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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Mrs.Butterfly Offline
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My birth mother.... (Post adoption help) - September 23rd 2015, 06:04 AM

So, not really sure where to put this thread; but here goes.

I was adopted the day after I was born, and I've never seen a picture of my birth mother, or heard her voice. I don't know if she's still alive even.

Recently, it's been harder and harder, not to think about her. I've been having so many strong dreams about her, that I wake up in a cold sweat. Or like tonight, can't sleep because my mind is just thinking about her. I have some written down information about her, but it's barely anything. I have so many questions, and thoughts left unanswered. I can't explain it, but it's hard to deal with right now.

I wrote a letter to her and sent it to the adoption agency, so they could forward it to her. But they sent me an email back that stated she, at the time of the adoption, wanted no contact. Well, what about now? !?!

I just want to know more about my own history. To know more of my siblings listed in the paperwork. What is she like? What did my baby sibling look like before they passed away? Does my birth mother even remember me? Do I cross her mind at all? Would she want to know me now? Just to have an update about her and one picture. Just one. I'm old enough to have legal consent to get the information. It's my right. My adoption. I just want to know.

I don't know what to do. Why is all this hitting me so hard right now? Sitting in tears while I write this.
   
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Re: My birth mother.... (Post adoption help) - September 23rd 2015, 06:11 AM

Hey Sarah

I don't know that there's necessarily any reason for you to be thinking about this now. Sounds like something that has probably been with you for a long time and is beginning to surface now, for whatever reason.

I wish I knew more about how I could advise you and help you with this. Maybe you could talk to someone at the adoption agency and see if there's a way for them to ask her if she would like to talk with you now? I'm sure there are also ways to go about finding her on your own if you need/want to.

Take good care of yourself, and I hope you feel better


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Re: My birth mother.... (Post adoption help) - September 24th 2015, 05:31 AM

Hey, Sarah.

Sounds like this is really hard for you and it's understandable you'd be feeling this way because it's about your mother. Whether she is there or not, she'll obviously have a big impact on you. You have a right to know who she was and to be able to ask her the questions you have.

Is it possible that your wedding brought these feelings to the surface? That's a time when people want their parents around for support and just to have them there. Maybe that's why you began thinking of your mom so much. Speaking of, I'm really sorry that you've never met nor heard from your mother. That must be so hard for you, Sarah.

As Chris said, I'm sure there are ways to go about finding her. Do you know her name to find her in a phone book or online? I'm sorry I can't be of more help but I do want to say that I really do hope you find your mom and are able to know her. I imagine she'd be really proud of you.

Let me know how things go and of course, you're welcome to message me if you need someone to talk to.
   
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Re: My birth mother.... (Post adoption help) - September 24th 2015, 10:21 AM

Hey Sarah,

I moved your thread to friends and family, in the hope that you'll get better responses there. However, I can see how this situation has affected you emotionally.

I do agree with Ellie- has anything triggered you recently? Sometimes events in our lives can make us think about the people who aren't with us (for whatever reason) and it can be hard to deal with. More so now that you are growing up and wanting to find out more about your background.


Wish I could be of more help


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Re: My birth mother.... (Post adoption help) - September 24th 2015, 09:27 PM

Hey, Sarah

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time in regards to your mum right now. I agree with Ellie, your impending wedding could have triggered these thoughts and emotions. I remember you talking to me about it months ago, back in the winter. You'd just gotten engaged then. Before that, you never mentioned your mum or that you were even adopted.

I'm not with Ellie and Chris on the phone book thing. Even though she is your blood relative and you have the right to know her whereabouts, that is still considered unethical. You did the right thing going to the adoption agency. Could you try contacting them again and have them send her a note? It has been what? 23 years since she gave you up for adoption. Two decades is a pretty damn long time, and there's stories out there of parents reunited with the child they gave up after decades. It's not like they were forced to give the child up for adoption, just like your mum wasn't forced to give you up for adoption.

I'm here if you ever want a chat. You have me on Facebook. <3
   
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Re: My birth mother.... (Post adoption help) - September 26th 2015, 04:41 AM

Penguin - It has been on my mind but it's greatly increasing lately. I was reading the paperwork about my mom. Her birthday was actually a few days ago. Could this be why? Or because I got married recently and want to know more of my past?

Napa - I'd love to know more about her. More than most things. That may have brought it up, I don't know. I mean I'm so grateful that I was adopted but it's like an empty part of my life that I really want filled.

DutchWelshWolf - Thank you for moving this to the area. I appreciate it. Yes, so do I.

Rem - Thank you, hun. I just don't like how this is making me feel, at all. I've tried contacting the agency, tried having them send a letter to my birth mom. But they said that she wanted no contact at the beginning. That was back in 1991 though. I should have legal right to more now. She probably has changed her mind.


Could I get legal help for this?
   
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