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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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What's happening now? - May 17th 2016, 12:27 PM

I just don't know where this will go, and I need to get this out and just say something because it's driving me crazy.

My mom was in a car accident a few days ago, he will be ok, there are no worries there. But she was arrested, and is being held with out bail for DWI. This is her 4th offense, and is a mandatory 1-5 years in jail.

Me and my brother are staying at a friends house right now, but we both know this is only temporary until someone can figure something out for where were going to live.

This is really scary for us, we don't have any other family, and just don't know how this is going to work out for us

I'm worried for mom, cause I know she need help, and I know it'll be a long time till we can be with her again.

I just don't know what to do or what's going to happen.
Does anyone know how this stuff works?
   
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Re: What's happening now? - May 18th 2016, 05:31 AM

I'm glad you posted this. I hope writing it out helped you a little bit.

I am sorry to hear about your mom's car accident but it's good that she'll be okay. Usually, extended family, like your grandparents, or aunts and uncles, would probably be given custody of you. Since you don't have family, though, I'm not sure what will happen. I don't think you'll be able to stay at a friend's house for too long and going into the foster care system sounds like a possibility if no one can find any family members for you to stay with.

I am keeping you and your brother in my thoughts.


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Re: What's happening now? - May 18th 2016, 09:12 AM

Thanks, it did help to write about it. I guess I kinda knew that. And that's what I'm really afraid of. I hear some really bad things about some foster homes and group homes. And I don't know if me and my brother will be able to stay together either.

We are meeting with a case worker tomorrow, not something we're looking forward to. I wish we could stay where we are, they are a nice family. We're really worried for mom, like how she'll do and getting the help she needs, and being a family again. But we also worried about not knowing. Like where are we going to live, do we have to change schools, may not see our friends we have, staying together. Just everything I guess.

Thank you for your thoughts, im just venting I guess
   
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Re: What's happening now? - May 18th 2016, 08:18 PM

I don't know much about foster homes and group homes. But, even though there are some bad ones, there are probably some good ones, too, and there are probably some good foster parents out there. I'm sure there are some foster parents who genuinely want to help people out. Think of it this way: there are bad things wherever you go. For instance, at school, there's always going to be someone you won't like. In movies, there's usually an antagonist. There's some good mixed in the bad, though, and whatever happens, I hope you're able to find some of it.

Meeting with a case worker seems really scary. Try to remember that you have your brother and you're going through this together. Even if you get separated, you're going through it together. You're not alone. Lean on him for support for as long as you can.

I am someone who likes things all planned out so I can understand feeling anxious about the upcoming uncertainties. I know it's hard but the best thing to do is keep yourself busy because these things are things you don't have control of.

In regard to your mother, try to remember that she is being watched over in prison and hopefully she is getting the help she needs in there. She's not alone there and I'm sure she's thinking of you.

Keep venting here for as long as you need. Feel free to let me know how the meeting with the case worker goes.


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Re: What's happening now? - May 19th 2016, 07:15 AM

Hey I'm so sorry to hear about this. Just stay positive. All will go right. Stay strong.
   
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Re: What's happening now? - May 19th 2016, 09:17 AM

Thanks, I'll try. It isn't easy.
Your right, there's nothing I can do about this
I just need to keep my mind off this and be there for my brother like he is for me
And tryntomstay positive for today's meeting

Ok, thank you
   
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Re: What's happening now? - May 20th 2016, 03:58 PM

We were told they will try to keep us together. They are looking for a placement that can accomidate us being together. But if they can't find anyplace that will take both of us we might need to be separated.

But we are able to stay where we are till they find a place for us, either together or seperate. We did t like hearing that at all.

We're going to see mom tomorrow, first time sinse her accident.
Not sure how to feel about all this.
   
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Re: What's happening now? - May 20th 2016, 04:30 PM

I'm glad they're trying to keep you together. I really hope they find a place that can accommodate both of you. It might help for you to try to make the most of the time you have left with your brother in the event that they find separate placements.

Maybe you can plan what you want to say to her? You can write her a letter, or write things down so you have something to go off of. I think it might help to focus on a lot of self-care before and after the visit so you're taken care of because the visit might be hard.


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Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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Re: What's happening now? - May 21st 2016, 02:00 AM

Hi there,
Foster care can be frightening for any child and I'm sorry that's what it's come down to. I've had experience when I was younger, I wont go too much into detail because it's different for different people. It is true that mental health experts have a lot to criticize about foster care and the way it's run.

That said, since you have a case opened on file now, I think there's going to be efforts for reunification. In other words, foster care will (hopefully) be temporary and your mother can regain custody, if she completes what she is asked to do. She might be asked to get herself into treatment so she learns healthier coping mechanisms. While she is in jail for one year, she is still allowed to see you and your brother. Don't be afraid to visit her or contact her if you feel to, it's your right and it's your mother.

I can't say it won't be hard, but you're strong and you're going to get through this. You've got TH to reach out to, okay? take good care of yourself
   
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Re: What's happening now? - May 21st 2016, 11:06 PM

Thank you for the advise and support. I appreciate it.
   
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