TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Elle_94 Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
Elle_94's Avatar
 
Age: 21

Posts: 62
Join Date: July 24th 2014

Question Ending a friendship... I feel mean :( - August 1st 2017, 01:36 PM

Hi,

So I started university a year ago (it's summer for me right now). At the sixth form I attended, I had very few friends as I just didn't feel I had anything in common with any of the people there. There was however, one girl I had made friends with lower down in school, when we were about 13, who I continued to hang around with. However, over time, we sorted of drifted apart. I matured but I don't really think she did. I didn't feel I had anything in common with her by the time we started sixth form.

I thought that when we both moved on to different unis that we'd sort of just move on with life and stop contacting each other. But she seems very keen to continue a friendship with me. She keeps inviting me to go to London with her for her birthday later on this month, despite the fact I have only seen her twice this year (once at New Year and once about a month ago). She texts me loads asking me for a catch up.

I have my reasons for not wanting to be her friend anymore... she gets very jealous very easily, of me and of others. She's especially jealous of the fact I have a boyfriend and she doesn't... this leads to her making a lot of hurtful/bitchy comments, trying to show off a lot which gets annoying, and getting sarcastic whenever I achieve something. Who wants a mate that can't ever be happy for them? She's also very materialistic and seems to think she's above others because her parents are rich. We have nothing in common anymore. She also lives far away in a remote area. There's no public transport links and neither of us drive so seeing her is always difficult as it is.

I've tried to sort of drop hints that I'm not really interested in being friends anymore, e.g always making excuses as to why I can't see her, ignoring some of her texts, but she's not getting the message and keeps trying with me. I don't know what to say or do. It feels really mean but I don't see why I should have to maintain a friendship I don't want to anymore to save someone else's feelings. How can I let her down gently?

Thank you in advance,
Elle

Last edited by Elle_94; August 1st 2017 at 01:37 PM. Reason: Typo
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
organizedchaos Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
organizedchaos's Avatar
 
Name: Kay
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Location: US

Posts: 29
Join Date: July 22nd 2017

Re: Ending a friendship... I feel mean :( - August 3rd 2017, 05:26 AM

Elle,

I understand completely how you feel. I was in a really toxic friend group for years. I stayed in it for so long because I felt mean whenever I thought about leaving them because I'd remember the fun times we had in the beginning. It's not worth it though!

If someone in your life is causing you stress and negatively impacting you, like this said friend is, then you either need to talk to them and try to fix it or get them out of your life because they're hurting you. It sounds wrong, but it isn't. People change and grow apart all the time, and it's not healthy to hang onto a toxic relationship because of how it used to be. Just like you wouldn't stay on a sinking ship just because it used to be floating.

Now that being said the ship doesn't have to go down in a fiery explosion, hopefully it can just quietly sink into the sea. Sadly that's how I left the friend group because I didn't know how to let go and felt bad, and they didn't realize how much they were hurting me so they held on making it harder.

My advice would be to accept the fact the relationship isn't healthy for you, and you deserve someone who is going to be a good friend. Once you accept it's alright to let go try to turn her down nicely about the birthday thing. Just tell her the truth: you don't actually spend time with each other anymore, you don't have anything in common anymore, you don't even live near each other so it would probably be better to try hanging out with people closer to you both physically and personally. It doesn't have to be, and really shouldn't be, mean. It's just part of growing up and figuring out who you are.

So don't feel bad stuff like this happens all the time, and I wish you luck in finding better friends!

Kay
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
ending, feel, friendship

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.