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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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What is her problem? - October 10th 2015, 02:55 PM

My mother gets on about my weight all the time, but when I do put myself on a diet she goes mad with me. There is just no need for any of this. I just want to lose a bit of weight and not because she mentioned it, because I actually want to But every time I have gone on a diet she has forced me to come off it. I want to be as skinny as I used to be, not too skinny of course But she went mad all because I bought lemons to make warm lemon water for on a morning as apparently its a great factor of losing weight, among exercise and eating the right foods. I am on salads at the moment, but tomorrow I will be having a normal Sunday's dinner meal with my family. I don't like doing it but its tradition in our family. Just wish she would stop going on about my weight and then going mad when I put myself on a diet. I just need to try and get off the energy drinks (harder than it seems) as I have a bad addiction to them at the moment. But I am going to try and make these 2 cans of Monster my last 2 energy drinks for good

She is never happy with anything I do. I just want to be a decent weight instead of overweight, and there is no need to be nasty if she is insecure about hers. Only thing is, she doesn't have the will power or make the effort to lose weight, and I think she might be jealous that I am trying to make an effort. I will prove to her I can do this for myself and not for her. I will prove that I can lose weight and maintain it.

I just don't see why she has to be like this. I love her to bits, but I am slowly starting to despise her, its like I can't do anything right in her eyes. She says I'm doing my diet wrong, she wouldn't even know as she has never been on one. She used to be skinny once, thought she would have at least understood but I was wrong. She doesn't understand anything and she doesn't take any interest in anything me, my brother or my dad do

She has no respect for any of us, causes arguments over the smallest of things and then blames us for it. Not sure how much longer I can cope with it. I try to talk to her normally and sort things out but she turns it into an argument. I just wish she would meet me halfway and sort things out between us instead of making things worse. All I've wanted is my old mother back who actually gave a crap about us but that's never going to happen. I always used to blame myself for her changing but now I realise, it was never my fault and now that I am grown up I see how cruel she actually is towards people (seen it with my own two eyes) My brother is only 14 and has to put up with the same crap that I did back then. It caused me to do a lot of things I regretted, and its all going back the same.

My dad can see how much it affects me but he doesn't talk to her about it because it causes an argument between them which then affects me. He is protective of me and won't stand up for himself because he knows my mum will take it out on me. Like she used to when I was a teenager. I just want my old mum back....it really is heartbreaking...
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Re: What is her problem? - October 11th 2015, 05:13 AM

Hey,

It seems like you're in a tough situation with your mom right now. I'm glad you're able to realize that your mom's changing isn't your fault. You can't control your mom, you can only control yourself and she can only control herself. She has to want to change for herself and she won't be able to change until she realizes that. I know you want your old mom back, and that's understandable, but try to remember the good memories you have with her. Those won't ever leave you.

I don't think you should have to prove anything to your mom, so don't feel obligated to. But, if you want to, I think you've already proved yourself by making a healthy lifestyle change. Your mom seems condescending and based on what you've said I don't think she'll ever be happy with anything you do. I think it would help if you try to slowly accept that, and then just focus on doing things for yourself and not for your mom.


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Re: What is her problem? - October 11th 2015, 06:28 AM

Hi, Michaela.

I'm sorry things aren't so good with you and your mom anymore. It sounds like a really upsetting situation to be in. Although, I'm glad that you realize that your mom's current ways is not your fault.

The key to making any sort of relationship work is communication, kindness, respect and both parties being willing to work at repairing problems. You seem to be doing all you can by talking to her normally attempting to sort things out and if I remember right, you have spoken to her about how her words make you feel. At this point, she has to be willing to fully comprehend how she is affecting you and be willing to make changes in the way she treats those around her which includes you. She needs to be reminded that it's not okay to treat people with such rudeness but ultimately, she has to be the one to take action and make positive changes. No one else can do that for her.

For now, as hard as it must be, it might be best to practice what Calico. suggested on slowly accepting her and coming to terms with this. You've already started making healthier life choices in terms of a healthy diet so keep that up. Focus on who you want to be rather than focusing on rude comments. As you said, her comments are most likely due to her own insecurities rather than personally aimed at you and your family (although, that doesn't make it okay.) So the best thing to do would be not to fire back if you've already had calm discussions about this and your attempts have not had an effective outcome. Just focus on taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally.

Remember that your worth isn't defined by how you are treated. You create who you are and you can take your mom's negative behavior and turn it into something positive. Be a kind person and treat others oppositely from how you've been treated. Causing smiles and positivity to others, even strangers in the smallest ways can not only impact them - but you too.

Hoping that at some point your mom realizes her current ways aren't getting her anywhere. I hope she starts treating you and your family a lot kinder. Hold on and stay strong. You can get through this.
   
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Re: What is her problem? - October 11th 2015, 08:05 AM

Tried talking to her again yesterday and she caused another argument, so now I really do give up. Now she is trying to stop me from dieting and doing the 10 minutes exercise on the stepper. This is exactly the reason why I came off my last diet but not going to allow that to happen this time. I am slightly overweight and I really want to lose it and become as skinny as I used to be
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