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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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BreathingIn Offline
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Mom has online relationship, mood changes - September 1st 2015, 02:10 AM

My parents are still married. But my mom is having an online relationship with a total stranger on Facebook. I know because I saw it. I wasn't snooping, but she was joking with me about this guy.

She's been on Facebook since this past year. They began talking a few months ago and just within this month things are getting heated. If I go near her laptop she will jump and scream at me to get away and that it's none of my business what she's doing. I have snooped a couple times and read things that no married woman should be talking about with another man.

This man says he's from Pakistan (We're in the US). He just works at an office or something, so he says. I don't trust this at all, and maybe I sound racist, but how do I know this isn't some ISIS recruiter? She would never do something like that, I feel this person isn't to be trusted.

They talk about him getting a visa and coming to the US to live with my mom. My mom talks about leaving my dad and I to live with this man. They also talk about my mom going to Pakistan to live with him. They talk about marriage and much more.

I tried talking to her about it, that I feel it's not right she does this. She screams at me and tells me to leave her alone. Her moods have changed. She refuses to do anything for the household anymore. She won't let me drive her car, not that she ever did before, but she gets more angry about it now. She gets very angry with my dad and I about everything. She has talked to this Pakistani man about how she doesn't want to do anything for us anymore.

This is all a totally shock and it pisses me off to the max. My father and I have done NOTHING to her to make her like this. We don't have a lot of money, so maybe that's why. But she's the one who spends my dad's paycheck in one day.

I think she has mental issues and I think we should go to a family therapist. But I know that if I brought it up to her, she wouldn't go. She would insist nothing is wrong with her.

I have no money to get my own car or to move out. I work 2 part time jobs and it's still not enough for a car payment each month. There's no way I can just ditch my f'd up family.

What should I do? I don't want her talking to a foreign man online because it's extremely dangerous. She is severely naive. This man could steal her identity or ruin her laptop with a virus. Or at worst, he could be a terrorist.

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Re: Mom has online relationship, mood changes - September 2nd 2015, 08:33 PM

Even though you didn't get a good reaction, I'm glad you tried to confront your mom about this. I do think family therapy is a great idea, but unfortunately, it doesn't seem like your mom is ready or willing to help herself or your family and you won't make much progress if she isn't willing to participate. I think you should talk to your dad about the things you know. He deserves to know about the things your mom is doing and it might justify some things for your dad.


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Re: Mom has online relationship, mood changes - September 2nd 2015, 09:53 PM

Hey there,

It is good that you tried to talk to your mom about this. I know you didn't get the best reaction but at least you tried.

I think it is important to remember that you cannot control how your mom chooses to live her life. I know her behavior is having an impact on you but until she chooses to see it that way there isn't much you can do to change her behavior. Sometimes you just have to let people do what they want with their lives and hope for the best. It can be difficult to do but in the end it can be better for your own mental health.

Do you think you could talk to your dad about what is going on? He might be able to offer you support that you are unable to get from your mom. He also might have some insight into the situation that you don't have at this point in time.


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Re: Mom has online relationship, mood changes - September 3rd 2015, 08:22 PM

Thanks for your replies. My dad knows all about this. My mom talks about this Pakistani man quite often and says how she loves him, how he is coming here to the US to be with her, and that they are getting married. But my dad rolls his eyes and laughs and doesn't take her seriously. He says she has obsessions with different things all the time and that it passes.

This just seems way too involved to be something that will pass. We both are getting a little concerned and want her to stop
   
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