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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Fake Friend - August 18th 2015, 05:11 AM

Hey guys,
So I've have and and am still going though some bad anxiety and depression stuff, and only my teacher and sorta my parents know about it. Anyways, my friend kinda worked outa me what had been going wrong and basically was pretending to help me. At first I thought it was great, finally an ear to listen to what I had been going though. However, I soon relized that she was just "helping" me because that's what she should do. She didn't really care about how i felt or care about what I was going though. She was just so fake and sugary. I mean i could go on and on. I'm pretty mad about it. Anyways that was awhile ago. But now whenever I see her she puts on this concered face and says, "so, how are you". It's SOOOOO patrinising. Anyways now i haven't seen her for awhile because of summer break, but im going back to school fairly soon and I've kinda always been a loner, and its an issue but i dont want to change that. But i just know that now that she knows what im dealing with shes treat me like a charity case and invite to hang out or try to talk to me when I want to be alone. I want to tell her that i dont need her help, but then she probobly wont want to ever hang out, but shes my only friend and i need her to stay stable. I just dont need her help emotionally.

Anyways, sorry about the rant. I just really needed to let it out. And sorry about the spelling. I struggle with dislexyia. I probobly even just spelled that wrong!

Thanks for listening

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Re: Fake Friend - August 18th 2015, 11:21 PM

Hey!

I'm sorry that you've been going through struggles with depression and anxiety. I'm glad your teacher and parents know a little bit of what you're going through. You're also very brave for telling your friend even though she was rather persistent in getting you to open up. Is it okay if I ask why you think she's being fake? Sometimes it can feel as a person doesn't care when it's actually negative thoughts/feelings of our own making us see things in that perspective. However, she is your friend and you know her. You knew her before she found out and if she's acting so differently now, then you know her best to know when she's faking concern and such.

Do you think it would be a good idea to explain this to her? You could mention that you really appreciate her offering emotional support, but that all you need is for her to be herself; your friend and that it feels like she's been treating you differently. That's a polite way of letting her know that she doesn't have to treat you differently showing extra concern to help you. Remind her that her simple and normal ways of friendship helps you.

When school starts back, could you make efforts to also make new friends by reaching out to people around your school, joining clubs and groups? I know you enjoy a friendship with this girl but if she fakes concern for you then it makes me wonder how loyal of a friend she is and how much support she would be if you ever were in need of true emotional support, you know? I just want to remind you that you deserve true friends that truly care for your well-being both emotionally and physically rather than having to force a caring response to you.

No worries about your spelling and for the rant! It's great to get things out. I'm sorry that you struggle with dyslexia, that must be hard for you. I wish you the best of luck with things. I hope this helps and that things go back to normal in your friendship and/or that you at least make lots of new, caring friends in your life. Take care.
   
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Re: Fake Friend - August 19th 2015, 01:11 AM

Hey!
Thanks for the advice, you suggested a great way to explain it to her.

On the frount of why I think that shes being fake. I think this because she likes to do good, and is always a person whos tries to do the right thing. Her fakeness isn't an act of disloyalty, but of not being genuine in her concern. Shes trying to do the right thing, and i appaud her for that. But she keeps saying stuff like I totally know what your going though, but she doesnt. She doesnt have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder that cause frequent panic attacks. I mean shes going though some tough stuff right now too, but she wouldnt tell me about it. Even after she pressured it out of me, and i asked her about it she just said "I have my outlets". And i felt slightly betrayed. I mean its fine if she doesnt feel comfortable talking to me about it, but then why should she be pressuring me to tell her?? That whole day just bugged me.

And on the question about being my only friend. Yeah, I probobly should try and branch out. But i cant join clubs for numorous reasons, the people in my grade drive me crazy, lots of people dont like me, and I have some serious issues including being basiclly a selective mute in school. Plus I have plenty of other friends, they just dont go to my school. But Im only going to be in this school for another year, so I think im just going to suck it up.


Thanks for the advice and support. It helped loads!!

Clover
   
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Re: Fake Friend - August 19th 2015, 04:01 PM

Have you considered talking to your friend and just letting her know how you feel kind of bad about the fact that she pressured you to tell her something super personal but then she won't even trust you enough to do the same (the sharing part, not the pressuring part)? It might help to let her know what you actually need as well (eg. "Now that you know, this is how I feel, and it's not really helping me. Since I know you care, I thought I would let you know that X, Y, and Z would be more helpful.")

If you have other friends (online or wherever) maybe you could focus your energy on investing in those relationships and that way you won't feel so alone. I totally understand why it might feel pointless to invest in relationships that you feel as though will have a short shelf life, so if you invest in your friendships from other places instead that might help with that particular scenario.




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
   
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Re: Fake Friend - August 20th 2015, 04:36 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I was curious to ask what it is about your friend's reactions to your problems that makes it come across as if she is being insincere. I can understand, of course, that her claims of knowing how you feel would be frustrating, but people sometimes tend to offer such generic reactions when they don't know how to respond to a certain situation. Rather than being fake, it could be that she is seeming this way due to lack of understanding of your struggles, but still wishing to try and help (as you stated she is the type of person who is always looking to do the right thing).

In any event, I wish you well and hope things improve on all fronts. Take care.
   
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