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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ihea Offline
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Afraid of my Family - April 21st 2014, 09:52 PM

I think I have a few reasons why I'm scared of my family, but I don't know if they're like, serious problems or not. :s
  • They have never hit me or neglected me before or really said anything to devastating
  • Most of the time I can tolerate them, but honestly most of every day is spent with me locked up in my room because I have nothing better to do and I don't really like being around them
  • They've never supported me. They discouraged me from doing things I wanted to do and tried to get me to quit things I liked. My sister, however, is allowed to do anything and they try hard to keep her in her programs.
  • A licensed psychologist who had worked with multiple autistic children is really trying to push my mom to get me diagnosed, but she won't do it.
  • Speaking of which, I had really bad anxiety problems a few years ago and every time I had an anxiety that literally left me unable to move she would yell at me and tell me to get a hold of myself and banned me from anything I wanted to do. She only got me medicine after I was unable to leave the house.
  • She put me in therapy 3 1/2 years after than, but only because I hate being touched. My parents thought something was wrong with me, but when we went to therapy they wouldn't let me speak for myself so I stopped cooperating and we stopped going.
  • I did get diagnosed with 3 phobias and OCD while there. She makes fun of my OCD symptoms and tells me I don't have it frequently.
  • My family forcibly try to get me to hug and kiss them although it makes me extremely uncomfortable. They touch me without my permission and when I snap at them for doing that they get angry.
  • They also try forcing me to wear pretty bras and skirts, although I am transmasculine. I'm still closeted, however, because they're transphobic, but every time I tried dressing up like a boy they called me a dyke and they don't understand that the only nightmare I've ever had involved me having to dress up like girl.
  • I am aromantic-asexual, and because of it my family continually tries finding me boyfriends although I have made it clear that any form of romance makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
  • I have a REALLY hard time socializing because kids don't like me and as I mentioned earlier, I'm most likely an Aspie. When I would go CRYING to my mother about how alone I felt, she would blame me and tell me I wasn't trying hard enough even though every time I did try I was ignored.
  • Anytime I go to her for a problem, she starts telling me I'm arrogant and obnoxious and snobby and ignorant and selfish and rude.
  • When I don't tell my parents what's bugging me, they grab me and forcibly pull my chin up so I'm making eye contact and won't let go until I tell them. If I won't meet their eyes (once again, ASPERGER'S), they start making threats to take away my things. However, if I tell them what's wrong,they get even angrier and start blaming me for whatever happened instead of making me feel better.
  • Whenever we're in public, my sister does her best to make me look bad in front of people. She makes fun of me in front of her friends and invents or exaggerates stories around adults about how awful I am to her. At home, she hits, bites, yells, and refuses to listen to me. She rarely ever gets in trouble. She's 5 years younger than me, so I can't fight back without getting in trouble myself.
  • I have a long list of sounds that when I'm exposed to for a long time send me into a blind rage. I start screaming and crying and hitting and kicking and I actually scratch my face up and pull my hair out and hit my head until I have a headache. I can't control my reaction to these sounds. My family PURPOSELY MAKES THESE SOUNDS. After I'm triggered, I will usually yell "Stop," cover my ears, or leave the room. Any of these three things make my family extremely angry.
  • They constantly guilt trip me and tell me that I don't love them.
  • I actually have diary entries from when I was in elementary school that said I could die and nobody would care and I wished I would. I wanted to die when I was NINE YEARS OLD.
  • And lastly, they straight-up told me they ruined me. My mother told me I was ruined and my father and sister agreed with her.

I have nowhere to go and I don't want to tell my school because I'm afraid they're going to call my mom and she'll got mad at me or they'll contact authorities if it's actually bad enough and I giant mess will be made. I really just don't know what to do and I'm in desperate need of help because I want to kill myself all the time and I hate myself because I don't love them. I hate myself even more because they've never actually hit me or neglected me or controlled everything I was doing or anything abusive like that. But I wanted to die when I was in fourth grade, so I don't know, that kind of comes off as serious to me.

I know this is long and hopeless but please I really just have no clue what to do and I just want a friend
   
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Re: Afraid of my Family - April 22nd 2014, 01:16 AM

Wow, that sounds really tough. I think you should sit down and tell you mom, dad, and sister how you feel and how they make you feel. If one of them interrupts you just ignore them and keep going, don't let them divert you from your main goal. That should open up their eyes and make them realize what they are doing wrong. If they don't change or stop I would go to a school therapist or someone like that. At least try telling a therapist that you think you have Asperger's, if you feel comfortable with this therapist you can go on and tell them about your family. If a giant mess is made because of it you gotta remember that it isn't your fault. Your not choosing to have your family bother you. If none of those work try to find a really good friend, someone who understands you and is willing to help you through tough times.
Hope I helped you some.
~Josey
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Re: Afraid of my Family - April 22nd 2014, 01:38 AM

Thanks your response. I guess it's a bit hard because I'm really uncomfortable talking about how I feel and anytime I try to they get mad at me and if I dare interrupt them they get ever madder. However, when I finish telling them, they'll either tell me to get over it or start proclaiming that something's wrong with me and I have to be fixed ASAP. They don't really give me encouragement, I guess. I've never really felt loved.
   
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Josey Offline
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Re: Afraid of my Family - April 23rd 2014, 02:12 AM

What about finding a friend? It's really shocking how many people want friends and actually care about them. I'm sure you could find at least one or two that could help you, make you feel loved, and support you. I used to always be bullied, being an overweight child, until about 5th grade, and right now pretty much everyone is my friend. I used to always think that no one would accept me because I was heavier and more advanced than the rest, but it was all just in my mind. Find a few good friends may take a while, but it's possible and it really makes you feel accepted. Hope things will get better for you soon.
~Josey
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