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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy I have lost all respect for my mom - March 3rd 2014, 06:21 AM

I just want to talk to someone about this...ok,so I'm 16,my dad died when I was 12. My mom started dating a few months after my dad died and was going to marry her old highschool boyfriend within six months. (Then she found out he was cheating on her and yeah...)Between that and losing my dad I flipped out and attempted suicide. Four years later I'm still here but barely,been dealing with issues of severe mental disorders,no friends,and my mom and I have a lot of problems in our relationship caused by my disorders. After the whole hs bf thing didn't work out my mom settled down and said it was a mid life crisis and her way of dealing with my dad's death. I told her about my suicide and self harming and how scared i was of her remarrying and I just didn't like her dating. She cooperated for a few years. Then last year I guess she figured I was old enough and she had been lonely so she started talking to another old boyfriend and they casually dated all last summer. Then she found out HE WAS MARRIED and after another month of dating him knowing it was wrong she left him. Then she was all depressed over that and started online dating in the fall. Ugh. She was so preoccupied texting with like ten different guys she'd met on the site she could barely focus on anything else. Then she started traveling to meet these guys and staying out later and later and I wondered if she was just having sex with them as I had caught her texting naked pictures. I was disgusted and confronted her and she swore she was not having sex (I should add my mom is a christian and I'm not and I believe in waiting til marriage and with someone you really love) she just liked seeing these guys for drinks and stuff. Whatever. I let it go and focused on my own issues cause there are kind of a lot. I got used to my mom being gone practically every other night and not coming home til 1 or 2 am ,convincing myself she wasn't sleeping with them. I do hear her complain to her female friends on the phone though that she's not satisfied and wants a real relationship,which is what I don't want because you know..marriage... Then in January she met this guy that's two hours away and he would drive out here and they'd just go out for a quick dinner and then she'd be home. She said she really liked him and from what I heard he's a good guy. Also that he's looking to get remarried but my mom said she's not looking for that right now so for the past two months I've just relaxed and let her see him,even when she started driving two hours to see him frequently and I'm by myself even more now. One day I heard her say to a friend over the phone she had wanted to have sex with this guy,Rich,but he doesn't and that it's really important to her,however she doesn't want to lose him. Fastforward to yesterday when she left her Facebook account open on the computer and I saw her exchanging messages saying she has been meeting up with and then sleeping with several random guys she met online to make up for Rich. Also she had been doing it last year when she lied to me. She's also been drinking loads too,she was an alchoholic before I was born but stopped and now feels entitled to drink again after 15+ years without it. One of the messages she said she drank so much one guy she met the first time she didn't even like but was too drunk to care and they had sex in her car. (This grosses me out to no end as the car is shared by both my mom and me by money my dad left.) And as I type this she said she was going out with Rich in the afternoon and it is now 1:15 am and she's still out. I know she's the parent and as she says I have no business in her personal life and it's not my issue but between reading that last night,watching her go off to church this morning as always begging me to come and how she's always talked about "setting examples" and stuff,I'm bothered,to say the least. Since I have no one else to talk to I decided to post here and would really appreciate anyone else's thoughts on it. thank youuu! ^_^
   
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Re: I have lost all respect for my mom - March 4th 2014, 10:18 AM

I understand, you are going through a tough life. Its not good to attempt a suicide. I must suggest take a step forward and ask your mom and discuss or you must take help of some one who is very close to your father , friend or some one who can tackle situation finally and help you to take a legal step for better living and life.
   
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Re: I have lost all respect for my mom - March 4th 2014, 10:18 PM

I can understand your predicament. You probably don't want to feel like you are parenting your parent. It's most certainly a delicate situation. I know it'll be hard but talking to her would be the best solution. Just *gently* let her know that you know about all the messages because you saw them, that you don't want to judge her or criticize her, but that you are worried about it - let her know you're worried about her drinking and that she's putting herself at risk by being with so many men (apparently).

She might not be wlling to change right now though. She's going to need to do that when she's ready to deal with it. I think you should just start with expressing your concerns and letting her know your worried about it and think she deserves better etc etc However, what I think you should get on the table right away is the lying - she doesn't need to tell you everything, after all do you really want to know you're mom is having sex with her dates? no probably not - but she should know that she doesn't need to lie to you, as it sounds as if her attempts to hide it from you is a pretty serious problem for you - lastly, keep in mind just because you want marriage first doesn't mean she's obligated to feel the same, but on the other hand, I do think it is important to respect yourself and not deceive others (which it sounds like she's doing with the 1 guy she drives 2 hours to see, but i wasn't clear on that). Just let her know you want her to be safe and "worried about herself", suggesting its a respect thing might insult her as she might respect herself, but she might be dealing with *what ever emotional/situational things* that you may or may not fully know of (and might fully depend on her perception of her lifes events) that are causing her to just want "love" or that sexual connection, who knows, but be careful when treading those waters




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