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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
LucyLouWho Offline
In that order...
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Name: Chelsey
Age: 28
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Location: West Virginia, US

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Join Date: January 5th 2009

I want to be with my father. - January 15th 2009, 12:22 AM

But my mother and grandparents would never allow it. Naturally, my mother and father have two completely different stories for as to why he's never been in my life.

She says that she was drunk when they had sex and she feels like it was rape, he was married, and he wanted nothing to do with me. He says that he tried to come and see me, but my mom and grandmother didn't want him in my life because of his drug/alcohol use and the fact that he's been to jail.

I've been talking to him online now for awhile and I really want to spend more time with him. But I know that my mom and the rest of my family would go nuts if they knew about it. I'm really not supposed to be talking to him or any of my three half-sisters or pretty much anyone relating to his side of the family.

But I really want to know him better. Is it such a bad thing that I want to spend time with him and get to know him better? And not only him, but my sisters as well?

Another question is, what do I do about this? I can't see him without my family really freaking out about it, so what should I do? I just don't know.

Previously Mommy.Wife.Student
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
CanadaCraig Offline
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Re: I want to be with my father. - January 15th 2009, 06:18 AM

Hi Chelsey!!

I hope you're OK.

I appreciate how you feel. But given the circumstances - it might be best - FOR NOW - to just continue on having an Internet relationship with your dad. No use freaking out your family. Besides - you only really have another year to go - do you not - before your old enough to decide these things for yourself?

That said....

SOMETIMES the truth can be found between two extremes. So maybe your dad wasn't such a great guy - but maybe he wasn't quite as bad as your mom and grandmother make him out to be. MAYBE.

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Ivanna_B_Me Offline
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Re: I want to be with my father. - January 15th 2009, 06:33 AM

If it were me.... I wouldn't exactly do anything that would end up cutting up the ties with my mom and grandmother...so i would just continue talking to him online.... and I doesn't really seems like he is such a bad father, so far... I mean he is actually trying to comunicate with you... I would jsut wait to see him and the other side of my family...
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Lorelei Offline
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Re: I want to be with my father. - January 17th 2009, 08:13 PM

Hey Chelsey. That's a frustrating situation-- you're awesome for thinking about it responsibly!

I know what it's like to feel as if you don't have enough of a relationship with your dad, but sometimes it's for the best. He sounds like he's had some problems in that past that he's still sorting through. It could prove more complicated and frustrating to get involved in his life right now.

Talk it over with your mom and your grandparents. If you want to talk to him face-to-face, ask them about meeting him in a public place. Restaurants are good for father-daughter talks, and it doesn't get too personal because there are other people around.

Be careful, though. Please don't meet him without your mom's permission- if she wants you to stay away from him there must be a reason.

Take care! PM me if you ever want to talk.

"How dare I? Because it is the truth." -Jane Eyre

"You do what you love, and f#%* the rest." -Little Miss Sunshine
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