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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Beautiful older sister - May 2nd 2016, 07:56 AM

My sister and I are really close and get on really well. She's almost two years older than me but she's in the year above me at school because of I was born in August and she was born in October.

I love her so much but yesterday a boy in my class saw her for the first time and told me "oh your sister's very attractive". I'm used to that kind of comment because really she is, and she's always had attention from it at school. But then he saw I was kinda annoyed was like "oh you're pretty too" He's never said that to me before and it just makes me feel like I am always second best - I'm like the back up option and I'm only pretty by default now he's seen my sister is. This has happened before as well, a couple of years ago a guy liked my sister and was always asking me stuff about her but I liked him and it was really awkward. It just feels like people always prefer my sister over me.

I'm not annoyed at all at my sister at all - it's not her fault, she didn't ask for any of this. It just makes me feel so second best and unwanted, I thought in coming to a new school by myself I would be 'Eve' and not 'Kate's sister' but now it feels like even that is starting again and I will always be 'the other one', the less attractive one who we can use to get to the hot one who everyone wants to be friends with.

I dunno, i just felt like I had to get that out somewhere. There's no point talking to my sister because it's not her fault and she can't do anything about it. I just feel a bit rubbish at the moment.

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Re: Beautiful older sister - May 3rd 2016, 07:58 PM

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. It must be tough to always feel like you're the last choice. But I'm also glad to hear that you don't resent your sister for this.

I think you'd benefit from doing some things to help boost your self-esteem. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to compare yourself to other people (your sister included). No one can be compared to anyone else because everyone and their life experiences are personal and entirely unique to them. You are you, your sister is your sister, and your friends are your friends. We are the way we are. If you catch yourself comparing yourself to other people, maybe you can think of an affirmation to replace it with. You might say something like, "I won't compare myself to others because we're too unique for a fair comparison."

You could also do things that make you feel good about yourself. For instance, you could print out some affirmations or positive quotes and put them around your room, like on your mirror or by your closet so you see positive reminders when you're getting ready. You could work on thought framing using the example I mentioned above as well. I know these things seem little but I think they'll make a big difference.

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Re: Beautiful older sister - May 4th 2016, 06:36 PM

I'm the oldest sister and I fell like my youngest sister is the beautiful one. Everytime I go somewhere with my guy friends all of them check her out. I understand where you are coming from.
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Re: Beautiful older sister - May 5th 2016, 12:36 AM

I don't think there would be anything wrong with telling your sister. If the two of you are close it might help to get some support from her. She might be able to offer some suggestions on how to deal with it.

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