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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Angry Mother Smother - June 15th 2009, 06:14 AM

So, I'm 19 (20 in November) and I have a bed time... I have to be in bed by 11 on weeknights and 1 other wise. It isn't that I have classes in the morning or a job in the morning or anything. She insists that she cannot sleep unless i'm at home safely in bed. This is ludicris... how did she sleep while I was off at uni, how about when I sleep over at a friend's? AND last night I didn't come home till one and they were all asleep! when she saw me in the morning, she asked me if i had just gotten home, because she didn't wake up/wasn't awake when i got home.

I pointed this out to her tonight (after getting home on time) and she just said "I was waiting up for you, to see you" in a wounded kind of way, and she then stopped talking to me, even though I kept trying to get her to talk.

ERG, I'm just fed up with her!

are there any other 19 y.o's with freaking bed times??

And do any of you guys have any tips for how to get my mom to let go?



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Re: Mother Smother - June 15th 2009, 07:00 AM

I would simply sit down with your mother and tell her that you love her but that your nearly 20 now and you can be responsible enough to not get home too late and stay safe when your out. Your time at uni is perfect proof of this. Just explain it calmly


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Re: Mother Smother - June 15th 2009, 09:49 PM

Hi Kim,

I must admit, this does sound really odd. Your mom seems to be having a bit of trouble realizing the you are now nearly a grown up and off on your own, and you can handle figuring out your own bedtime.

Sometimes people can have trouble sleeping when they are stressed out, and maybe having you gone stresses her a bit? When you were away at university, she probably got used to you being gone, but now that you are back, she may be more attached again.

The best way to deal with this is to just talk to her, like Adam said. Sit her down and let her know that you can handle getting in bed at a reasonable time. She probably does realize you are old enough to do this on your own, and that's why she didn't make a fuss when you were out late.

Take care.

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Re: Mother Smother - June 16th 2009, 04:29 PM

Thanks guys, I'll definitely try this when something comes up



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Re: Mother Smother - June 17th 2009, 02:41 AM

Let's see I have to be in bed by midnight every night, I have to get up at a specific time in the morning and have a whole schedule of when to eat, what to eat, and when to exercise. My father has decided that since I can't seem to lose my 20 pounds on my own he will just control my life until I do. And please note that I am XXX years old.

It sucks I know, but at least it sounds like she cares about you and isn't jusst doing it to be a bitch.


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Re: Mother Smother - June 18th 2009, 01:38 AM

Hey,

Have you considered moving out? Getting together with a friend or two and making plans to move out? I mean talking to your mom might be a good idea as well but if she doesn't let up you might want to consider moving out.

You know, I met someone that had a bad case of empty nest syndrome, you could always suggest that you two go to family therapy. Your moving away to college(uni?) Might have been hard on her and now that you are back she might be wanting to lay some rules down to feel in charge again. Maybe family therapy would help make her understand that you are now a capable adult and pretty much in charge of your life.


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