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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Quit on my dad? - June 10th 2009, 11:25 PM

My dad, i loose more and more respect...

He wants me to go to his, to see my half brother, and Ill miss out on loads here...

I dont like, hate my half brother, or step mum, but he chose another family to go to, hes started another family, im 18...

Hes given me the 'option' to go to his for a week in the summer, I dont want to,

If I dont go he'll just make me feel terrible, cause he knows like my mum Ill do anything if anyone can make myself feel guilty about it...

Its manipulation in a way, I no longer have to see him...

Is there anything that someone can just say, to give me the courage to say no, and put an end to this?



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Re: Quit on my dad? - June 11th 2009, 12:18 AM

Hey Joel,

If you don't want to go, then you don't have to go- plain and simple. But it's still hard to turn your dad down, right? Well, the important thing to keep in mind is what you want, and your current plans for the summer right now.

It sounds like you have things planned for that week that you would rather not miss out on, so that is something you should tell your dad. Explain that you've been looking forward to these things for a while and you've already made plans with other people.

Another thing I think would be nice to say, because he is your dad and does still want to see you, is that maybe there is another time you could visit him. You don't need to stay with him for a week. There are a lot of things happening in a week, and I completely understand that. But it would be nice for him to hear that you might spend a weekend or something with him and his family.

I understand that you have grown up and need to make your own decisions about this. I fully support that, and I want to tell you that all you need to be is confident and make sure you stick with what your plans are. Just keep in mind what you want, and don't let him force other ideas onto you. Understand that he is your dad and he doesn't want you to just leave him in the dust when you grow up. Try to spend a little time with him, but do it when you want to and when you have the time.

Stay strong. I know you can do this

Nat.


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Re: Quit on my dad? - June 11th 2009, 01:07 AM

Thing is is... he live so far away, and its like such a long journey that I hate doing, and yeah I always end up giving into him, and this tim eI just really dont want to... If it was mum, who I live with, anything I coud just sit her down and say... look Im really sorry butt... But he wont have it, and I just have to live and hate it

Thing is is he wants to see my brother not me, and thats the truth, I dont want to go up there, he doesnt want me up there, its just done on famiy principle, he left, I dont see why i have to see him :/

Sorry little rant

But thanks for the reply, do you see where Im coming from?



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Re: Quit on my dad? - June 11th 2009, 10:16 PM

I do see where you're coming from, Joel. It's not fair for him to pressure you into going, especially if he does just want to see your brother. The only way to get out of it is to stand your ground and not cave in to what he's saying.

It's hard to say no, and I get that he's being manipulative. Just tell him that you absolutely can't go and that's the end of it. If he's persistent, then just tell him that nothing he can say will change your mind. If you are talking on the phone, that's when you should say you need to go and you hang up the phone. If he keeps calling, review your calls and don't pick up if you don't want to.

Going is your decision, no matter what your dad says to you. If your brother wants to go, then fine, he can see your brother, but that doesn't mean you need to get dragged into it.

If there is another time when you know you can see him and that he still wants to see you, then it would be a good idea to spend a little time with him. I know you don't want to, but he probably wants to see you because he feels bad for leaving. See if he still wants to spend time with just you when your brother isn't around. That will tell you something about how he feels about this.

Nat.


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