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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Green Yoshi Offline
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Ex best friend... - July 24th 2017, 04:42 AM

It's tough without her around.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by .Brittany.; July 24th 2017 at 09:08 PM. Reason: Removing the triggering prefix and moving to Friends and Family
   
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 24th 2017, 09:06 PM

Yoshi,

You continually make new threads about this 'friend'. I understand, you're struggling and you're upset about what has happened, but you can't continue to live this way. You need to find something that makes you happy. I've lost MANY friends, yet I learned how to live with it and now I'm living my life.

You've received so much amazing advice from other people yet you continue to make new threads about it. Soon enough people will stop giving you advice as they feel like you're not listening to them. When someone gives you advice you usually reply with something along the lines of "I'll try that". "you're right", "I've tried that". How about you actually try them instead of just saying that you will. You need to take control of your life and stop living in the misery. You need to realize that she's not coming back, and you need to move on. As I said, it's hard, I understand, I've been there, but it needs to happen, or you will continue to lose more friends, and then when that happens and something else happens, no one will be there for you. I've found this out the hard way.

I want to see you happy, but I don't know what else to do to help you. I'm also going to move this to friends and family and remove the trigger label as it's not really triggering.

Stay Strong,
Brittany



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Last edited by .Brittany.; July 24th 2017 at 09:27 PM.
   
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 24th 2017, 09:21 PM

I've been watching you post these threads. You've posted several quite recently in the Depression and Suicide forum, all about the same person. I agree with Brittany: people have given you a lot of great advice, but it's beginning to seem like you really don't take it to heart. Pretty soon they're going to stop giving you advice because it's apparent you want to stay stuck in your own misery rather than finding a way out of it.

People lose people. It's a fact of life. It happens. I'm sorry it happened to you, especially since it sounds like this person was your main source of support, but there's feeling sad about losing someone special to you and then there's basing your whole existence on the fact you lost a friend and nothing will ever ever ever be great again. Ever.

I suggest listening to what people have told you: staying mired in the past does no good. The past is past; you can't do anything about it. What you can do is create a brighter future. Believe it or not, it IS possible to live a life, even a fulfilling life, without this friend. In order to do that, though, you have to be open to change- letting go of that familiar depression and embracing life. It means trying new things and meeting new people. It means working on your own self-esteem, finding the things you like about yourself, no matter how small they may seem, and building off of that until you can eventually be pretty okay with yourself.

You can do this, but you absolutely have to stop letting yourself stay down in the dumps and realize there's a ton of people who are here and care about you, rather than mourning the friend you don't have. So wake up and embrace the new day.


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For love, love alone will conquer all


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 25th 2017, 01:22 AM

I'll try... Thanks. You guys have been awesome .. and I'm glad that there are people like you guys arounnd.

That she was.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; July 25th 2017 at 02:14 AM.
   
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 25th 2017, 01:29 AM

Are you actually going to try this time? You really need to find something that you enjoy. There's always something. You could also try getting into a hobby.



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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 25th 2017, 01:41 AM

Thanks for the compliment, but it'd be much more meaningful if you put everyone's advice into practice. Don't say "I'll try." It's noncommittal. It gives you a way out if things don't go well; you can just say, "well, I tried," and go back to being miserable. You're better than this. Pick yourself up and do, not try.

You can do this, but you need to believe it for yourself. Because what I see is you using us for motivation. You say you can't, that it's too hard, and we show you compassion. You take it in but it only lasts so long because you don't have any compassion for yourself. So you do it again, complain about the same things to get more compassion. Eventually it will dry up if you don't do anything, because we don't have that much energy. We can't fill the void in you. No one can. It has to be you.

So don't try. Do.


Love joins
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Love breaks us apart
The power to conquer here in our hearts
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For love, love alone will conquer all


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 25th 2017, 05:13 PM

So far I'm kinda sorta..... seeking out stray cats and kittens and trying to get them adopted ? Or something. I'm trying .

So far, its.... something I'm kinda doing, but I feel a lot of emptiness on the inside.

I'm doing my absolute best. But its very hard..


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 25th 2017, 06:34 PM

It doesn't seem like you're trying.

All you seem to do is wallow in pity and angst, essentially feeling sorry for yourself.

That ain't gonna lead you anywhere. Your life won't improve just because you stomp your foot and throw a tantrum.

I've been following your posts for a long time now, and I can't help but wonder if you even actually want to get better and get out of that slump of yours.

"It's tought without her."

