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Elle_94 Offline
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Question Ending a friendship... I feel mean :( - August 1st 2017, 02:36 PM


So I started university a year ago (it's summer for me right now). At the sixth form I attended, I had very few friends as I just didn't feel I had anything in common with any of the people there. There was however, one girl I had made friends with lower down in school, when we were about 13, who I continued to hang around with. However, over time, we sorted of drifted apart. I matured but I don't really think she did. I didn't feel I had anything in common with her by the time we started sixth form.

I thought that when we both moved on to different unis that we'd sort of just move on with life and stop contacting each other. But she seems very keen to continue a friendship with me. She keeps inviting me to go to London with her for her birthday later on this month, despite the fact I have only seen her twice this year (once at New Year and once about a month ago). She texts me loads asking me for a catch up.

I have my reasons for not wanting to be her friend anymore... she gets very jealous very easily, of me and of others. She's especially jealous of the fact I have a boyfriend and she doesn't... this leads to her making a lot of hurtful/bitchy comments, trying to show off a lot which gets annoying, and getting sarcastic whenever I achieve something. Who wants a mate that can't ever be happy for them? She's also very materialistic and seems to think she's above others because her parents are rich. We have nothing in common anymore. She also lives far away in a remote area. There's no public transport links and neither of us drive so seeing her is always difficult as it is.

I've tried to sort of drop hints that I'm not really interested in being friends anymore, e.g always making excuses as to why I can't see her, ignoring some of her texts, but she's not getting the message and keeps trying with me. I don't know what to say or do. It feels really mean but I don't see why I should have to maintain a friendship I don't want to anymore to save someone else's feelings. How can I let her down gently?

Thank you in advance,

Last edited by Elle_94; August 1st 2017 at 02:37 PM. Reason: Typo
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organizedchaos Offline
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Re: Ending a friendship... I feel mean :( - August 3rd 2017, 06:26 AM


I understand completely how you feel. I was in a really toxic friend group for years. I stayed in it for so long because I felt mean whenever I thought about leaving them because I'd remember the fun times we had in the beginning. It's not worth it though!

If someone in your life is causing you stress and negatively impacting you, like this said friend is, then you either need to talk to them and try to fix it or get them out of your life because they're hurting you. It sounds wrong, but it isn't. People change and grow apart all the time, and it's not healthy to hang onto a toxic relationship because of how it used to be. Just like you wouldn't stay on a sinking ship just because it used to be floating.

Now that being said the ship doesn't have to go down in a fiery explosion, hopefully it can just quietly sink into the sea. Sadly that's how I left the friend group because I didn't know how to let go and felt bad, and they didn't realize how much they were hurting me so they held on making it harder.

My advice would be to accept the fact the relationship isn't healthy for you, and you deserve someone who is going to be a good friend. Once you accept it's alright to let go try to turn her down nicely about the birthday thing. Just tell her the truth: you don't actually spend time with each other anymore, you don't have anything in common anymore, you don't even live near each other so it would probably be better to try hanging out with people closer to you both physically and personally. It doesn't have to be, and really shouldn't be, mean. It's just part of growing up and figuring out who you are.

So don't feel bad stuff like this happens all the time, and I wish you luck in finding better friends!

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