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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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This is beyond frustrating! - May 10th 2016, 06:43 PM

For nearly two years a family member has been living with us. He has caused so many issues. But one of the things that agitate me the most is that he is so careless. He leaves windows wide open, doors, you name it and he leaves it open. I have never been afraid of someone breaking into my home or coming home and things are ransacked, but it has become an issue and it causes me a lot of anxiety. It is getting to the point that I have got so bad than unless I wait till he's gone up to bed and checked the doors and windows then I can't sleep or I sleep badly until I have checked them. The problem is that he works part-time so quite often he will go to work and be home before me or anyone else. There are occasions where I will beat him home and come home to find the back door left wide open or the porch door completely unlocked and the front door isn't double locked. I just feel so frightened and I realise it is now becoming a bit of a problem because I'm losing sleep, I'm making mistakes at work, I'm beyond stressed. I have expressed to my mum and she has told him about it but he doesn't seem to take it seriously because before he lived with us he would often leave the back door open so if he forgot his keys he could get back in, but we have never lived like this before. We have always made sure the doors are locked. I talk to my sister about it sometimes and she agrees but I don't think she feels quite as strongly as I do and I think she is a little tired with talking about the problems he creates. I never let on to my dad because he is wound up about so many incidents and issues, so if I tell him I know he will turn him out on the street and no matter what he is family and I couldn't see something like that happen but at the same time something needs to change.

I just don't know what to do anymore.


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Re: This is beyond frustrating! - May 10th 2016, 10:44 PM

Why not try to talk to the family member about it directly? If you speak to them about your worry, maybe they will start making an effort to keep things closed. If not, or if you speak to the family member about it, and they don't change, I'd consider speaking to your father about it. Just let him know that you don't mean any harm by bring it up to him, and that you don't want the family member kicked out on the street, but that the situation of said family member leaving things unlocked/opened is starting to worry you.

I'm sorry that this is giving you so much anxiety, and I hope the problem is taken care of and addressed soon. Best wishes.


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Re: This is beyond frustrating! - May 11th 2016, 09:10 PM

I'm sorry this is causing you anxiety, it can't be very easy.
As said, you could try talking to your family member directly, I'm sure they would understand. If they keep forgetting, what about little post it reminders or something just so they remember to lock the doors? Eventually it will become habit and you won't have to keep them up all the time


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Re: This is beyond frustrating! - May 11th 2016, 11:00 PM

I like the idea of speaking to this family member directly if you feel comfortable with that. If not, maybe you, your mom, and your sister can speak to him together so you have their support. It might help you feel less alone. I like the idea of post-it notes as well. You can put them on the refrigerator, or by the coffee maker, or any place where you know he'll definitely see them.

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Re: This is beyond frustrating! - May 12th 2016, 02:45 AM

I think the first thing you should do is talk to the family member about it directly. If he has done this when he was on his own it might just be a habit he is in. If he realized how concerned you are about this he might make more of an effort to try and stop the behavior.

If it doesn't stop I agree that you should talk to your dad. Make sure to let him know that you don't want this person on the street but you are concerned about this happening. Maybe there is something that can be done to help get this person to stop doing this.


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