Yeah, no shit, man. Now what are we supposed to do about that? We can't spoon feed you happiness and success, even if any of us wanted to do that. And we certainly aren't going to pat you on the head and tell you it's gonna be okay. Cause if that worked, considering how many times I've seen people try that, threads like this wouldn't keep happening.

A few years ago, I was in love with a girl. It wasn't a happy relationship. It was toxic, emotionally abusive, emotionally and mentally draining, one-sided and self-destructive for me.

But I genuinely loved her. Like I've never loved anybody before, and even now, several years after, I have never in my life felt anything like that towards anybody. And I've had relationships of various degrees afterwards. And because of that, I desperately clinged to her. And not even to a relationship, more to the idea, a wish of a relationship that I wanted from her. Because she was the only person I've ever became really emotionally intimate with, and the only person I felt was equal to me on a mental and emotional level, even if we didn't share mutual romantic feelings for each other.

And the relationship ended. I still kept my feelings for her afterwards. I stayed close to her afterwards, because just the idea of letting somebody so unique go was painful. It felt like giving up on a long-cherished dream.

And then, after a time, I began healing and moving on. I saw what the relationship really was, and I accepted that staying with her was a foolish move on my part. It delayed my improvement, and did nothing to make me feel better. I almost begged for scraps of affection and love that I so desperately wanted back then.

It was pathetic and demeaning, and I still cannot stop feeling disgusted at how much I could've let myself sink so low.

If she's gone while you were supposedly best friends, let it stay that way. Don't use your dreams and hopes as a main building material for your life. Don't blindly and naively believe that it's all you need to be happy.

When idealism like this meets reality like ours, it is rarely reality that backs down. Those dreams and ideals won't make you strong. They won't give you hope, they won't help you. On their own, they are nothing but just that. Visions you wish for.

And if you keep living through them, all they'll do is crush you under the weight of constant disappointment and regret.

And once that happens, you'll only ever have yourself to blame and shout at.

You can put as many hug emotes as you want in your messages.
You can tell us "thank you" and "Im doing my best" as many times as you wish.
You can make posts like this one whenever you want.

But in every single of those posts, there's only one constant. In your life, there is only one constant.

You.

And it's up to you to begin realizing that. It's not your friend. Your lover, parents, friends, whoever else. It isn't their job to put your life together. And it's useless if they do, if all you do is just trash it afterwards, because it isn't completely to your liking.

I don't expect this message to make any significant difference in your life.

Working yourself out is a difficult process, and it takes a long time.

You will fail. Many, many times, over and over, consecutively, often barely making progress, sometimes even before any real struggle comes along, simply due to how tired you'll be. You will have days, weeks, months maybe when you will force yourself to do what you have to, pushing yourself through fear, anxiety, sadness, with the only thing pushing you forward being pure anger. Anger at yourself, at how worthless it all seems, and how incapable you see yourself. At how little you seem to achieve, and how little of your efforts others see.

And once that happens, hold on to that anger.

Because anger is an incredibly powerful motivator. And in a time like this, you need every edge you can get.

So, get angry. Get frustrated, get disappointed, get tired and depressed. But move along. Keep trying, keep making those attempts, over and over again.

Cause after all those falls, after all those frustrations, there will come a time when something goes right.

And then, something in your head will click. And it will tell you that this is what you needed. That small success, that little light will keep you going. Just barely, perhaps. Just barely enough to not be rooted in place.

But that will be enough.

And when you get to this point, nobody else will be needed. No more help will be necessary, and you won't feel the need to ask for it.

You might not quite know what you want in life, or what you need at that moment. I do not have everything figured out yet, even though I know a lot about what I want to achieve in the nearest future.

I'll fail along the way at many things. But there's no way I'll stop now because of those.

The only way you can ensure that nothing negative will happen to you, is if you give up on doing anything. And this isn't what life is about.

And if everything was easy, success would be worthless.


The risk I took was calculated, but boy, am I bad at math.
   
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 25th 2017, 06:37 PM

I really don't want to reply to this thread but I will say this: it doesn't happen over night, or in a matter of days, weeks, or months. It may be years before you're truly over this person; but you cannot stop living in the meantime. I wish you the best of luck.
   
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 26th 2017, 04:57 PM

I just want someone like her to spend life with.. that's all. She was nice, and sweet and she went out with me... to spend time with me.

I was barred from a healthy social environment so things were bad until she came along. Then happiness came into my life. When she left...

