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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Can you hear the silence?
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Toxic relationships - May 29th 2017, 10:09 PM

How should I deal with friends who don't care about me and rarely respond to my messages or see me in real life anymore. Should I just wash my hands with them? I dont really see why I should try anymore...
   
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Re: Toxic relationships - May 30th 2017, 03:19 AM

Hey Justin,

Friendships are a two-way street. That means both people should be making an equal effort to maintain the relationship a majority of the time. While life can get hectic and can sometimes cause people to pull back for a bit, if you're consistently feeling undervalued in the friendship, it's safe to say that it isn't healthy.

If this is a fairly new development, perhaps you can talk to your friend(s) about the situation. You mentioned that they haven't been too responsive to your messages, but you can always give it one last try. Shoot them a message and ask if they'd like to meet up sometime soon and that you'd like to talk to them about something. If they agree, let them know how you've been feeling lately and that you miss their friendship. Based on the answer that they give, you can decide whether or not the friendship is something that you're still interested in working on.

If you don't want to try to reach out to them again or if they don't respond when you do try, it's perfectly fine to walk away from the friendship. It's something that can be done silently to avoid any sort of conflict, which I'm assuming you would like to do. With toxic friendships out of the way, you can start looking for new people to get to know and form healthier, authentic relationships with. You definitely deserve that.

Take care,
Sammi


wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
   
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Re: Toxic relationships - May 30th 2017, 09:35 AM

I have not seen one of them for over a year I always say hey let's go out next week and he always claims to be busy not to mention that now he takes over 5 days to respond to my messages and it's useally a one word response.
   
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Re: Toxic relationships - May 30th 2017, 09:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Metanoia. View Post
Hey Justin,

Friendships are a two-way street. That means both people should be making an equal effort to maintain the relationship a majority of the time. While life can get hectic and can sometimes cause people to pull back for a bit, if you're consistently feeling undervalued in the friendship, it's safe to say that it isn't healthy.

If this is a fairly new development, perhaps you can talk to your friend(s) about the situation. You mentioned that they haven't been too responsive to your messages, but you can always give it one last try. Shoot them a message and ask if they'd like to meet up sometime soon and that you'd like to talk to them about something. If they agree, let them know how you've been feeling lately and that you miss their friendship. Based on the answer that they give, you can decide whether or not the friendship is something that you're still interested in working on.

If you don't want to try to reach out to them again or if they don't respond when you do try, it's perfectly fine to walk away from the friendship. It's something that can be done silently to avoid any sort of conflict, which I'm assuming you would like to do. With toxic friendships out of the way, you can start looking for new people to get to know and form healthier, authentic relationships with. You definitely deserve that.

Take care,
Sammi

How does someone walk away from a friendship without being rude?
   
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Re: Toxic relationships - May 30th 2017, 07:35 PM

Hey Justin,

I've been in a similar situation a few times unfortunately so I understand how it feels to make this sort of decision. If you've chosen to walk away, there are a few ways you can do this without seeming rude.

In the past, I have suggested a face to face talk with people who I feel have been less than positive influences in my life. If you could do the same, it might help to get together and tell your friend exactly how you've felt and that you feel it might be best to simply go your own ways from here. By offering this in person it then gives your friend the chance to realise that they've upset you and, therefore, proposes a chance for the two of you to fix it if you feel like you can. If you have a talk rather than an argument (which I know from personal experience can be really hard), then it will seem less rude and more thought out. There's no sure way to make sure they wont see it as rude because it is a bit of an upsetting thing to have to do, but, if you feel it's best, just word it in a polite way. You could say something along the lines of:

"I've noticed we don't tend to see each other too much these days, and it's a bit upsetting as I care a lot about this friendship"

As said, this gives your friend a chance to discuss why it might be that there has been an issue meeting up and therefore opens the route to fixing it as well as ending it if you wish to do that.

On the other hand, if you don't talk too much, you could stop putting in the effort too. I have also done this in the past when I've got fed up that I am always the first to start a conversation. It may be upsetting and difficult at first, but if you struggle to get a response, maybe focus some of your attention on other friends and stop putting so much energy into friendships which seem quite unbalanced. That way, should your friend need you, nothing has been entirely closed off and you are still there, but, there's a far smaller emphasis on your part too. You avoid being rude as, if they message you, you can still respond so nobody is being ignored, but this also gives you the chance to move on from something which is upsetting you. Sadly, as we grow up a lot of people we love and care about stop putting time and energy into a relationship like they used to, so sometimes we just have to do the same.

I hope this has helped a bit. Please let us know if there's anything else you need a hand with. I hope you're doing ok.


❤ Nana ❤
1953-2016

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

   
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