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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Pour the Teapot Offline
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Angry so sick of my mom right now! - June 25th 2009, 12:35 AM

okay, her latest activity is that she promised she would sign me up for singing lessons as soon as i got back from the family reunion. well, i'm back, and now she says that she won't let me go unless i participate in DBT and therapy. Ugh! I'm so pissed right now.
   
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Re: so sick of my mom right now! - June 25th 2009, 12:48 AM

Perhaps you can just talk to her calmly, and tell her that you don't really appreciate her making promises that she is not intending to keep. That is not very respectful of her and I can definitely see where it would upset you.

Perhaps you can do it on her terms? Otherwise, there is not much else you can do to make your mom give you something.


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Re: so sick of my mom right now! - June 25th 2009, 04:11 AM

I'm really sorry about that, that must suck.
I think you mentioned before that talking doesn't help or what not. But maybe try to calmly state that you she promised she would sign you up and that DBT and therapy were not part of the deal and it's not right for her to go back on her word like that.

or

maybe you could agree to going to one of those if it makes her that happy if she lets you do the lessons. meet her halfway?


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Re: so sick of my mom right now! - June 25th 2009, 04:27 PM

It seems like your mom cares about you quite a bit. I know that may not seem like the case sometimes, like in this particular case for instance, but try to see things from her point-of-view. She obviously cares enough about you to want to send you to therapy. She doesn't want you to experience bad things and be sad and depressed. She wants you to be happy.

There are a lot of parents out there who simply don't care about their children and their well-being. Your mom is literally cornering you into therapy because she feels that it's best for you. Some people wish their parents would understand that they need therapy. I know you may not feel this way, but you truly are lucky to have a caring mother.

With that said, however, I don't know if she's approaching this the right way. No one should be forced to go into therapy because that may result in the therapy being extremely ineffective. Have you tried to sit down and talk to your mom about your feelings toward it? Talking to your mom, calmly and respectfully, could make the world of a difference.

If you don't want to physically talk to her about it, why not write a letter to her regarding this situation and allow her to read it. It's important that your mother knows how you're feeling. If that's unsuccessful, there really isn't much more you can do aside from compromising with her.

It really depends on how badly you want to take the singing lessons. It seems like you really want to do it. If that's the case, is it really worth it? Is it worth defying your mother if it costs you your singing lessons? Also, if you decide that you really don't want to go to therapy and thus lose your singing lessons, keep in mind that she just may use this in the future - for the next thing you want.

I don't know if she'll do that but keep in mind that it's a possibility. Why is it that you don't want to go to therapy? Is it because you feel that you don't need it? Is it because you feel that it won't help you? Examine your reasons for not wanting to go to therapy and try and see if there's a different way you can look at things.

For example, I know someone who didn't want to go to therapy because they were afraid of what people would think if they did go. If this is the case, please don't think like this. There is nothing to be ashamed about if you go to therapy. It shows courage and bravery, if anything. It shows that you're mature enough to take control of your life and be your own person.

All in all, I really do hope that everything works out for you.


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