... She was a true, genuine friend and we hung out like four times a week sometimes... and she was everything I wished for. She gave me happiness .. and the company my asian parents prevented me from having. By that point in time.. they already knew that I couldn't even work for ... an hour.... without giving up. My motivation was that low. They finally knew that they were wrong, that everyone needs special people in their lives. My motivation was very low before she came into my life.

Its even lower now.. I wanna spend my time with someone who will watch movies with me , eat nice food with me... go on Big Bad Wolf book outings with me... foodventure to new food cafes together, talk about shows like... Chuck and the Flash together.. and maybe spend time playing with cats like Weks and Maya together.... I wanna spend time.. with her.

you know... someone who I can spend time with for the sake of .. just being merry together. Someone who will be with me just because... she wants to make me feel appreciated and warm my cold, broken heart and mend it together again.

I wish on a shooting star...


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 26th 2017, 06:44 PM

You're in complete denial.

Any attempt to help you is pointless, as you clearly aren't looking to get better.


The risk I took was calculated, but boy, am I bad at math.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 27th 2017, 07:08 PM

I have tried to accept it, but its caused me to fall into despair.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 27th 2017, 10:08 PM

People who both struggle to make friends (outcasts) and have Abandonment issues; can behave like this when departed from a person whom understood so much about them; when no one else would. - The consistency and effort in each of OPs post for the last year points to this particular thing,
especially as there is no substitute for Yoshi to fill his time.

With this in mind I'll set an example I hope others follow;


You're free to message me any time Yoshi, even if I, and others, do not reply to your topics.


P.S. Thirtythree that was a very nice reply do not feel like it was wasted.
   
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 28th 2017, 05:20 AM

I am feeling very down, and I don't know what to do...


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 28th 2017, 02:45 PM

If you don't know what to do or how to get over this, the best thing you can do is seek guidance from a mental health professional. They can help you reprogram your thoughts about losing this friend, learn to cope with your painful past, create strategies to help you move foreword, develop a plan on how to handle a similar situation in the future. However, the only way it'll work is if you actually work with the professional and try suggestions and are honest.



"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
   
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 29th 2017, 05:03 AM

I'll do that. Thanks... I hope that someone like her comes back into my life soon.

I have already tried that .. but it didnt work out.

I hope that someone comes in soon..


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

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screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 29th 2017, 06:38 AM

no, dude. you can't just sit around hoping that someone else will come back into your life to pick you up where she left you.
sometimes you have to grow up and pick yourself up. you are the ONLY person who is going to be there for yourself no matter what, you're stuck with you for the rest of your life and you need to learn how to rely on yourself when no one else is there.

no one is going to hold your hand through life. be your own best friend, take care of yourself.

please find a counselor to talk to about this, i think that one-on-one would help you a lot.


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 30th 2017, 01:40 AM

I have tried that... didn't work.

I don't want to go through.. things that way.

I am crying again..

I'll try to support other people .. to make sure they don't go through the mortal pain... that I am going through.


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.

Last edited by Green Yoshi; July 30th 2017 at 01:55 AM.
   
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 30th 2017, 01:58 AM

okay but get this, you can try more than once. and you need to keep trying until you get it right. this isn't just something you can half assedly take advice for and be like "ah well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" the second it doesn't work.
healing takes time, diligence, and dedication and you're gonna have to force yourself to endure the pain and loneliness in order to finally get over it.
don't say you'll "try", say you'll actually do it.


i don't know what i'm supposed to do
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 30th 2017, 02:46 AM

It didn't work because you were trying to prove it wouldn't work. You need to actually put effort into therapy. It kind of seems like you don't want to get better and are just looking for people to tell you it's okay. But giving up isn't okay, not trying isn't okay. Expecting us to keep you going when you refuse to put any effort in isn't okay.



"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 30th 2017, 07:45 AM

Okay...

Will someone like her return ? Things... are.... very bad... right now..


It's called a tunnel because there's ALWAYS a light at the end.



rant to me if there's anything!

http://www.teenhelp.org/private.php?do=newpm&u=27464

screwdriverneedsgas

As usual... pm me if you are ever having a tough day, and I'll respond immediately.

You guys deserve to be happy no matter what.. okay? You people are a bunch of lovelies ... and no matter what, you people deserve to be happy.
   
  (#22 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Ex best friend... - July 30th 2017, 09:42 PM

While losing a friend can definitely be difficult, I'm sure you will find another good friend.

As a side note, I'm going to go ahead and close this thread, as the responses are starting to show little variation. You can always PM Cassie (Cassado) or me if you would like the thread re-opened. Alternatively, you can create another thread at any point if you would like more advice.

Take care,
Sammi


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