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Unhappy My mom yells at me randomly for no reason. - April 30th 2016, 05:01 AM

Hi! Okay, before I start with my problem, I just want to say that if I say anything that offends anyone, I'm sorry. I honestly don't know if I put a trigger on this or not.
okay now that that's out of the way.
My mom always yells at me for absolutely no reason what-so-ever. I should mention that I'm 11 and homeschooled. If I'm just doing my arithmetic in my room, she'll call for me and I'll come out and ask what she needs, and she'll just start screeching about everything that I did wrong like three years ago. Sometimes she'll scream at me for eating even, but it never gets violent. She goes by an old rule in the Bible, "Feed the children first." even if she starts practically starving, but whenever I go to eat something for her sake so she'll eat, she'll just go off again about how I never do my homework even though that's what I do for most of the day. I understand that she is under a lot of pressure because my dad decided to just up and start drinking. I tried to talk to her about it but she won't listen, this has been going on for two years now, and most people that deal with stuff like this are usually like 16 or 17 and really close to moving out soon, but, like I said, I'm not. I've looked everywhere and found nothing relating to what I'm dealing with. I don't know what to do or who to go to, since I can't go anywhere without my mom's supervision. And because this has been going on for two years, I've stopped eating quite as much, but I still eat. And I find myself being overly sad or angry when I'm around my mother. So.. What can I do?
   
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Re: My mom yells at me randomly for no reason. - April 30th 2016, 05:26 PM

Welcome to the site.

I think you should sit down and talk to your mother. She's dealing with a lot, and I think she might be taking some anger out on you when it's really meant for your father. I think you should politely tell her how you feel by using "I statements." They go like, "I feel [blank] when you [blank]." Using those statements makes things seem a little less accusatory. When you talk to her, maybe you can tell her what she can do to make you more comfortable so she gets an idea of things. Many parents don't know what to do and that tends to make them feel worse. You might be able to help her look into resources about dealing with someone struggling with drinking or getting someone help.

I suggest maybe writing some bullet points so you know what to talk about. If you don't want to talk to your mom, you could always write a note and leave it somewhere for her. This will give you the opportunity to get things out and it will leave her to bring up the conversation for you.

You're dealing with a lot for someone your age and I think you can benefit from looking into counseling if that is an option for you. Counseling can be scary, but it could give you someone supportive and that could help. If you can't go to counseling, there's plenty of self-help stuff to try.

In the meantime, when your mom does yell, maybe you can kind of help her to acknowledge what she's doing. If she starts yelling at you, you can say something like, "Mom, I can tell you're upset right now by the tone of your voice and I do not want to argue. Let's continue this conversation after things have cooled down." Then you can excuse yourself.

Feel free to send me a message if you'd like to talk.


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