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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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CrystalJade Offline
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Very angry with my brother. - September 10th 2014, 01:31 AM

My brother was born without an immune system and suffered from severe grand mal seizures. As a result he was always sick, had to get IV IG treatments, has had high fevers, and has had brain damage. He used to abuse me as a child (sexually for maybe a year or two with his friend at around 5-7 years old and he used to hit me and attack me up until I was about 17). I've moved past all but when he would attack me and my dad. My brother is also 8 years older than me.

My brother has an issue with going after girls around my age. Well, he recently got with a girl a few months younger than me and she claims he got her pregnant. The issue is... She slept with one of my friends the DAY before she got with my brother and my brother caught her in bed with her ex and another woman, that tells me she's been cheating on him. They got engaged less than a month after starting their relationship, and she got pregnant about a month after the start of their relationship.

My brother has been sleeping around for probably 15 years with MANY different women and NONE of them got pregnant. This leads me to believe that he is infertile because of his health problems, history, and possibly his previous drug use.

My mom offered to get the girl birth control, that's another thing that throws up a red flag for me.

Neither one of them has a job, they can't manage their income well enough to make it last (they went through over $1,000 in food stamps in about a month because of junk food and gas station food), my brother's life expectancy is just a few years because of his lifestyle, they can't even care for themselves. My brother functions at half his age and I fear that he will sign the birth certificate before a DNA test comes back after it's born.

This whole situation makes me angry because I don't like the girl and when I think about all of this stuff I know they can't possibly care for themselves, let alone a baby. They think it'll be all fun and rainbows, they don't realize how hard it'll be and both are ex drug addicts (she was a meth addict). I am fairly certain that this isn't my brother's child either. I refuse to get close to it or acknowledge it until it's proven to be his. I know it's an innocent baby but I just can't do it. I already have one niece and love her to death, I couldn't bear to be ripped from her life and will not chance it with this baby knowing what I know.

The girl is a lying, abusive, manipulator. She even threw a hammer at him when she lost her phone one time. That is NOT normal.

Suggestion? I know I can't really do anything, I just want something to keep my mind off the b.s.
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Celyn Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Very angry with my brother. - September 12th 2014, 05:44 PM

Hey there,

I canít imagine how difficult and frustrating that situation is.

Does your brother have any help? Like a social worker? They will be able to help him have access to services to if he needed them.

As you know, it will be impossible to prove who the father of the baby is, until a DNA test is done. You could suggest a pre-natal paternity test but there are risks to the baby. Could you perhaps talk to your mother and brother about getting a DNA test first before he signs the birth certificate?

If they end up not being able to care for the baby, it is possible that the baby may be taken away (if it was constant neglect or even abuse). But you could suggest them going to parenting classes, or getting help for themselves before the baby is born. If you ever suspect abuse, it is important to tell someone about your concerns.

Most importantly though, it is important you look after yourself. Since you were sexually abused, and now you are dealing with the stress of your brother, you may want to talk to someone about it. Counsellors are willing to listen to you and provide a way of exploring your feelings in a safe environment and help you to see your options. You may not be able to change your brotherís situation but you can help yourself, by looking after yourself and talking to others about how you feel.

Hope I helped a bit,

Take care
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angry, brother

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