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Sub-Zero Offline
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Should I cut ties with these people? - July 21st 2017, 12:25 AM

A year ago back in HS, I was part of this social circle/group. The thing is, a huge feature was that this group had a tendency to 'roast' each other and it got out of hand and eventually I ended up being bullied by the prominent members of said group as they made gross incest jokes about me and my brother, making me very upset. Thing is, a few actually did anything about it and a lot of the time, I was victim blamed or something. Eventually it stopped with some people actually saying sorry for it. Later, a group chat was made to stay in touch and in the process, I realized I was pretty pissed off at some members of the group who were mainly responsible. I confronted them about it and most of them said sorry, but at this point, I am not sure if I should still consider them friends. I mean, they did say sorry but sometimes I feel mad about it still due how frequent and assinine it is.i There are some in the group I am friends with but not everyone. What should I do?
   
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Re: Should I cut ties with these people? - July 21st 2017, 04:21 AM

I would give them another chance. It wasn't right for them to treat you like that, but you have to remember that people make mistakes. you can even make it thier last chance. if you don't at least try to forgive them, then things will never get better.
Or you could scrap my original idea, and find better people to be friends with.
   
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Re: Should I cut ties with these people? - July 21st 2017, 02:05 PM

It must have been hard to confront the people in that group but it is good that you confronted them. However, even though they apologized it is understandable that you are still upset with how they treated you.

Whether you cut ties with the group is entirely up to you and what you think is best but you could consider different things in the process. For instance, do you think you could salvage your friendship with a few people in the group? If you decide to stay friends with them, do you think you'll be angry often? If so, could you cope with the anger in a healthy way? Is staying friends with them best for your mental health?

Perhaps you could write a list of these things so you can think about them before you decide what to do with your friendships.


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Re: Should I cut ties with these people? - July 24th 2017, 07:20 AM

Hey there,

Confronting people who have hurt you takes a lot of courage. You should definitely be proud of yourself for doing so! However, it's understandable that apologies aren't always enough and that you're still bothered by some of the things that were said by members of the group.

At the end of the day, the most important thing to ask yourself is whether or not these people add anything to your life. If the friendships are primarily based on making fun of one another rather than on things such as common interests or qualities that you seek in others, it might be a good idea to cut ties and seek out a different group of friends that show more kindness to one another. However, if roasting was only a small part of larger, quality friendships, it might be worth it to give them another chance. If you do choose to do this, perhaps you could talk to them about no longer wanting to be involved in roasting and potentially working to make the overall dynamic of the group more positive.

Remember that it's perfectly acceptable to remain friends with some members of the group while cutting ties with those who hurt you the most. While it's easy to get caught up in group mentalities, the quality of a friendship can change from person to person, even within a larger group.

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