with anything that is going on and it also doesn't solve anything that you are going through. Give yourself reasons not to self harm that outweigh any reasons you have to. Remind yourself that you have been self harm free for a long time and how proud that makes you, and that you don't want to give it up. Remind yourself of why you stopped self harming in the first place and how you are worth more than self harm. Any reasons you have to recover and stay recovered from self harm rather than relapsing, remind yourself of. It may also help to write down some encouraging quotes and pictures that you can have with you when you get these urges so you can have a reminder to not do it.

These are alterantives to self harm. These are healthier, safer ways to cope, so if you ever get the urge, try one of these instead. There are plenty there, so experiment with what may work for you. It's so much better to use an alternative than to give in.

Try and find ways to express your emotions as well. For example, you can write, use art, or music to get out pent up thoughts. Exercise is also a great way to get out stress.

I think it may be also beneficial to you to get a support system around you. If you have any other family members such as aunts, uncles, or grandparents, you can talk to, that is an option. Or, you can speak with someone such as a doctor, school nurse, guidance counselor, teacher, coach or club adviser, or other adult. If you don't want to mention the self harm right off the bat you don't have to, but you can mention things like your mom's drinking or what happened between your ex friend, and they can help you solve the problems so they're not an issue anymore. Normally, they will keep everything confidential unless they have a reason to believe you are going to harm yourself or someone else, or you're in any danger. Even if you mention the self harm, though, it's good to have support.

You can do this.

-Dez


   
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Re: im upset and im fed up :'( - February 6th 2014, 07:33 AM

Hey, thx dez for all you're advice, i'm gonna do what you told me. I've already deleted that ex friend. Thx loads
   
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