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The Doctors Wolf
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Unhappy selfish? - September 27th 2015, 11:28 PM

So my brother has type 1 diabetes for those who don't know what that is that's when your pancreas stops making insulin which helps turn sugar into energy for the body. So he has to take insulin through shots or his pump and if he gets too high or low he could die. My parents are always taking care of him and me being the oldest I feel like I don't get any attention. He's had this for 7 years so he can take better care of himself but my parents are still like it's all about him. I feel neglected and like they don't really care about me. I don't click with either of my parents. My youngest brother is with my mom and the one who had diabetes with my dad. I always feel alone and as I'm going through depression it feels like no one cares. Is it selfish of m to want to get diabetes or them stop focusing on him for once so they will see me? My mom says it is. I just want to be noticed cared for and loved. That's all I want. I understand my brother will always get more attention than me but my parents spend zero time with me at all and if they do its because I'm getting punished and lectured.

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Re: selfish? - September 27th 2015, 11:40 PM

Hi there.

First off, I'm really sorry you feel this way and also that you've already expressed these feelings to your mom and she said you were being selfish. Everyone wants to feel like their feelings and presence is acknowledged along with feeling as they are loved, especially around your parents. So honestly, I don't see this as selfish.

Your parents understandably worry for your brother often since he has diabetes and like a lot of parents who have a child with some sort of condition/disability, it can be easy for them to take their attention off the other child without even realizing. It doesn't mean they do not love you though. I was wondering if you have spoken to your dad about how you've been feeling? I suggest respectfully explaining your feelings from your point of view in a polite way that also acknowledges his stress with your brother, but gets the point across that you feel unnoticed through all of this.

As for your brother, I'm sorry he has to deal with diabetes. That must be hard for him, your parents and you in a lot of ways. However, just because your brother is dealing with diabetes, it doesn't mean your feelings don't matter or that you don't matter. It might be hard for your parents to show it when they're stressed or worrying, but I'm certainly willing to bet they care and love you just as much as they do your brother.

Not sure if this helped any but I hope it did. You're welcome to message me anytime. Take care!
   
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Re: selfish? - September 28th 2015, 12:01 AM

Hey Moon,

I think it's understandable that you are hurt by not getting as much attention from your parents as you would like, and I do not think you are selfish for wanting this. You deserve to feel that you are cared for and that your parents want to spend time with you as well.

But I think you also must realize that you probably aren't ever going to get as much attention from your parents as your brother does. He has an illness that probably causes him to need help from your parents with a lot of things that they do not need to help you with. It's a hard fact to accept, but I think it's simply unavoidable that often times your brother is going to get more attention than you do. Because he has this illness he needs to be closely looked after and obviously your parents aren't going to watch after you as closely in these ways because you are healthy. But this doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to spend quality time with your parents or feel that you are close with them too.

Maybe you could schedule some one on one time with your parents; go out to dinner with your mom while your dad looks after your brother, or vice versa. Spend some time with them where you get to be with just them, and you are their top priority for a little while. Maybe you could set aside a certain time every week to do this, and maybe it will help to reassure you that even if you don't always get as much attention as your brother, you are still just as important to your parents as he is.

Don't focus so much on the quantity of the time you spend with your parents, but rather the quality. They might not be able to be around as much as you would like, and instead of worrying about having them around whenever you want them to be, focus on making the time you do have with them count. Try to do some fun things together and work on becoming a little bit closer with them. Just because they can't always give you as much attention as you'd like doesn't mean you can't still be close and enjoy your time together. If you are always comparing the amount of time your brother gets to the time you get, you'll never be content with the moments that you do spend together.

You really shouldn't wish to be sick like your brother. I guarantee that your brother does not enjoy always being worried about or having to be taken care of. There are many different kinds of attention, and I don't think that's the kind of attention anyone would choose to get. You need to find ways to get attention from your parents in positive ways, not negative ones. You are lucky to be healthy and to be able to take care of yourself, and you should have sympathy that your brother cannot do this rather than wishing you were in his shoes. I think it's a bit disrespectful to what your brother is going through to wish this. Getting attention from your parents in a more positive and healthy way will feel far more rewarding.

I hope this helps a little and I wish you the best of luck! Feel free to message me if you need to talk things through. Take care.


   
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