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Question Pretending to be someone I'm not - May 15th 2016, 01:41 PM

My mom taught me to have good manners. Be nice and not to say something that hurts others. Try to be friends with everyone. In order to be nice and not to hurt anyone. I think A LOT. I don't express myself. I don't fight back when I feel uncomfortable. I act like I don't care when people make mean jokes on me. I always laugh and pretend that I don't mind at all. In order to be friends with everyone, I don't pick side. How do I do that? Well, I act like a fool. I act like I don't I understand what's going on. People think I'm friendly but they also think I'm stupid. They welcome me because they think I'm harmless, which is true. But they also don't treat you as a true friend.
I feel like I'm acting all the time. Pretending to be someone I'm not. I have feelings too. And the worst part is people take it for granted. I don't blame them because I'm the one that have been lying to them. And if I stop now, they will think I'm a liar. Is there a way that I can fix this?
   
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Re: Pretending to be someone I'm not - May 15th 2016, 02:26 PM

Reading this struck a chord within me, as i can relate an enormous amount to you. I never let on my true feelings or opinions, because I'm so scared of hurting people's feelings. I totally understand where you're coming from.

This year though, something changed and I began to express myself more, and I found that it was actually a really good thing. When it comes to picking sides, I tend to cautiously state my opinion but generally say i just want to keep out of it and both sides are always really supportive and appreciate the support but also my determination to stay impartial. I've also started saying what I think more, and not doing stuff just to please other people, and found that my friends have a lot more respect for me because of it.

Up my advice would be, start slowly, start expressing yourself a little more to your closest friends and I am certain they will support that. People will appreciate being able to see the more real side of you, and I think you'll find your friendships will get stronger. Instead of accepting everything, make it clear when you aren't happy with something someone has said or asked you to do - I think they will appreciate it more if you are honest and will realise they need to treat you with more respect. I honestly think when people start seeing the truer side of you they will want to get to know you more, and you will forge stronger friendships.

For me, I have felt so much happier this year, and so much more comfortable with myself, so I would definitely recommend you start being yourself more, and I promise people will like you and appreciate you when you do.

Best of luck, and feel free to VM/PM me if you need any more help!


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Re: Pretending to be someone I'm not - May 15th 2016, 06:21 PM

I can relate to you. I've taken a lot from people because I'm almost too considerate of others and people have started to take advantage of me for that over the years. People deserve respect but respect isn't a right. In my opinion, respect is something that is earned.

I like the idea of slowly starting to speak up. Maybe you can start in an area that feels most comfortable for you, whether that's standing up for yourself or taking a neutral stance with people so you don't have to choose sides. After a while, I think expressing yourself will become a little more natural and it'll get easier for you.


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Re: Pretending to be someone I'm not - May 16th 2016, 06:38 PM

Hey there,

It gets tiring pretending to be someone you're not. I'm sure your friends would love you for who you are if you allowed them the chance to get to know you. If people think that things don't upset you then they will just do those things even more. How about from tomorrow you try to relax and be yourself more around other people. If something bothers you be upfront and honest with them, let them know you're hurt or upset. Don't try to be the person you think everyone else wants you to be. You're not being true to yourself and you're obviously not happy pretending.

YOU are an amazing person as you are! Give people the chance to get to know that person rather than burying her away. Let the world see you as you are!

Best of luck and I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.
Paige.


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