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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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lvpeyton Offline
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when friends become more . . - June 6th 2009, 06:21 PM

i have two great guy friends, but one of them likes me- and i don't feel the same way. i know how that feels too, and it sucks. my mom told me i should stop hanging out with him and that i shouldn't be his friend, but i don't agree. she said being his friend is like leading him on- but i have told him i really do appreciate his friendship and his is a great friend, but i am not going to be involved in a relationship anytime soon. (which is the truth?)
would you stop being friends with someone who likes you? if he or she was your BEST friend?


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Re: when friends become more . . - June 6th 2009, 08:50 PM

I am actually experiencing roughly the same kind of thing, believe it or not. I definitely understand that this must be a difficult time for you right now, especially as you have to hear everything from your mother and other influences. My best friend, who is of the opposite sex, likes me and has asked me out several times. I politely explained to him that I don't feel the same way and value our friendship; I wouldn't want to risk anything by attempting a relationship with him.

I would suggest that you speak to your mother about the way you're feeling. I could understand why that might be a bit difficult and perhaps awkward at first but your mom does love you and care about you; it's important for you to remember that. While I can see your mother's point, I don't agree with it at all. It seems like you two have a great friendship and it would really be unfortunate if something like this came in between the current bond that you share.

It seems like you've made up your mind; you don't feel that way about him, and that's okay. Have you told him this? Does he know that you do not share the same feelings? It's important that he knows this because if he doesn't, your mother could possibly be right in saying that you're leading him on to a certain extent. Like I mentioned earlier, it seems like you two have a wonderful relationship. So with that said, I would strongly suggest that you sit down with him and tell him the entire truth, despite how difficult that may be. I'm sure he'll appreciate it a lot.


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Re: when friends become more . . - June 6th 2009, 11:50 PM

Hey,

If you value his friendship why should feelings complicate it. You've been honest with him and that's the main thing so you're not leading him on in anyway whatsoever. One of my best guy friends both have feelings for each other but right now we're not going to take it further and that's fine with the both of us, it is hard to keep our feelings in check but I have a boyfriend and he wants to have fun being young and single and it's okay. As long as your friend knows how you feel on the matter then it's okay as long as he isn't under the impression that you're friendship is going to go further and he know's they aren't, make sure you aren't flirty with him and everything should be absolutely fine with the two of you.
   
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Re: when friends become more . . - June 7th 2009, 04:22 PM

Hey there,

I think in this case your mom is wrong. Just because someone has feelings for you that you don't share does not mean you should stop being friends with them! If that were the case, I'll bet people would be losing friends all the time. It's not fair to remove him from your life just because he cares about you.

You've been honest and you've explained how much his friendship means to you. If you both understand what kind of relationship (in this case friendship) you want, then everything should go really well. Keep up the communication with him, and tell him the truth.

He sounds like a really good friend to you, so there is no reason to take that away. Keep hanging out with him and spending time with him. That's what a friendship is. You aren't leading him on because you already explained to him how you feel.

Good luck and have a great day

Nat.


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Re: when friends become more . . - June 8th 2009, 12:34 AM

Definately not.

I don't mean to say this in a condescending way or anything, but almost ALL my guy-friends hit on me at one point or another. I guess it just happens with being teenagers and all, you know? But whatever. I think it's flattering, and I always feel really appreciated. The only bad part is having to turn them down :/
   
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