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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Why I hate being male - May 11th 2014, 11:37 PM

This is something that bothers me internally almost every day. I never talk about it because I don't want to hurt my friends by suggesting that they are hurting me.

Basically, I know that no matter how close I feel I am with any of my female friends, we will never be as close as they are with their other friends of the same gender. I rarely get invited to things or included in things. Sometimes it becomes really apparent like at prom when there was a professional photographer who would take pictures of any group. A bunch of my friends went up to take a picture together, not part of any club or group, just as friends, and I followed them, but when I got there they actually told me I couldn't be in the picture because I'm a guy. I guess this wouldn't be as much of a problem if I had male friends who I'm close with, but I don't. I don't have many male friends at all and in general I don't feel like I have as meaningful conversations with the ones I do have. The obvious solution is to get more male friends, but friendship doesn't work like that. In every social situation with several people, I always end up talking more to the girls. It just happens because I relate to them more and I feel like I can talk about more things with them.

You know how a lot of girls say something along the lines of "I just like hanging out with guys more because there's less drama and more fun", well I feel the inverse of that which is "I just like hanging out with girls more because there's less rudeness and more sentimentality". The difference is that the former is pretty common and acceptable whereas the latter is overwhelmingly considered weird unless the guy is gay or dating one of the girls in the friend-group. I'm not gay, but I've seriously considered pretending I am just to be included more. I'm not actually going to do that because there would be serious long-term consequences and I don't want to live a lie, but that's really how desperate I am.

I don't know what to do. I try to mention how I don't have many male friends to my female friends as often as possible in order to make them stop assuming that while they're having their "girls nights" I'm having a "guys night" but it's not accomplishing much. The only other thing I'm doing is hoping that people will be more open to opposite-gender friendships in college but I feel it might be even worse.

Should I confront my friends more directly? I'm really scared to. Am I pathetic for even caring so much?
   
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Re: Why I hate being male - May 12th 2014, 01:03 AM

Hey there,

I totally get where you are coming from. I don't think it's fair, though, that those girls are saying that they prefer hanging out with guys but then they don't even include you!

I know that when my sister and even one of my friends says that they prefer being with guys, they truly meant it and truly included their guy friends as much as they do their female friends. What I don't understand especially from what you are saying, though, is why they wouldn't even let you take a picture with them. That doesn't seem right to me. It shouldn't matter. It was a picture of a group of FRIENDS and you're a FRIEND, why does it matter?

I really think that you need to talk to your friends about this, though. You don't have to yell at them or anything, but I do think you should bring up the fact that you don't feel as if you get included in things or invited to do things much. They may not even realize how they are affecting you, and you really SHOULD be included in more. There's nothing wrong with going out to a movie, the mall, or wherever with a guy. It doesn't automatically mean that you're "more than friends." Maybe once you say something, they'll realize and change, but you do have to be direct.

You're not pathetic for caring so much though. They're supposed to be your friends, and friends do things together.


   
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