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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Amp Offline
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Blah blah blah, I'm upset. - June 19th 2009, 02:42 AM

So, I suppose this is where I start rambling on and on about trivial matters which upset me, right?

Well, it's like this: lately I've found myself feeling like a socially incompetent idiot. It just seems that everyone around me sees a person for the first time and easily creates a connection. Meanwhile, I sit back with an awkward smile and think 'Damn, why the hell can't I do that?' I end up being mostly ignored, it seems, and no matter how many times someone tells me I have this shining personality, it doesn't really comfort me when there's so little evidence to back up such a claim...

The impression that I get usually is that people find me creepy, and I don't want that. Who the hell wants to be the creepy guy?

Don't get me wrong, I have a close circle of friends and a number of people I can talk to, it's just that I seem to go to pieces if I haven't got somebody I'm very close to nearby. I'm co-dependent, I guess, and it sucks.

Also, as long as we're on the subject, even with the people who I used to be completely comfortable around I now feel this underlying tension. It feels like they've all got something they want to say about me, or to me, but they don't. As a result, I've been distancing myself from them, which just makes me feel worse.

The long and short of all this is that I feel like I can't make any lasting connections, I feel like an awkward, creepy, social moron, and it feels like my friends are all talking about me behind my back.

Thanks for your time.
   
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Re: Blah blah blah, I'm upset. - June 19th 2009, 06:26 AM

I've felt this way before. Heck, sometimes I still feel this way, even with my closest friends. I keep getting the vibe that they'd like me to leave, or that I'm making the conversation awkward every time I try to contribute something to the topic at hand.

I have to keep telling myself that all these socially awkward feelings, all these perceptions of what others think about me, are IN MY HEAD. My insecurities do not equal what people really think of me.

It takes time. Try getting your friend to agree to introducing you when you first meet someone new. Then, make an active effort to get to know the person on your own, without your friend continuing to back you up. One thing I've learned is that people (for the most part) love to talk all about themselves. So ask them questions about life, school, the upcoming events at the party/get-together, etc. Keep smiling, and look as if you genuinely care about what they're saying. Who knows, maybe you'll have something in common with them, and can become close friends by the end of the day. =D But you've got to make an active effort to get to know them, and work under the assumption that they're NOT willing to do the same thing for you... you have to get the ball rolling.






   
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Re: Blah blah blah, I'm upset. - June 19th 2009, 06:39 AM

Are you my long lost sibling or what? I am exactly the same person you just described. And now it's time for me to change. I've already started changing.

Well, firstly do you feel a complex or something? Because I do, I have an inferiority complex.

When you meet someone new, take the opportunity to introduce yourself first. Then as Robin said, ask them about themselves because that's what people always want to talk about :themselves. Trust me, this works, I just recently tried it and found a great new friend.

As for the subject of your friends, communication is the key. Try to talk to them, try to ask them what is the matter. If you can share things between yourselves, the relationship lasts longer.

Afterall, remember that interaction is the key to making strong and long relationships.
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Re: Blah blah blah, I'm upset. - June 19th 2009, 09:52 PM

Hi Amp,

I've been in nearly the same situation, and find myself there even now sometimes. Everyone has points where they feel really awkward in a conversation and really aren't sure what to say. Some people are naturally social, others need to try a little harder to get things moving. It's completely normal, so try not to worry about being the quiet, creepy guy, because a lot of us have been there

I find that the best way to really start talking to people is to ask questions. Get them talking about themselves and it is much easier to communicate. Find out what other people enjoy doing and comment about something similar. There is no one way to go about a conversation, but from my personal experience, questions are a good way to start.

Staying quiet and distancing yourself wont solve the problem, and it looks like you've realized that already. Do your best to act on this realization and start being more open with your friends. If they have something to say, then they will eventually say it, or change their mind. Try to ignore that you feel they are acting differently around you. They might not feel this way at all and are concerned that you are distancing yourself from them. Try talking to them about this or hanging out with them some more.

I think it really comes down to a communication problem and not quite knowing what to say. Try thinking up some questions to ask people beforehand or jump into a conversation that's already started.

Good luck.

Nat.


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Re: Blah blah blah, I'm upset. - June 19th 2009, 10:56 PM

Hey everyone, thanks for the kind words and great advice. Really.

I've felt a lot better today. My confidence in the friendships that I have has been reaffirmed, in that I just really felt appreciated today. Two of my friends even revealed intimate secrets to me. It really made me feel wanted, y'know?

As for what you've all said, you're entirely right. I can't expect it to come easy, I need to put myself out there more. Shutting myself off isn't going to fix anything, it'll just make it worse.

Honestly, thanks. I appreciate the advice.
   
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