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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Kelatra Offline
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Name: Angie
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Join Date: September 23rd 2015

Unhappy Don't quite understand. - September 23rd 2015, 10:06 AM

So. I'm 22 and while I understand that yes spending time with parents is important I realize now that also my time and things that I want to do are important as well. Especially when it means spending time with my boyfriend and my mom comes in unannounced and say we're going to do x, y and z. And then she deliberately follows up with Well you don't have anything better to do. Mind you my boyfriend is in the UK so its a bit of work to keep up with time differences. But she gets upset if I drop things on her at the last minute or I don't set exact dates, so why is it wrong and i'm made to feel like a terrible person when I'm at the point where I feel I deserve the same? I love my mom and I know she doesn't quite agree with my relationship but there should be at least some type of respect there...right?
   
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Re: Don't quite understand. - September 24th 2015, 05:11 AM

Hey, Angie.

This sounds like a frustrating situation and I do agree that you should get respect because you're in a relationship and of course you're going to want to spend time with your boyfriend as well. It's not like you're cutting your mom out of your life but in someways, it may feel like that to her which is why she gets so upset sometimes even though that's not the case. Your mom must love you a lot so of course, she wants to spend her time with you but maybe she doesn't know exactly how to do that without interfering with your personal plans. That's why I think sitting down with her to have a talk about this would be beneficial to clear up any thoughts/frustrations on both sides.

Let her know you love her and enjoy spending time with her but also explain the situation between you and your boyfriend. I'm sure she already knows about the time differences, but maybe it'd help her understand and be more considerate if you explained in detail what pressure you're put under as you want to spend time with both her and your boyfriend. But it's difficult when she makes plans to do something with you without checking first. It might also be a good idea to discuss your relationship between you and your boyfriend with her. Ask her about her feelings on that and explain how it'd mean the world to you if you had her support.

Talking to her about this and allowing her to share her feelings as well could be a much needed talk. Then maybe you could see about compromising with her about ways you two could spend time together. Just remember to try and get your points across to her respectfully and kindly as that adds potential of a more positive outcome from talking to her about this. Do your best to let her know you enjoy spending time with her but also explain how things feel in your point of view.

Hope this made some sense and helped a little. Good luck with this situation!
   
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