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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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lvpeyton Offline
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Question how to comfort people? - June 13th 2009, 06:56 PM

okay, i really don't know if this goes here, but it is in regards to friends and family, so why not?

anyway, i think i am pretty good at offering advice. i am not perfect, but i try to give honest, caring advice about certain situations. people usually thank me which makes me feel good about it.

so, here is the problem. it is when the situation just happens that i freeze. sometimes my friends will be so mad, which i can usually deal with, because i often find myself angry. but what about when they cry?

like yesterday, one of my good girl friends were crying and i just didn't know what to do or say! i never know what to, whether it is my mom, my sister, my friends . . i just have this awkwardness wash over me and i stand there trying to crack jokes. people usually laugh, but i wish i could do more.

i know when i am upset i like for people to make me laugh so maybe that is why i am like that, but i hate being hugged or babied. i just don't know. ughhh, any ideas?

"All these short times feel like no time, I thought you ought to know."

“Sometimes you have to forget about what you want, and remember what you deserve.”
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Re: how to comfort people? - June 13th 2009, 10:52 PM

For me, it's difficult to touch people when they're upset, simply because touching people tends to bring a flood of emotions and pictures to mind that I, oftentimes, can't handle. I, like you, can't stand being hugged (or babied, by certain people) when I'm upset, and I, like you, tend to go into good humour mode to try and bring a smile to someone's face.

A lot of the time, I also tend to offer what advice I can, but it can, and many times does, take me some time to switch from deer-in-the-headlights mode to logic mode. Most of the time, I reach this point by asking a lot of questions. If I don't know the situation, I'll ask them to tell me more about what's wrong. If I do, I may ask if they've considered any potential solutions or if they've talked to the person about how they felt etc. But it's really a way of finding bits and pieces of information that give me something to work off of.

But the most important thing I feel anyone can do is listen, and by listen, I mean truly listening and hearing out what the other person has to say. For example, when you're hurt or upset, and you like someone cracking jokes, I imagine you still want to rest assured that they're there for you, yes? And that they will listen to you should you need them? Active listening is something many people neglect to put into play, but it's often one of the most helpful things you can ever do for someone. It doesn't seem like much, trust me, I've been there, and I know, but it really does mean a lot. I promise you.

I'm not sure if this helped any, maybe others will be able to help you out. But keep your chin up and keep up the good work, honestly. Try not to be so hard on yourself. <3

xo Claire

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Re: how to comfort people? - June 14th 2009, 03:20 AM

it might be just something you have to work on. not everybody is really good with 'comforting' friends. like hugging and stuff. i personally don't have a problem with it. but like somebody really close to me really does because he wasn't used to have more 'emotional' people in his life. so it was really hard for him because i can be a tad emotional. at first he kind of just sat there and tried to talk to me but eventually he began to be able to just like hug me and talk in a more "softer" voice. i remember one time he handed me a tissue and it was funny to me for some reason. so maybe just try little things like that when somebody comes to you crying. cracking a joke is a good thing as well but sometimes you should wait a little while and see if that person would like to talk about it first. ask them. if not then laughter is the best medicine right. i'm sure your a good friend and it seems like people like coming to you when they are upset, so that's a good sigh. but if you would like to be more comforting like i said.

- hugs.
- hold somebody.
- "softer" voice.
- ask what's wrong.
- just sit there with them.
- tissues. (simple gestures like that can mean a lot)

Hope this helps!

when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
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lvpeyton Offline
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Re: how to comfort people? - June 14th 2009, 04:30 AM

thanks, i agree with all of those points. but i find it very difficult to hug other people. i do it REALLY AWKWARDLY too! especially when someone is upset. i always am just like, oh gosh, please don't cry or awkward hug possibly heading in your direction!

"All these short times feel like no time, I thought you ought to know."

“Sometimes you have to forget about what you want, and remember what you deserve.”
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