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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My dad - September 20th 2014, 01:10 AM

Hiya,

So my parents split up 8 years ago, which I'm fine with, and after my dad went off with the 16 year old babysitter who was 1 year older than my sister and 8 years later they're still together.

She always wanted kids so 3 weeks ago they arranged to break up because he felt it was unfair on us. He then went to Thailand and decided that they were going to get back together and have kids. He insisted we will always come first but he's said that before.

I just don't know how to feel. He's 53 and she's 24 and it creeps me out when he touches my legs in a fatherly way because he got with her at my age, my sister who is 23 feels the same.

My mum is furious at me and my 13 year old brother, she's always hated my dad's girlfriend and says that me and my brother have let my dad get away with it, but when my dad is saying how he'd kill himself without her, what can I say?!

This is so confusing, any advice?



   
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Re: My dad - September 21st 2014, 11:30 AM

The most difficult thing to learn in these sorts of cases is that individual people have individual responsibility for individual decisions. Even in the closest families, the decision to continue with an action or omission which is going to have some strain on the relationship with families, it really boils down to the individual. What you certainly can do and what I encourage you to do is make your point clear and ensure your father knows how you and the rest of your family feel.

Sit him down and just talk to him so he knows exactly how it has been affecting you. Tell him about the interactions between yourself and your father, talk to him about exactly how it makes you feel. Just talk to him. He has been living with you for a long time, he is your father, and he helped raise you so I think if anything he is willing to sit down and hear what you have to say.

If he does understand exactly how you feel about the scenario, and he continues to engage into a relationship which is obviously being damaging to your relationship with him and the rest of the family, then that is something you have to be prepared for, and you may well have to take some steps to distance yourself from the scenario by distancing yourself from your father.

If these interactions have impacted on your current life and wellbeing then you need to get yourself out of that scene because he has his own life and he makes his decisions but ultimately, you have yours as well. If these interactions and this scenario have impacted on your current romantic relationships or how you view relationships then you might even consider it an option to take out councelling or mental health assistance. It is a matter of the seperation of self and personal welfare and the development of family relationships.

You come first.

But for now, all that about Councelling and future preperation for the result is for the future, what you need to do from here is if you haven't already, talk to him. Make sure that when he sits down to make that decision was to what to do from here with relation to the development of the relationship, he does so knowing everything. And one final thing, don't let the call of potential suicide in the wake of their seperation change what you do from here on in or how you feel about that scenario.

You can't carry that much, especially for a call that might not even be a proper reflection of what he is thinking.

I do wish you the best of luck and I hope this passes you some time soon. Whatever you do, just make sure you are Hamyet Nmra e Yag (priority number one) because at the end of the day you are the most important person in this scenario and only you can control your own welfare and happiness. You can talk to him and I encourage that and make your thoughts hurt but it boils down to the way it makes YOU feel. Remember you, I cannot make that clear enough .

H.

P.S. On behalf of TeenHelp, I want to apologise for the fact that we haven't gotten to a response since yesterday, I hoped I could help you out and I hope you do feel free to come back and write in to us whenever you need to .

P.P.S. You have no idea how long it took me to figure out how to say priority in Farsi and I speak fluent Persian at home LOL. Did some good digging there .


At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place,
But believe that there is much more good in it than bad.
All you have to do is look hard enough,
And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.

~My Childhood Friend.
   
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